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poorflys

Road Safety Training for Flys
 
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It is time that something is done about the terrible plight of Bees, Flys and small flying insects. Many millions of these poor, innocent creatures are being killed every year on Britain’s roads. Hitting a windscreen at over 40mph is usually fatal, and also makes a mess.

It is time these creatures were educated. I propose a Road Safety training scheme, which could be introduced into beehives and stray dung pats nationwide. The main points covered would be the hard hitting facts, for example,

There are over 10 million cars in the UK, a recent survey showed an average of 100 fly splats per 40 miles of driving. The average motorist travels 12,000 miles in a year, so we can see that over three hundred million flys die every year as the result of small brains and lack of concentration.

A Fly is 1000 times more likely to die hitting a windscreen at 90mph, than by repeatedly flying into a closed window pane.

Flying away from the flow of traffic is no safer, you cannot Fly at 90mph, and if you are hit up the ass at 90mph, whilst doing 10mph yourself, your backside will come out of your mouth at around 80mph.

For bees, do you realise how difficult honey is to get off windscreens?

It is suggested that you all fly at over 14ft. Whilst this puts you in more danger of being eaten by a sparrow, at least the sparrow doesn’t have to clean you off his windscreen.

I also think this should be included in the driving test. Although swerving at 70mph to avoid a fly may seem pointless, it can save you up to 20 seconds of windscreen cleaning. With each car hitting over 30,000 flys a year, this simple action could save you 7.9 solid days of windscreen cleaning every year, or a solid year and a half in a lifetime.

Think about this. Next time you are in the fast lane of the Motorway, doing 90mph, and you see a fly in front of you, swerve left.

Better still, give yourself more chance of avoiding the fly, by driving in the middle lane, then you can swerve either way. Oh, and why not drive at under 40mph, large flies can sometimes survive this impact, and following drivers will realise what you are doing, and blow their horns to help warn the flies of their presence.

So everyone is happy. More flies are educated about the advantages of flying at over 14ft, Bees will also heed this advice. Wasps – well they can die, they’re pointless creatures anyway. We have saved ourselves a year and a half of life, and we also know why old bastards do 40mph in the middle lane.

Long Live Flys.

ferrismrk, Apr 05 2003

Widow(er)s Club For Ducks http://www.halfbake...0Club_20For_20Ducks
related idea by [Helium] [krelnik, Oct 21 2004]

Some Help http://anwo.com/sho...html/bumblebee.html
Scroll to ‘Bee Crossing’ sign [Shz, Oct 21 2004]

[link]






       if we didn't have glass in our cars at all, they could just pass straight through unharmed.
po, Apr 05 2003
  

       unless they plough into our eyes, and we in turn plough into other road users!
MikeOliver, Apr 05 2003
  

       Is that the fly of your pants, or are you just happy to run at 90 mph?
FarmerJohn, Apr 05 2003
  

       +
I don't care if you *are* a bug collector Lady, you ain't pickin' my teeth.
thumbwax, Apr 05 2003
  

       What was the last thing to go through the fly's mind as he hit the car windshield?
bristolz, Apr 05 2003
  

       we have a problem.
po, Apr 05 2003
  

       His ass.
bristolz, Apr 05 2003
  

       ouch - you silly!
po, Apr 05 2003
  

       Question of pedantry: is 'flys' an acceptable plural?
I thought it was 'flies.'
my face your, Apr 05 2003
  

       [my face] I was about to say the same. I thought it was my scarce knowledge of the english language... but at least "flies" is the plural they teach english students in Mexico.   

       Anyways, there's no way to stop the killing of small insects. I don't see the purpose anyways. If millions of them didn't die by hitting windshields, their numbers would increase so much that they could take over the control of the planet. SCARY!!
Pericles, Apr 05 2003
  

       props for all the effort that went into that post, ferris. and thanks for the laugh.
Eugene, Apr 05 2003
  

       Uh, I don't think *any* Insects have the intelligence to understand the training you have devised...
smileydudette, Apr 06 2003
  

       Neither do most learner drivers.
sambwiches, Apr 06 2003
  
      
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