Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Biscuit resurfacing device

Dredge them back up from the deeps
  (+17, -2)(+17, -2)
(+17, -2)
  [vote for,
against]

You sit in your chair, looking around distractedly... then you hear that terrible *thlop* noise as a good portion of your biscuit sinks out of sight.
But never fear! The H.M.S Dough-drop is here.
This miniature replica boat floats on the surface of your beverage and deploys a small rope, or 'string' to the bottom of the cup. The boat will directly deploy the string with an anchor shaped piece of metal on the end for immediate retrieval of the unfortunate cookie.
However, should the biscuit have been submerged for any lengthy period of time (more than around 4 or 5 seconds) it will have lost, what is known among other experts in the field (i.e pooduck) as 'snackular confinement'.
This leaves two options, either a fine mesh net can be deployed with a magnet on each of its 4 corners to reach around the biscuit and bring it slowly to the surface, or you can finish your drink and do what you can for it's poor, beached carcass.
fridge duck, Aug 03 2005

and it has to be mcvitie's for my money http://www.nicecupo...revious.php3?item=9
crushed up, they make a super base for a cheesecake. [po, Aug 04 2005]

The Graham cracker http://www.nicecupo...vious.php3?item=115
A New World digestive. [coprocephalous, Aug 05 2005]

Mango Biscuits http://www.rathergood.com/biscuits/
It's sort of beautiful... [wagster, Aug 05 2005]

A nice cup of tea http://www.flickr.c...antindale/25776575/
You might need one of these, too... [Ian Tindale, Aug 05 2005]

Ig Nobel Prize http://www.improb.c...n-daily-100299.html
Some scientists help to change the world. Some don't. [reensure, Aug 05 2005]

[link]






       The boat could be powered by a Stirling engine, operating between the (hot) beverage and (cold) ambient.
Texticle, Aug 03 2005
  

       What would the boat be constructed from? What's it's power source? How does it zero in on bottom-dwelling biscuit sludge? Will it make my tea taste 'orrible? Oh, just so many questions but an excellent idea anyway. Have a damp croissant.
DrBob, Aug 04 2005
  

       American cookies float better, retrievable for several minutes, given their 40% content of styrofoam and airated sugar.
dentworth, Aug 04 2005
  

       hah, dent.   

       I suppose depth charges are out of the question.
po, Aug 04 2005
  

       Hah!
So this isn't about something to replace the cream/icing/glaze/whatever that you've just licked off...
No.
robilode, Aug 04 2005
  

       What [robilode] said, i.e. reapplication of the jam in a spoilt jammy doger, or the ripply surface on a half-melted chocolate digestive. But [+] anyways.
zen_tom, Aug 04 2005
  

       I can sort of figure out the appeal of a "jammy dodger", but "chocolate digestive"?
half, Aug 04 2005
  

       baseball terms?
po, Aug 04 2005
  

       The chocolate digestive is the backbone of dunkable biscuitry. While there are most certainly those who remain true to the classic, unblemished digestive as prime dunking material, the chocolate version brings a little luxury into the experience marking it out as the eminent post-modern biscuit.   

       More recent developments on the chocolate digestive include the 'HobNob' which, undoubtedly, is the rightful monarch over all dunking biscuits. It stands alone in its majesty, a truly noble biscuit, yet still it maintains and remains proud of, its more humble digestive roots.
zen_tom, Aug 04 2005
  

       Actually, [fridge duck], the crumbular cohesion of the biscuit will decay depending on the temperature and viscosity of the host fluid.   

       A cup which released bubbles from the base would be effective for the removal of sunken snacks.
pooduck, Aug 04 2005
  

       I think half, like me, is just turned off by the term "digestive", which brings to mind guts and churning and all sorts of non-cookie type visuals. I'm assuming a digestive is a type of "biscuit" which in turn is what we Yanks call "cookies". Am I right in this?   

       Because I was raised in a family where a biscuit is a doughy lump, or dough cut in a wide cylinder, slightly sweet, risen and baked and then split and smeared with butter and honey. They aren't very dunkable.   

