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Ant Gardeners

The self-sustaining way to a perfect lawn
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We already know that many kinds of ant farm aphids and other insects. Now it turns out they are also capable of weeding, using their formic acid stings as herbicide.

So, here at Halfbaked Laboratories, we have interbred sundry species of ant to produce the Gardener Ant.

Place the enclosed box on your lawn, and forget about ever tending your lawn again. In short order you will have a long-lasting colony of ants that not only keeps the lawn clear of pests and weeds, but ensures the lawn is properly aerated by farming worms (we figured that would work better than aphids). Moreover, these cunning insects get their nutrition from the grass itself, keeping it always leveled off at 4" high.

And for those of you concerned about your chrysanthemums, merely plant the enclosed chemical markers along the floral border of the lawn, announcing to the ants that these areas are off limits. Coming soon: our Flower Garden Ants, capable of preserving a wide variety of garden flowers, while weeding and killing their pests.

[po: like my women, I like my lawns luscious, but okay, just for you, we'll trim it a bit.]

DrCurry, Sep 27 2005

Gardening Ants http://www.nytimes....bse.html?oref=login
[DrCurry, Sep 27 2005]

That would be Curry Drive, po http://snipurl.com/hzkh
[DrCurry, Sep 27 2005]

[link]






       yeah, fine if I only want the one kind of tree. what is the ant going to do for my chrysanthemums?
dentworth, Sep 27 2005
  

       6"? thats a bit long isn't it?
po, Sep 27 2005
  

       me thinks that curry is a city dr
schmendrick, Sep 27 2005
  

       dr?   

       drain? driven? drool? drivel? droll? dream?
po, Sep 27 2005
  

       women are quite accustomed to men exaggerating their girth but not their lush lawns   

       I like my grass a bit shaggy!
po, Sep 27 2005
  

       [Po], are you conveying secret message to [blissmiss] again?
Susan, Sep 27 2005
  

       no. you intercepted a secret message to DC.
po, Sep 27 2005
  

       just their corpses
schmendrick, Sep 29 2005
  

       We might be able to make such ants soon, but how would we keep them from evolving undesirable habits?
Ford, Mar 26 2008
  

       Two problems.   

       (0) Worm farming is not going to work unless the ants get some return. And what are the ants going to do for the worms?   

       (1) Even four inches of grass is a meadow, not a lawn. Two inches is the maximum for a civilised English lawn.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 26 2008
  

       MB: I am neither civilized nor English, so I’m sticking with 4”.
DrCurry, Dec 22 2018
  

       Tautology. If you are not English, you have no right to claim to be civilized.   

       <Waves at [Dr. Curry]/>
8th of 7, Dec 22 2018
  

       //Mar 26 2008// ... //Dec 22 2018//   

       I'm sure the definition of "repartee" includes a timing element.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 22 2018
  
      
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