Test yourself: Lock all doors, draw blinds. Place fingernail against flange at outer edge of nostril next to cheek, nail surface upward. Scrape fingernail gently but firmly toward bridge of nose. Examine nail. If you see a deposit of light, clear oil you are a Nose Oil Producer! Congratulations!

Nose Oil is a low-viscosity natural lubricant of pristine impurity. In some circles* it has been compared to SAE 60 turbine oil. Others liken it to ghee. Scientists** classify Nose Oil as a "sweet" hydrocarbon, while crude oil is termed "bad-tasting" and most bunker fuel is, chemically speaking, "leftovers." What does all this technical jargon mean? Nothing! That's why it's So Important To Know!

Nose Oil, like 2-inch bits of string, can be used for a thousand useful uses. "Oh, really?" you say in disbelief.

No! Not really! Identified uses number only 5 (documented in links):

1. Electron microscopy
2. Musicianship
3. Lip care
4. Kitsch jewelry
5. Espionage (Ok, burglary, but espionage sounded better.)

A use that is not useful: Fisherpeople, do not use Nose Oil for dry-fly dressing. It will not work. We have tried it. And we found that if you are clumsy you can get the hook stuck in the flange of your nose whilst trying to oil-up the fly. (If you cast as poorly as we do you will get the hook in your nose soon enough anyway. Why rush it?)

Want to learn more about Nose Oil and your entrepeneurial future as a Nose Oil Producer? Look elsewhere, friend! All that's left here are the Footnotes.***

* Drinking circles.
** Gumby scientists.
*** Dedicated to Monty Python. We still miss them.