       And a "digestive"? Well, we don't have anything like that here. I always envisioned some kind of zwieback cracker or something like babies eat. I'm not sure why I picked that instead of, say, an Ex-Lax bar. Which seems to fit the term "digestive" quite well.
junglefish, Aug 04 2005
  

       I thought this would be something to smooth the surface of substandard biscuits - I read 'resurfacing' to mean what it means in 'road resurfacing'.
hippo, Aug 04 2005
  

       to further confuse the semmantics (sp), there is a wooden biscuit which is used in cabinetry to join the pieces at a corner, a biscuit joiner is a router device which digs a little trench for the biscuit sides to fit into.
dentworth, Aug 04 2005
  

       I'm with hippo.
moPuddin, Aug 04 2005
  

       Oh, and don't forget the "biskit", as in "chicken in a biskit", those little crackers that are so, so tasty.
junglefish, Aug 04 2005
  

       I'd prefer the word "salvaging" be used instead of "resurfacing".   

       I just found some rectangular chocolate-coated biscuits/cookies called Tim-Tams. The packet advises biting off two opposing corners and using the thing as a straw to slurp up one's drink.
baconbrain, Aug 04 2005
  

       <eh> I thought this was a joining aid .... like reworking dado, dovetail, dowel, or biscuits with a router attachment.   

       All this confusion in making me hungry.
reensure, Aug 04 2005
  

       By the way, I love po's link - it's truly inspired stuff with more instances of different biscuits (classic, UK meaning) than you can shake a biscuit tin at - which incidentally leads me onto the observation; Why have I not seen a new biscuit tin for so long?   

       There was a time when biscuit tins were the preferred storage container, not only for biscuits, but also for bits of string, needle+thread, a pair of scissors, some sticky-backed plastic, even fireworks.   

       (Sincere apologies to [fridge_duck] for going so far down the biscuit tangent)
zen_tom, Aug 05 2005
  

       //Why have I not seen a new biscuit tin for so long// Visit any National Trust shop.
Great link [po]
As to the idea, if you drink direct from a cafetiere, you can quickly remove biccy slurry by pulling the sieve bit up.
coprocephalous, Aug 05 2005
  

       Hell's bells, copro, I was just about to suggest copying the cafetiere as the basis for the construction of the device. I am a victim of anno gazumping!
calum, Aug 05 2005
  

       I'm a lean, mean annotatin' machine. Float like a bumble bee, sting like a butterfly.
coprocephalous, Aug 05 2005
  

       [coprocephalous] That's another question I have - What the hell is a graham? In England, it might be the name of a small boy, or that of celebrated author, but in more American climes, you find such things as 'Golden Grahams', granola bars 'with pieces of Graham', and now it would seem, 'Graham Crackers'. So what, or who, is this Graham?
zen_tom, Aug 05 2005
  

       I am terribly confused. please send examples of biscuits immediately, Fed Ex to Dentworth, 1111View Street, Fairfax, Va, USA.   

       thank you so much.
dentworth, Aug 05 2005
  

       and "digestives" don't forget the digestives.
dentworth, Aug 05 2005
  

       Graham refers to graham crackers, primarily. Its just a type of cracker, thin and crispy, sweet and when two grahams are used to sandwich chocolate squares and marshmallows together, the result is called a 'smore. 'Smore what? you ask. Go watch 'Sandlot', a great film made in the mid 90's highlighting some of the finer points of summer time americana in the late 1950's. All will be revealed, then.
daseva, Aug 05 2005
  

       <somewhat OT>Living in France for a year, after meals, people kept asking me if I wanted a digestive. Thinking it would help the cheese course, I accepted, and was usually pleasantly surprised to be presented with an Armagnac, or best of all, a Bouchinot.
coprocephalous, Aug 05 2005
  

       'Crackers' and 'sweet' in the same sentence? I wouldn't normally associate crackers with being sweet - horrible dry tasteless things. Like eating crispy slabs of expanded polystyrene.   

