Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Weaponized Utensils

Lil' medieval weapons for the dinner table
  (+16, -1)(+16, -1)
(+16, -1)
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The usage of threatening, savage weapons is (presumably) a great stress reliever. And what better to take your aggressions out on than food? It's all going to be digested anyway in the end.

Introducing Weaponized Utensils. These functional pieces of cutlery are modeled after deadly-looking medieval instruments of death. Tear chunks of skewered meat off of a lance kebab, or pick them off with a fo--oops, I mean, pick them off with a wickedly sharp trident in your other hand. And spoons? Well, in this world, all spoons are sporks, and all sporks are jaggedly hewn battleaxes. Also included is a morningstar mace. We didn't know what to do with it, so use it to tenderize meat or something. Imagine the look on your friends' faces when they see you calmly spreading rasberry jam on your toast with a broadsword.

DrWorm, Jul 31 2010

Hanwei miniature swords http://www.medieval...niature-swords.html
[pocmloc, Jul 31 2010, last modified Oct 19 2011]

Rather lower quality axes and morning stars http://www.medieval...ature-weapons-.html
[pocmloc, Jul 31 2010]

Grilly Willy Stress Sausage Grilly_20Willy_20Stress_20Sausage
food for stress management [squeak, Aug 02 2010]

Weaponized spoon/cup/soft drink case etc http://www.stustake...mail-brilliant.html
A fine array of weaponized utensils [doctorremulac3, Aug 04 2010]


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Annotation:







       Imagine the looks on your friends' faces when you see only the backs of their heads as they leave the room.
rcarty, Jul 31 2010
  

       NO ONE TURNS BACK ON CONAN.
DrWorm, Jul 31 2010
  

       If it was posted by either of them, there would be no "presumably" in the first sentence.
DrWorm, Jul 31 2010
  

       "They shall beat their swords into ploughshares, their spears into pruning hooks, and their halberds into cake-slicers. Or vice versa"
mouseposture, Jul 31 2010
  

       wouldn't work but [+] for the sentiment: the only weapon that would scale usably would be a halberd or poleaxe as a cutting instrument (f'rinstance you would *not* want barbs on your dinner-trident).
FlyingToaster, Jul 31 2010
  

       Tabasco sauce dispensed by a tiny flamethrower ...   

       [+]   

       [Dr. Worm] you are correct. And you forgot to mention [MikeD]. Which is probably a bad idea - psychos can be sooo touchy about things like that.
8th of 7, Jul 31 2010
  

       can we expand the timeframe to include "salt'n'pepper blunderbusses" ?
FlyingToaster, Aug 01 2010
  

       "salad shooter"
Voice, Aug 01 2010
  

       Cool.   

       I want some incredibly evil-looking rotary pronged thing for eating corn on the cob. With spikes.   

       Btw, see linky for my version of food-based stress management. Shameless, aren't I.
squeak, Aug 02 2010
  

       [Flytoast], the spikes on the trident are necessary. What good is a torturous fork if there isn't an element of danger to the user as well. +
dentworth, Aug 02 2010
  

       Pork sword   

       Beef bayonet
DenholmRicshaw, Aug 02 2010
  

       the things that go through my twisted mind...
Voice, Aug 03 2010
  

       <shudder>
8th of 7, Aug 03 2010
  

       [voice]: If you have a dinner-table argument, a trident might be going through it soon.
shapu, Aug 03 2010
  

       A variant could be the antique dentistry & surgery cutlery set, with gruesome-looking saws, pincers and scalpels for diners to grapple with.
pocmloc, Aug 03 2010
  

       I'd be surprised if there wasn't some desperate dentist who's eaten with their tools.
DrWorm, Aug 03 2010
  

       That would certainly allow for a proactive dental hygiene.
rcarty, Aug 04 2010
  

       I'd be more worried about harmful chemicals than sterility.
rcarty, Aug 04 2010
  

       // ingested more harmful chemicals //   

       Well, that explains a great deal....
8th of 7, Aug 04 2010
  


 

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