Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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nasal cigarette holders

Make better use of your orifices
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I can't safely claim this idea as my own, knowing that "cigarettes up the nose" have probably featured in dozens of cartoons over the last 400 years. However, for the following reasons, I think the time to make this idea a reality -- that is, to produce nasal harnesses, tubes and clips allowing cigs to be suspended in front of and smoked through the nose -- is now.

1. Convenience
Modern urban life has created such a need for rapid simultaneous activity that crazed professionals have had to apply a computer term, "multitasking," to themselves. Recent cultural and legal changes have forced on-the-job smokers to spend much of their free time outdoors -- but the amount of talking and eating that can be done during a smoke break has been limited by the use of a single passage.

With properly designed nasal fixtures, smoking can happen at the same time as we fulfill our other physical and social needs -- even (if we are careful) the more intimate interpersonal ones -- without wasting a single precious second. And smoking two cigarettes at once has never been easier!

2. Fashion
As the auto and condom industries already know, a good solid idea will only go so far; the rest is embellishment. The NCH is a perfect example. Not only will the natural variations in size and shape produce job opportunities for NCH fitters, but there are endless style possibilities. Some will prefer eyeglass-style bridge or ear supports; others will opt for a whole false nose; fearless youth can suspend the works from a steel bar rammed through the nasal septum.

3. Innovation
In other words, we should do this simply because it's new. After centuries, at the dawn of a new millennium, we're still smoking in more or less the same few ways. Freud has shown us that meaningful development is not possible for those fixated in the oral stage. The NCH will allow progress in areas we can only dream of. For instance, the "circular breathing" technique known to didgeridoo players will allow NCH users to emit a continuous stream of smoke.

And if we can get beyond the traditional idea that smoking must involve the respiratory tract, then there's even more territory to be explored.

There's probably much more to this idea that I'm missing because I don't smoke, so I leave the rest to you.
illustration

hob, Jun 04 2001

[hob, Jan 23 2005]

Nasal smoking is not unheard of... http://www.jefflindsay.com/CUSS.html
Section 4 [angel, Jun 04 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]

[link]






       A variation on tossing a cigarette into one's mouth from chest height has been successfully achieved into the nostril by myself and other bored smokers one drunken night last summer. (it is very difficult but with the correct nasal inhalation the result is of utmost hilarity).   

       Once you light it though - you're in real trouble. It would take a lot of training to smoke through the nose, as when 'raw' smoke goes in there it's quite painful. The nose is a bit sensitive for smoking - only for the "biologically destined" [link].
benfrost, Jun 04 2001
  

       benfrost, based on my own limited experience and seeing kids in their early attempts, raw smoke in the throat is painful too, till you get used to it. Training is what it's all about.
hob, Jun 04 2001
  

       Do people *want* smoke that can be fitted nasally?
angel, Jun 04 2001
  

       They don't want it yet, Angel, but if hob has his way, they will. It's called "progress."
snarfyguy, Jun 04 2001
  

       Could you also fit it with mandatory "beware of cancer" signs?
Cats Whiskers, Jan 23 2005
  
      
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