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Anti-Viagra

Emergency morning glory reduction
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Have you ever been embarassed by a splendid exhibit of morning glory that simply won't subside? Problems getting into your pants so you can hobble to the 8.03 train to work? Rudely awoken from that exquisite dream during an interminable meeting, and struggling awkwardly to hide the concomitant evidence beneath the boardroom table?

A solution to this pesky inconvenience is now at hand. Simply swallow an Anti-Viagra tablet, and the problem woodman will immediately subside. The effect lasts for barely 15 minutes, enough to rearrange clothing and effect a retreat.

Anti-Viagra is herbal, healthful and harmless. No more relying on ice cold water. No more conjuring up foul and unpleasant mental image pictures of vile creatures, your mother-in-law or painful partial dismemberment. Reduce zipper accidents and resulting emergency-room sniggering.

phlogiston, Nov 22 2003

sounds the same... http://www.shrinkydinks.com/
...would this be a homonym? [lintkeeper2, Oct 17 2004]

How to avoid... http://www.waferbab...idmorningerections/
A few solutions for the often troubled. [meow, Oct 17 2004]

[link]






       Er, um, is "A solution to this pesky inconvenience is now at hand" really the best phrase to use here?
half, Nov 22 2003
  

       [half] inconvenience - Webster's gives: 'That which gives trouble, embarrassment, or uneasiness; disadvantage; anything that disturbs quiet, impedes prosperity, or increases the difficulty of action or success.' I think that this definition might be appropriate for the extra-tumescence that Anti-Viagra is designed to (temporarily) remedy. Emergency relief only.
phlogiston, Nov 22 2003
  

       <sidles up to phlogiston and coughs serruptitiously> um, 'at hand,' cough, cough, nudge, wink...
yamahito, Nov 22 2003
  

       [half] Chasteberry (Vitex agnus castus) was used by monks to reduce the desires at hand, but I have no idea how long it takes to work.
kbecker, Nov 23 2003
  

       Magic?
Pseudonym #3, Nov 23 2003
  

       There are lots of anaphrodesiacs (many anti-depressants, for example). However, something that works to remove blood from the penis this quickly seems impossible to me. Magic.
waugsqueke, Nov 23 2003
  

       Dunno, Waugs. After all, viagra works by promoting the delivery of blood to the genitals, or so I've been led to believe, which is why (I'm told) it also enhances the female sexual experience.
yamahito, Nov 23 2003
  

       tourniquet?
po, Nov 23 2003
  

       Whisky.
Overpanic, Nov 23 2003
  

       a tight tourniquet reaches the parts other spirits cannot..
po, Nov 23 2003
  

       Warm milk.
bobisnotmyuncle, Nov 23 2003
  

       // viagra works by promoting the delivery of blood to the genitals, or so I've been led to believe //   

       Yes, but it's a whole other business to get it out once it's in. Viagra promotes the delivery of blood everywhere, not just the genitals.
waugsqueke, Nov 23 2003
  

       That was bloody awful [UB], I'll fang you very much.
silverstormer, Nov 23 2003
  

       Can't you just tuck the end of it into your sock and use your shoelaces to strap it down to avoid it rearing up at inconvenient moments? That's what I do!
dobtabulous, Nov 24 2003
  

       Look out for [dob]. He's the one with thigh high socks and boots ;)
silverstormer, Nov 24 2003
  

       lol [silverthingy]! Flip-Flops actually!
dobtabulous, Nov 24 2003
  

       Seems appropriate to bone this one.
lintkeeper2, Nov 24 2003
  

       Duct tape.
snarfyguy, Nov 24 2003
  

       [snarfguy] Ooooh!Erection camouflage AND a brazilian wax in one!
squeak, Nov 24 2003
  

       Further thoughts regarding all-important branding for this contra-tumescent product. De-boner? HardOff?
phlogiston, Nov 24 2003
  

       "shrinkydinks" is unfortunately taken, [phlog]. <link>
lintkeeper2, Nov 24 2003
  

       I once new a man who swore that saltpeter would do the trick. It also has the added advantage of creating an explosion to distract while you run away. He once posted the idea at a lovely place called waferbaby [see link].
meow, Nov 25 2003
  

       +, those damned in-class hardons are so annoying. Especially when you're sitting next to that sexy German redhead and all you want to do is carry it through to the natural conclusion...this would at least take care of the problem immidiately.
Eugene, Nov 25 2003
  

       The truly suave turn embarrasing erections into appreciated compliments...
TerranFury, Mar 02 2004
  

       You could go for the pre-emptive approach, a vodka a day keeps your pecker at bay.....
q2cannonfodder, Mar 02 2004
  

       i could see how this would be a hot item for the women to slip it to their man when she is off on a trip.
the27man, Aug 13 2004
  

       Or has a headache, or isn't feeling well, or is tired, or needs to be up early, or wants to watch Lifetime, or...
shapu, Aug 13 2004
  

       //Anti-Viagra is herbal, healthful and harmless.//   

       Yeah, it's magic. Besides, I _like_ scaring my wife every morning.
GutPunchLullabies, Aug 15 2004
  

       Sorry, I don't play with myself that way. This risk of ANY side effect (I know you stated there are none, but I never be convinced) is way to scary. If it ain't broke, don't fix it!   

       //I once new a man who swore that saltpeter would do the trick.// [meow]   

       I heard they used to put it in soldiers' food. It is also the rings found on cigarettes, put there to make it burn even.   

       If this really too much of a problem, a punch to the gut works. Makes the blood flow somewhere else!
Around TUIT, Aug 15 2004
  

       What we need is social acceptance for a perfectly normal biological function.
5th Earth, Aug 15 2004
  

       Stand up for your right to stick out!
Around TUIT, Aug 15 2004
  

       Poor guys. I do believe I've never really had this problem.
destructionism, Aug 15 2004
  
      
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