       Biscuits are fine to dunk in tea or coffee, but in my opinion the most sensorially rich experience is that of dunking a croissant into coffee. Of course it means a coffee full of pastry detritus, but that's the price to pay for such a sensorially rich experience.
Ian Tindale, Aug 05 2005
  

       You could avoid croissant flotsam in your coffee by using a syringe to inject coffee into your croissant.
hippo, Aug 05 2005
  

       You could, but that would be being a bit anal about what is actually an extraordinary oral experience.
Ian Tindale, Aug 05 2005
  

       hold a croissant to your ear and hear the atlantic ocean lapping the beach in brazil.
po, Aug 05 2005
  

       Arguably better than the reverse, [Ian]
hippo, Aug 05 2005
  

       Oh, that dreaded *thlop*. [+]   

       I'm a Yank who's actually tried the chocolate covered digestive bicuits of which [zen_tom] speaks, and I can confidently say that, besides the fact that this makes me more special than your garden variety Yank, these said biscuits are actually pretty good. I found them at a British store adjacent to a pub called "Ye Olde King's Head" here in California.
Machiavelli, Aug 05 2005
  

       //the fact that this makes me more special than your garden variety Yank//   

       That's not the *only* reason surely!
zen_tom, Aug 05 2005
  

       *blushing* Well, no. You're absolutely right. The fact that I can do good imitations of British accents is the other reason.
Machiavelli, Aug 05 2005
  

       Phew - I knew it - did you ever try a Hobnob? It's like a coarse-grained digestive, and you can get them in plain, or milk chocolate versions too. Well worth a look out, and really good with a suitably nice cup of tea.
zen_tom, Aug 05 2005
  

       Nope, the ones I've had are McV's, I think. At least when I googled "chocolate covered digestives" the McV's packaging looked familiar.
Machiavelli, Aug 05 2005
  

       How is it, why is it, and where is this discussion of nostrums going?
reensure, Aug 05 2005
  

       Zen_Tom - don't apologise, tangents are almost always the best bits of conversations. Also, the nice cup of tea and a sit down book is quite entertaining if anyone is thinking of reading it.
fridge duck, Aug 05 2005
  

       What a quintesenntially British idea. Over-engineered, involves Her Majesty and centres around drinking tea.
hidden truths, Aug 05 2005
  

       While were still confusing people I feel I should mention Sea Biscuit which is also not suitable for dunking in your tea.
Cubical_View, Aug 06 2005
  

       Although Red Rum probably is.
Ian Tindale, Aug 06 2005
  

       You know what I love about this website? Thirty-five annos later and nobody's mentioned the word "spoon" as a possible alternative:-) Got to love the Half-Baker's Creed. Low-tech? Might as well be using your fist... For whatever it is.
MrDark, Jul 09 2007
  

       Spoon... so 20th century.
wagster, Jul 09 2007
  

       Bun, I would also like it to Sing " What shall we do with the dunken Biscuit, early in the morning! OOray an up she rises, OOray and up she rises - early in the morning!" whilst resurfacing the biscuit
S-note, Jul 09 2007
  

       //a fine mesh net can be deployed with a magnet on each of its 4 corners to reach around the biscuit // I believe a purse-seine net would be what you're looking for.
wagster, Jul 09 2007
  

       [S-note] There should be a choice of appropriate songs which can be played when biscuits or other baked goods are surfaced - e.g. if a piece of cake is resurfaced, "Amazing Cake", to the tune of "Amazing Grace".
hippo, Jul 09 2007
  

       Brilliant Hippo! Have a look at my evolved Teacup!
S-note, Jul 09 2007
  

       Spoon? Might as well just take a rock and smash the cup to retrieve your sodden baked goods. Barbarian.
Galbinus_Caeli, Jul 09 2007
  

       I do not take biscuits with my coffee but still absolutely love the idea of a replica warship sailing my cup.
oniony, Jun 01 2009
  
      
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