Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Compound disinterest.

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  (+9, -1)(+9, -1)
(+9, -1)
  [vote for,

I walked down the stairs into the chuch basement, realizing for the first time just how afraid I was. I'm a sicko. Sure, these people have their problems, but me...

God. I'm so weak. Right in front of me, a few steps away, is salvation. But I'd rather take the bus back home, back to the soft computer glow, back to forgeting life in a fuzzy haze of "inventing."

I finally reach the bottom of the stairs. Each inch towards the door slows down time, like walking cautiously into a black hole. No, get a grip. Withdrawl hurts, but I have to grit through it. I can't live like this... the door creaks open without my touch, like a goddamn horror movie. I finally walk out of the cold night air and into an equally cold basement. Except now the air smells like sweat. My brain struggles to see how this is an improvement of my situation.

Someone: "Take a seat." I comply, not really caring who spoke, "I'm Thomas," but finding out anyway. "You are?"

Me:"Notmarkfl... I mean, Mark. Flynn." He smiles. I suddenly want to crack his teeth individually.

Thomas: "It's okay. If you want to use your baker name, that's fine. Now why dont you tell us why you've decided to come" For a while, all I can do is take a deep breath and hold back a tear.

Me:"I post. All the time, pure crap." A tear comes out, like a chink in the armor, a gap in the wall. "I just post, and anno, all day long... I, I don't go to work, I dropped out of school... I walk around my house with a syringe of custard, looking for inspiration." The room spins, but I dodn't care. My body feels stock still even while the universe seems to speed clockwise before me. "For the love of god, Shot-Fun? Puns all of them... my entire life has been one mfd after another, but I keep going back."

It all slows down again, settling, and I'm on the floor, staring at people's feet and discarded gum wrappers. Thomas has a hand on my shoulder, the other holding a cup of coffee.

Thomas: "Calm down. You're with friends here. Lets get you up." I stand on wobbly junky legs and cradle the coffee. Just the smell makes me want to vomit, but the warmth in my hand helps steady me. "See Andre?" Andre waves to be helpful, and says something along the lines of 'hi'. "Andre used to anno on every single entry. He'd spend hours hitting F5 on the main screen. Sally over there? She's an autoboner, but she's learning to stop."

Me: "Who's that? In the corner."

Thomas: "He's the moderator. If he starts to walk over to you, just keep quiet, and maybe apologize to him when he's done."

The spin starts again, stops, and alternates directions for the rest of the night. But every day, I think...

...I'm getting better.

And I have an idea for safer seat belts.

notmarkflynn, Feb 20 2006

Halfbaker's Anonymous Halfbakers_20Anonymous
Not a lot of detail, but then it hardly needs it, does it? [DrCurry, Feb 20 2006]

Halfbakery Detox halfbakery_20addiction_20-_20detox
[DrCurry, Feb 20 2006]


       [marked–for-deletion] beat-up-on-notmarkflynn-day. Um, sorry, redundant.
DrCurry, Feb 20 2006

       Redundant. And pointless. And yet well written and strangely comelling. [+]
hidden truths, Feb 20 2006

       I have no withdrawl, I'm English
po, Feb 20 2006

       <Researches "comelling," finding nothing except 337 other misspellings.>
bristolz, Feb 20 2006

       <where's that pedant trap when you need one?>
DrCurry, Feb 20 2006

       You forgot to add the smell of cigarettes. Actually, they don't smoke in many help groups anymore, but I heard they used to, and you could be guaranteed cancer before you went back to drinking/smoking/baking.
daseva, Feb 20 2006

       [DC] Here it is. Be very careful, the slightest thing will trigger it.   

       Oh, and [gumbob], it's actually, not //Acually//   


       Great. Now I have to reset it, and my hand is caught in the d*** trap.
DesertFox, Feb 21 2006

       //my entire life has been one mfd after another// this made my day
JesusHChrist, Feb 21 2006

       Don't know if this is pedantry or not, but, [UB], the acronym for the Dr.'s idea would be HA. HB Anon would be a place for people to go who live with rampant halfbakers, in the vein of Al Anon. They learn to place less blame on themselves and such.   


       [DF], corrected, thanks! Now I'm off to halfbake a Pedant Trap Resetter.
daseva, Feb 21 2006

       Anno-onandonanon. Twelve easy steps, one way or annother.   

       [DF] sp. d***ed or d***able trap. A d*** trap would be some sort of device to catch curses, maybe using a balloon or a gyroscope and...   

       I, too, am addicted to halfbakerhol.
spidermother, Feb 21 2006

       [notmarkflynn], I hereby sentence you to one-line annos.
Ling, Feb 21 2006

       Let's see if you take that one small step.
Ling, Feb 21 2006

       Then you can try shorter ones.
Ling, Feb 21 2006

Ling, Feb 21 2006

       Exactly who has the problem here?
notmarkflynn, Feb 21 2006

       Hey, it works!
notmarkflynn, Feb 21 2006

       Sort of.
notmarkflynn, Feb 21 2006

       Just one line.
That's what they all say.
Shz, Feb 21 2006

       I should get an [mfd] veto or something...
notmarkflynn, Feb 24 2006

       Talk to the webmaster. She doesn't always delete everything that's [marked–for-deletion] (a simple search shows that), and I have been asked, on occasion, to remove MFDs deemed inappropriate by the webmaster.
DrCurry, Feb 24 2006


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