Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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rent-a-fexion

Stressed? misunderstood? Let rent-a-fexion put the world to rights!
 
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How many times have you wanted to be held, just like your mummy used to, and be told that everything's going to be allright?

Imagine, you are a stressed out exec, just come out of a meeting with the board, you're facing redundancy, that twat that just started is after your job, your're behind on your mortgage payments, the wife is at the nail salon, the kids at jazz class. You want love and understanding, but you're in no mood for sex...where can you turn to?

Rent-a-fexion to the rescue! dial the number and the discreet van will come to your chosen location. Walk into the van and sit on the comfy armchair, to be met by one of our soecially trained ladies. She sits beside you and hold your aching head to her ample warm bossom which smells of your comforting (previosly chosen by you) scent. She cradles your head and strokes your hair and pats your back gently whilst whispering soothing lines like:

"shhh there, there, that's my soldier" "bad boss come and say bad things? leave him alone (slaps imaginary bad boss) can't you see he is tired" "it's not babito's fault the profits are down, leave him alone he is trying real hard"

etc etc

Around 1/2 an hour should do the trick, you leave refreshed, and hopefully gurgling.

In my fragile mind, I see rent-a-fexion vans permanently parked outside Wall Street- I also see a massive market in Japan. Inspired by boyfriend who i sometimes "treat" and who said he would "pay for it".

Am i mad or does someoone out there see my point?

gusta, Jul 17 2003

similar?? http://www.halfbake...y_20fondling_20crew
[po, Oct 04 2004]

similar??? http://www.halfbake..._20Office_20Workers
[FarmerJohn, Oct 04 2004]

[link]






       The Happy Cuddle Club!
angel, Jul 17 2003
  

       I thought this is what stressed-out execs have mistresses for. Better ask DrCurry. He's a stressed-out exec.
snarfyguy, Jul 17 2003
  

       i agree- but the mistress costs more and might add to the stress in the long run. This is strictly no strings attached affection, on call, on demand, 24/7.
gusta, Jul 17 2003
  

       But you can have sex with mistresses.
DeathNinja, Jul 17 2003
  

       gusta, get a cheaper mistress.   

       I'm sure I did something similar - cannot be bothered... its hot...
po, Jul 17 2003
  

       Mistresses have nothing on my team. These women will be specially trained to be the sweetest, most loving and gentle a-fexioners. They will even pull your socks up and give you an apple as they wrap you up warm when you are ready to leave.   

       Sometimes you just want to feel protected and safe. It would be an opportunity to regress back to childhood for the grown man.
gusta, Jul 17 2003
  

       fexion as in affection as in rent affection crap name i know...open to suggestions....
gusta, Jul 17 2003
  

       (af)fe(ct)xion - hanging out with thumbwax too much.   

       linky..
po, Jul 17 2003
  

       Still sounds like a hooker to me.   

       Oops. Not you [po].
phoenix, Jul 17 2003
  

       Wouldn't it more properly be spelled: "fection?"   

       The 2nd ed. of the OED has no listing for "fexion."  It does, however, have a listing for "fex," as so:   

       1. Sediment, waste, excrement. (obs. rare.)
1545 T. RAYNALDE Byrth Mankynde (1564) 73b, A watery substance, thicke like bryne, or other fex mixed with water
  

       2. Variant of fax, n, (obs.) Hair.
bristolz, Jul 17 2003
  

       Charlie: "I..I just want you to hold me Ma'am"   

       Lady-O-the-Night: "Whatever your pleasure, Charlie, but it all costs the same."   

       ---Young Guns
vendetta, Jul 17 2003
  

       charlie = cocaine!!?!!
po, Jul 17 2003
  

       It's a Hugo-Sheen hybrid.
Cedar Park, Jul 17 2003
  

       That sounds like a Brazil shader, [Cedar].
bristolz, Jul 17 2003
  
      
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