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imperfect not tense

photographs made natural to stop the gossip
 
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fashion models and screen stars with beautiful figures and flawless complexions lie awake nights worrying that the gossip columns will be suggesting that their magazine and film photographs are, ahem, touched up. all this worry causes premature wrinkling and is bad for business.

to counteract this cause for concern, photographs could be slightly modified to add a few interesting and dignified imperfections. digitally add a small pimple here and there or perhaps a small scar which would provoke interest in perhaps an otherwise boring glimpse of breast.

perhaps, add on just a couple of pounds to the hips, creating a flutter of excitement with the hint of an unexpected pregnancy?

the hair could be made to look just slightly greasy and a trace of tomato ketchup around the mouth would bring a certain charming girl/boy next door quality to our favourite people.

po, Jan 10 2004

Miss Digital http://www.missdigitalworld.com/
[kbecker, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Stunt woman for Barbie http://www.cindyjackson.com/
[kbecker, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Celebrities with & without makeup http://www.ebaumsworld.com/celeb.html
[krelnik, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Bikini model before & after digital retouching http://homepage.mac...l/bikini/index.html
(requires JavaScript be enabled for the rollover effects to work) [krelnik, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Blonde model example http://homepage.mac...l/blonde/index.html
(Same site, also requires JavaScript) [krelnik, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

[link]






       Yes, but they are not "normal."
k_sra, Jan 10 2004
  

       Miss Digital World (link) won't have such problems. Soon there won't be any human models left, only some stunt models for situation where digital just won't do. Stunt models can be replaced with new ones when they wear out.
kbecker, Jan 10 2004
  

       I thought Barbie did her own stunts.
k_sra, Jan 10 2004
  

       Miss Digital is slightly cross-eyed. my dad liked that in a woman, he really was a very strange man.
po, Jan 10 2004
  

       Po, I know what you mean. Like when I met this guy at a charity function. He was good-looking, really good-looking, but I wasn’t attracted to him at first, because he was just too attractive, too perfect. But we got to talking, and it turned out he wasn’t perfect at all. He was unemployed, had all sorts of mental problems, and was a fugitive in five states, stuff like that. It was a real turn-on, so I took him home. And then he comes out of the bathroom, naked, and he’s an Adonis. I say, so where’s the horrible disfiguring scar, and he says I can’t see it because of the lighting. But later I went through his wallet and checked him out. Tuned out the guy was a billionaire, no mental problems, no criminal activity. Shit! When I confronted him, he was as smooth as Cary Grant. He even told me he loved me. Well, you can imagine my reaction! I had to kill him. There was nothing else I could do.
pluterday, Jan 10 2004
  

       And he's buried right in your back yard. <G&R>
Letsbuildafort, Jan 10 2004
  

       That's rough, [plute]. You sure got my sympathy.
k_sra, Jan 10 2004
  

       plute, funniest thing I have read in ages & such insight to female psychology (what is that all about, eh?)
po, Jan 11 2004
  

       people get into those magazines because of their looks.. If you want "stars" with imperfections, check out *Average Joe*
v0rtexx, Jan 12 2004
  

       vurt, somehow I think you have missed the *point*
po, Jan 12 2004
  

       pu, so instead of having the gossip columnist commenting on their "touch ups" to make them more appealing, your gonna use "touch ups" to make them less? hmm... Couldn't they comment on that?
v0rtexx, Jan 12 2004
  

       & how petty would *that* sound?
po, Jan 12 2004
  

       But if women don't have these images of perfection to aspire to, how will they find meaning in their lives? Cooking and cleaning might not be enough for ALL women? (please note the sarcastic tone).
dobtabulous, Jan 12 2004
  

       lol. even with the sarcastic tone, po's gonna getcha for that remark :)
v0rtexx, Jan 12 2004
  

       Wouldn't top models then just fret about whether their last photo-shoot made them look scarred and pimply enough?
hippo, Jan 12 2004
  

       decisions, decisions...
po, Jan 12 2004
  

       And here I was thinking this was going to be some awkward linguistic thing on negating imperfective tenses...
RayfordSteele, Jan 12 2004
  

       //photographs are, ahem, touched up//
I think the premise here is flawed. Pretty much every glamour magazine cover, advertising artwork, movie poster and other deliberately released photo is in fact touched up already. There's no "ahem" about it, everyone knows it.
krelnik, Jan 14 2004
  

       krel, ahem *touched up* over here means something ahem, different!
I appreciate why you may not have come across this usage of the phrase.
po, Jan 14 2004
  

       [after a quick trip to a slang dictionary] Ah yes, I see. But you used that term in your idea, is that what you meant?
krelnik, Jan 15 2004
  

       There goes my crush on Christina Applegate.   

       Dang, and here I thought it was a new form of speech.
GenYus, Jan 15 2004
  

       krel, its just not a phrase I use that often :)
po, Jan 15 2004
  

       Added a couple of other links that show the typical amount of retouching that is done already. Celebs do not fear it, they insist on it.
krelnik, Jan 15 2004
  
      
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