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multi tracheas

A solution to those political limited
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The Dictionary says that the plural of trachea, also known as a windpipe is also trachea or commonly tracheas. US president Trump now has a political opponent, a well respected and capable former US vice president, Joe Biden with his running mate, a former attorney general for the State of California and prosecuting attorney, Kamala Harris.

In comparison to his political opponent, Trump will suffer if he continues to have only one trachea for making political comments about his adversary. Trump now needs more than one trachea if he wishes to have a chance to successfully defeat Biden and Harris who are known for their competence, knowledge and ability to govern.

What is proposed here is a medical procedure for Trump, to rearrange his trachea into multiple tracheas. When healed having multiple trachea will enable Trump to speak out of more than one trachea at the same time. Simultaneous comments by Trump about his political opponents will greatly boast Trump’s credibility and popularity and increase Trump chance for reelection by those who still listen to him.

el dueno, Aug 12 2020

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       Perhaps swap the new trachea for his larynx? Twice as much huffing-n-puffing, but no drivel spewed forth...
neutrinos_shadow, Aug 12 2020
  

       I thought he was already using his descending colon for this purpose.
Loris, Aug 12 2020
  

       I'm seeing a short-armed shoggoth. Is that where you were going with this?
pertinax, Aug 12 2020
  

       White man speak with forked tongue. Orange man speak with forked trachea?
kdf, Aug 12 2020
  

       Could enough such duplication offer simultaneous speeches in other languages?
whatrock, Aug 12 2020
  

       I think you misspelled trachea, regards the organ from which Trump talks - if he wants to badmouth multiple folks at once, what he needs is of course, multiple ani.
zen_tom, Aug 12 2020
  

       Ha, [zen_tom], you one funny guy. I hereby volunteer to perform said trachea splitting surgery, done in a completely sterile room with nothing but my fist shoved down his throat. That should do it.
blissmiss, Aug 12 2020
  

       If you can tear him an extra anus that way, it would be even more impressive, and exceptionally scary. You might even garner a nomination for the Queen Boudicca Memorial Award For Extremely Frightening Persons Of The Female Persuasion...   

       // done in a completely sterile room //   

       Why ? You can wear gloves and surgical greens, and shower afterwards, shirley ?
8th of 7, Aug 12 2020
  

       Gloves make it kind of "draggy" going down the throat. As opposed to my smooth skin. Get it? Good.
blissmiss, Aug 12 2020
  

       I was going to suggest shoving his OWN fist down his throat instead, but with his Tiny Hands, it probably wouldn't work...
neutrinos_shadow, Aug 12 2020
  

       [bliss] no! You're surely not qualified to perform this particular medical procedure without backup? Then again, the Orange Man is equally unqualified for his role, so it kind of evens out. Two arseholes ahoy.
zen_tom, Aug 12 2020
  

       // backup //   

       Hur hur hur... innuendo there...   

       // draggy//   

       You could use some sort of lubricant, such as copious quantities of warm lard...   

       <Gratuitous 'Deliverance' "Squeal like a pig !" reference/>
8th of 7, Aug 12 2020
  

       "Russian Collusion" sounds a lot like "Weapons of Mass Destruction" or "Gulf of Tonkin Incident". Not to jinx it, but it seems we've made it another 4 years without invading anyone else.
sninctown, Aug 13 2020
  

       So obvious, in retrospect, the answer was right there in front of us the whole time.
tatterdemalion, Aug 13 2020
  

       "Warm Lard", are you out of your... (whoops, almost said it again)...are you crazy?   

       I'm Vegan. Can't touch it. Give me some good ole Vasoline.
blissmiss, Aug 13 2020
  

       //"Russian Collusion" sounds a lot like "Weapons of Mass Destruction" or "Gulf of Tonkin Incident". Not to jinx it, but it seems we've made it another 4 years without invading anyone else.//   

       Yes, which is very disappointing. I think we need to have an all out nuclear war with Russia to show Putin who's boss. Yes, some people might get hurt but think of how virtuous we'll look.   

       We also need to go to war with the Iran, Syria, North Korea, the North Pole, the South Pole, the Moon, Mars and Kepler-452b.   

       Time to get back to spreading peace and goodwill through nonstop precision guided aerial bombardment.
doctorremulac3, Aug 13 2020
  

       //Not to jinx it, but it seems we've made it another 4 years without invading anyone else// - the run-up to an election they're likely to lose is usually a very popular time for autocratic leaders to initiate a small, distracting war...
hippo, Aug 13 2020
  

       In this case, though, he seems to be going for a *civil* war, so [sninctown]'s point about invasions would still hold.
pertinax, Aug 13 2020
  

       I would like this idea if it weren't wrapped up in the daily anti-Trump rant. Tell you what. Make a daily anti-Biden rant and I'll bun them both.
Voice, Aug 13 2020
  

       //Yes, some people might get hurt...//   

       Really? If you think about it, a nuclear war would be largely peaceful. The fighting could drag out to maybe... a week? Would people get hurt? Well, for many, it would all be over before pain signals got to their destination. In terms of area under the curve, the graph of total human suffering could look pretty good in that situation.   

       //Kepler-452b//   

       They've had it coming for some time. It's not much to ask that they buy a few F16s now and then, but no. Silence.
bs0u0155, Aug 13 2020
  

       They still haven't returned our bloody hedgecutters, either. Ungrateful, we call it. Them and their noisy parties, and interstellar spacecraft coming and going round the clock, and they fill up all the resident's parking orbits even though they don't have enough permits ...   

       Send 'em all back ...
8th of 7, Aug 13 2020
  

       Damn straight! And while we're at it, anal prob em right back! Left front too!   

       //They've had it coming for some time.//   

       And hey, don't even get me started about Proxima Centauri b. Bunch of theoretical life-form bastards. Multi-cellular? More like multi-stupidular. I say nuke the hell out of them, existing or not.   

       //a nuclear war would be largely peaceful.//   

       I've always said, after a few flashes, the noise fades away and nuclear war would turn out to be very peaceful indeed. Hey, close enough to ground zero you wouldn't feel a thing. One day you're stressing about politics, the next you're lazily floating about the stratosphere, not a care in the world.
doctorremulac3, Aug 13 2020
  
      
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