It is time these creatures were educated. I propose a Road Safety training scheme, which could be introduced into beehives and stray dung pats nationwide. The main points covered would be the hard hitting facts, for example,

There are over 10 million cars in the UK, a recent survey showed an average of 100 fly splats per 40 miles of driving. The average motorist travels 12,000 miles in a year, so we can see that over three hundred million flys die every year as the result of small brains and lack of concentration.

A Fly is 1000 times more likely to die hitting a windscreen at 90mph, than by repeatedly flying into a closed window pane.

Flying away from the flow of traffic is no safer, you cannot Fly at 90mph, and if you are hit up the ass at 90mph, whilst doing 10mph yourself, your backside will come out of your mouth at around 80mph.

For bees, do you realise how difficult honey is to get off windscreens?

It is suggested that you all fly at over 14ft. Whilst this puts you in more danger of being eaten by a sparrow, at least the sparrow doesn’t have to clean you off his windscreen.

I also think this should be included in the driving test. Although swerving at 70mph to avoid a fly may seem pointless, it can save you up to 20 seconds of windscreen cleaning. With each car hitting over 30,000 flys a year, this simple action could save you 7.9 solid days of windscreen cleaning every year, or a solid year and a half in a lifetime.

Think about this. Next time you are in the fast lane of the Motorway, doing 90mph, and you see a fly in front of you, swerve left.

Better still, give yourself more chance of avoiding the fly, by driving in the middle lane, then you can swerve either way. Oh, and why not drive at under 40mph, large flies can sometimes survive this impact, and following drivers will realise what you are doing, and blow their horns to help warn the flies of their presence.

So everyone is happy. More flies are educated about the advantages of flying at over 14ft, Bees will also heed this advice. Wasps – well they can die, they’re pointless creatures anyway. We have saved ourselves a year and a half of life, and we also know why old bastards do 40mph in the middle lane.

Long Live Flys.