Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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I CAN HAZ CROISSANTZ?

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Attack furniture on Patrol

Warning sign for your front door to deter unwelcome visitors
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Warning ! Attack furniture on patrol. This sign would be prominently displayed on your property as a deterent. The idea is that it places a deep dread, rising from a fear of the unknown, in the mind of a potential intruder.

Who relishes the idea of being pinned down by a raging wardrobe, ably assisted by a swarm of folding chairs?

xenzag, Oct 05 2005

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       [marked–for–deletion] absolute bollocks, completely lacking in invention.
ConsulFlaminicus, Oct 05 2005
  

       ...anything to fill the userpage "eh"?
skinflaps, Oct 05 2005
  

       Beware! Attack fishbone.
coprocephalous, Oct 05 2005
  

       Still waiting for [coproc]'s fishbone to attack. Clearly not trained properly.
moomintroll, Oct 05 2005
  

       Mine is!
wagster, Oct 05 2005
  

       Is the idea for the sign, or the actual furniture? If you can create real furniture that will identify and safely immobilise and intruder, then this gets my bun, just as soon as you explain how.   

       If it's just the text for a sign, I've always thought "Danger Extreme Biohazard", "Beware of the Ant" or "This Property is Protected by Snipers-R-Us. Please call 0800-555-666 for assistance or to report a pick-up" would be quite the deterrent.
zen_tom, Oct 05 2005
  

       A recent psychologists's report commissioned by the Home Office in the UK revealed that one in ten burglars expressed a fear of becoming entangled with folding chairs when making good their escape. Now go and fetch a stick and I'll throw it for you little doggies.
xenzag, Oct 05 2005
  

       I don't find this the least bit amusing. Is it me?
kaeru, Oct 06 2005
  

       yes
skinflaps, Oct 06 2005
  

       //burlgar //
what is burlgar, some type of burlap cigar or an internet burger of some sort? is it good? can i have some?
schmendrick, Oct 07 2005
  

       A burlgar is an inturder who takes your thnigs.
wagster, Oct 07 2005
  

       im glad to know i played a small part in that.
schmendrick, Oct 08 2005
  

       This idea takes us into Dr Who territory I'm pleased to say. "Terror of the Autons" featured a plastic 'attack' chair that wrapped itself around it's victim and suffocated them to death. Classic stuff.
DrBob, Oct 09 2005
  

       "A burlgar is an inturder who takes your thnigs."   

       At first i thought you were just an idiot ... but then i realised ... and now i can't stop laughing (God i hope that wasn't just a typo).   

       -I don't like the idea.
Mrlemonjelly, Nov 22 2005
  

       Don't like my idea? good ! Means you won't be tempted. I had one of these signs outside my former home for years and my house has never been broken into - at one time every single property on my street was robbed apart from mine.
xenzag, Nov 23 2005
  

       I don't believe that.
bristolz, Nov 24 2005
  

       Neither do I, but I'd like to.
wagster, Nov 24 2005
  

       It's true, a house with a sign in the window... ANY SIGN... is less likely to be burglarized than a house without a sign in the window. I suspect burglars are deathly afraid of reading.   

       As to the furniture, Definitely! You should train them folding chairs to attack, or at least set them near the windows. They make a terrible racket.
ye_river_xiv, Jun 19 2006
  

       On the basis that the best form of defence is attack (? Napoleon ?), why not enlist the use of an ideal covert system such as furniture? I'm thinking of anaesthetic / sedative-dart launchers in chair arms, HV Stun supply to metallic items (e.g Kitchen chairs or Bar stools), pepper spray dispensers behind eye-level devices (kitchen cabinets, cooker hoods), nylon trip-wires at the bottom of stairs (reduces risk of serious injury) and suchlike.   

       Alternatively use piezo "sound-bombs" placed inside / under furniture to disorientate / disable any intruder.   

       Also alternatively - an "on the CHEEP" option would simply to invest in three Sun Conures - those who know, know just what I mean!
Parrotile, Dec 22 2009
  
      
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