Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Ballistic Curling

  (+7, -2)
(+7, -2)
  [vote for,

I am currently watching (on TV) curling, from the winter olympics.

Live commentary:

"The last few ends, he's struggled." "He's about 8foot back. He's got to be sure that if he missed the guard he's still got an open option." "The Swedes can hardly bear to look. They've got two stones to go." "ooooh, that's hanging" "pah, pah, pah, pah....ahhhh!*" "He can now use his own to tap up, so that was a great result." "Aye." "So....there are two Danish stones in the house...." etc etc etc.

(*my exclamation mark)

For fucks sake. This is a sport in which a man with beard slides across a small patch of ice pushing a large stone kettle quite slowly.


Simply combine curling and shooting. Or have the commentators nude. Or put it all on the luge course. Or something. For fuck's sake.

There. I feel better now, and this has saved me from launching into a rant.

[UPDATE: "We've had to put back our coverage of bobsled because of the excitement there in the curling."]

MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 23 2010

This is the sport for you to watch http://www.youtube....watch?v=9y5JL2r3coc
[zeno, Feb 24 2010]

These guys are good http://www.youtube....WF_Y1EU&feature=fvw
[zeno, Feb 24 2010]

Not even adding explosions can help this sport... http://www.youtube....?v=MOeO5H5ARGw&NR=1
Rather lame attempt by some youtuber to sex it up. [RayfordSteele, Feb 24 2010]

Sissification of the panhelenic games http://en.wikipedia.../wiki/Pythian_Games
[mouseposture, Feb 24 2010]


       There are many sports that could do with a bit of gunpowder and ballistics calculations... cricket for instance.
FlyingToaster, Feb 23 2010

       When watching the curl yesterday, I actually did comment that it would be a lot more exciting if, instead of sliding granite down the ice, they used big cartoon bombs.
DrWorm, Feb 24 2010

       How about trying to shoot the thower, while he tries to curl without being shot?
phoenix, Feb 24 2010

       ...alternately, small cartridges of air inside the stone randomly vent, changing the stone's path...
phoenix, Feb 24 2010

       Lots of sports are in reality unfinished design plans.   

       Curling should be combined with the Shot-Put and Figure Skating.
Ian Tindale, Feb 24 2010

       I feel the exact opposite way. I love the calm slowness of curling.... in fact I'd slow it down more if that were possible. I'd like to see what it was like combined with snooker though.
xenzag, Feb 24 2010

       In alternate rounds of curling, the participants should use an over-arm action.
hippo, Feb 24 2010

       ...or the curling rink (pitch? arena?) should have moguls.
hippo, Feb 24 2010

       Other team members should be made to sit at the end with their legs apart so a miss curl will hit them in the nards.
marklar, Feb 24 2010

       //Simply combine curling and shooting// - actually there would be some skill involved in 'steering' the curling stone by shooting at it. Participants might have to wear body armour because of the risk of being hit by a ricochet.

I want curling commentary to be done by the Mitchell & Webb snooker commentators ("And that's a bad miss...").
hippo, Feb 24 2010

       // this has saved me from launching into a rant //   

       There's something you ought to know, [MB] ...   

       [+] for ill-advised and highly dangerous use of projectile weapons.
8th of 7, Feb 24 2010

       I don't mind watching a bit of curling every now and again and have even played it for real once, but the tedious, unrelenting, night after night coverage is totally depressing. It's as if someone decided that housework (in this case sweeping) wasn't really tedious enough so they added a stone slowly rolling across the ice just to to make it that little bit extra boring and then added some really, really boring commentators into the mix just to make sure that the audience would be reduced to total, soporific inactivity rather than spend their time looting or running around in a lynch mob.

Of course the real solution, as with most sports, is to stick a large windmill in the middle of the track. I'm surprised Max, that after all this time, you still haven't learned that simple fact.
DrBob, Feb 24 2010


       Olympic sports have become way to sissified. In Athen's zenith, long jumpers purportedly broke both legs on their landings. Why are there not gladiator tournaments?
MikeD, Feb 24 2010

       //I'd like to see what it was like combined with snooker though.//   

       So would I.
I posted Curlliards at one time and I was going to shamelessly link to it but it has vanished from my idea list.

       What's with that?   

       //Of course the real solution, as with most sports, is to// switch off the TV, leave the premises, do something useful and interesting, read a book, etc. etc.
pocmloc, Feb 24 2010

       //do something useful //

Does not compute!
DrBob, Feb 24 2010

       I wonder if anyone would notice if both players decided to just stop, and stand there, for a very long time. Or to not move at all. (Dr.Bob, I like the windmill image. Very...uhm European looking.)
blissmiss, Feb 24 2010

       ////Of course the real solution, as with most sports, is to// switch off the TV, leave the premises, do something useful and interesting, read a book, etc. etc.//   

       [pocmloc] - you're telling _Halfbakers_ to do something useful?
gisho, Feb 24 2010

       Curluge. Hmmm... I like it.
RayfordSteele, Feb 24 2010

       [blissmiss], you mean like cricket?   

       I once went ice skating on a frozen meadow, and the water level had dropped so the ice was a series of big shallow dishes about 50' across and perhaps 1' deep. Most entertaining.
pocmloc, Feb 24 2010

       Perhaps this could be played on a frozen lake with dynamite.   

       The skill would be to blow a hole in the ice and sink the opponents whilst still maintaining an approximate alignment with the rules.
DenholmRicshaw, Feb 24 2010

       // on a frozen lake with dynamite //   

       Yee-haw ! Load up the pickup with beer, and let's roll !
8th of 7, Feb 24 2010

       Intercontinental Ballistic Curling?
Jinbish, Feb 24 2010

       These are all excellent ideas. "Intercontinental Ballistic Curling", "Curling on a frozen lake with dynamite", "Curling with moguls", "overarm curling"....... I love them all.   

       If we could just drop the "curling" aspect of these ideas, we'd really be cooking with gas.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 24 2010

       //Olympic sports have become way too sissified// Yup, they got sissified 194 years after their inception, in 582 BCE (link)
mouseposture, Feb 24 2010

       One easy way of improving almost any Olympic sport[*] is to return to spirit of the original Olympic Games and have all the contestants compete in the nude.

[*] except weightlifting
hippo, Feb 25 2010

       //contestants compete in the nude// //except weightlifting//   

       Clean & Jerk?
Jinbish, Feb 25 2010

       I scrolled all the way down here to find out this isn't an idea on how to curl my hair with explosives?
xandram, Feb 25 2010

       //I once went ice skating on a frozen meadow, and the water level had dropped so the ice was a series of big shallow dishes about 50' across and perhaps 1' deep//
Ideal for crown green curling.
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Feb 25 2010


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