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Bad news softener

Don’t get depressed, get slightly less depressed.
 
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How many times have you said. "Oh my ****** God that’s horrible!" at something you've herd on the radio? wouldn’t you like to be able to feel good, yet keep apprised of the rapidly disintegrating world which is surely going to end... just hopefully not before the next session of American idol?

This speaker attachment, using highly advanced and complicated voice recondition, is able to since bad news when it comes on and adds a sweet underling melody that will make the next massive earth quake, volcano, government collapse, revolution, oil spill, alien attack sound just as it was intended to sound like. Something that’s happening far away, that may or may not affect you.

“It’s like lessoning to the band play... while the titanic sinks!” my cat

Weasel 16, Apr 24 2007

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       Ah, yes, disasters with Muzak - *that's* what I've been missing in my life!   

       For myself, I usually don't turn the goggle box on in the first place. Works like a charm.
DrCurry, Apr 24 2007
  

       I like what the spellchecker has done for you. "surly going to end" is the best.   

       Surly you're joking!
I'm not joking, just surly.
bungston, Apr 24 2007
  

       Sins against the OED notwithstanding, this is pretty cool.
shapu, Apr 24 2007
  

       I liked "herd on the radio" - reminds me of "Farming Today" (BBC Radio programme)
hippo, Apr 24 2007
  

       Can I have a bit of that "voice recondition" so that I sound more like Frank Sinatra, please?   

       And what's with this "next ... alien attack"? I missed the last one. When was it? ;)
Murdoch, Apr 24 2007
  

       [hippo] I was going to say "The Archers".
theleopard, Apr 24 2007
  

       I'm fond of the subtitle.
pigtails_and_ponies, Apr 25 2007
  

       Did the band really play "my cat" while the Titanic sank?   

       Is that sweet underling melody something like kissing up to your boss done really artfully?
squeue, Apr 26 2007
  

       A sweet underling melody is the sort of music that would be suitable to play at an Umpa lumpa party (or any occasion where minions employed in the confectionary industry might congregate)
zen_tom, Apr 26 2007
  

       my cat gave to quotation, its a joke.
Weasel 16, Apr 27 2007
  

       If bad news is to be softened, the corollary that necessarily follows in order to maintain harmonic balance in the universe is that good news must be softened, too. [-]
nuclear hobo, Apr 27 2007
  

       /bad news when it comes on and adds a sweet underling melody/   

       Kind of like on Funniest Home Videos when they play The Blue Danube over a montage of people loosing their footing on concrete boat ramps.
Texticle, Apr 27 2007
  
      
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