Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Breathalizer Faker II

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Let me begin to commence by starting with the observation that I am not in favour of drink-driving. For one thing, if you can find your car (let alone the ignition), you are not taking your drinking seriously.

Having said that, I was recently breathalysed for the first time. It was a spot-check and, to my embarrassment, I scored 0.00 on the breathalometer.

This event gave me the opportunity to spot a loophole (or "loop-hole", but strangely not "loo-phole") in the procedure. The Very Nice Policeman handed me a little plastic package with a white plastic mouthpiece in it. He asked me to open the package, and then to insert the mouthpiece into the breathalometer before blowing into it. I presume there is some law that says that only you can handle the mouthpiece. Likewise, after the test, I was asked to remove and retain said mouthpiece.

If I had been (a) drunk and (b) prepared, I could have passed the test using a little sleight of hand. All that is needed is an identical-looking mouthpiece, containing cunning modifications.

One option would be an inline charcoal filter. The myth that activated charcoal in your mouth can fool the breathalyser has been busted, but a tightly-packed inline filter ought to be able to do the job.

MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 10 2015

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       //to my embarrassment, I scored 0.00 on the breathalometer.//   

       Keep a small spritz bottle of whiskey on hand, to be liberally applied to the face as well as a few shots across the gums while the officer is walking up to the vehicle.   

       You might not fool the machine but, if the spirits are of poor enough quality or vintage, breathing heavily into the bobbie's face could get you some paperwork.
FlyingToaster, Sep 10 2015
  

       //Keep a small spritz bottle of whiskey on hand// I do that anyway. I just felt it would have been more supportive to the policeman if I'd scored something closer to a win for him.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 10 2015
  

       I know someone who was taken to a police station for drink driving and managed to eat one of those toilet cubes (napthalene?) that used to be commonplace hanging in men's urinals as fresheners . He was having a pee under police supervision, but still managed to grab the horrible object then crunch it up and swallow the bits. In his mind he thought it would ruin the subsequent blood test. It didn't of course. I am not making up this story.
xenzag, Sep 10 2015
  

       ~Don't eat the big white mints!~
favorite restroom graffiti I ever read
  

       //... and managed to eat one of those toilet cubes (napthalene?) //   

       Let's hope not napthalene. Given that the jar we have in the lab has the orange warning logo with the dead tree and fish: " Very toxic to aquatic organisms, may cause long-term adverse effects in the aquatic environment". Probably not the best chemical to flush into the sewer.
Loris, Sep 11 2015
  

       [Max], you failed to explain why the Very Nice Policeman was breathalysing you, rather than your driver.
lurch, Sep 11 2015
  

       Good point, [lurch]. My drivers all have one week's holiday every N weeks, where N is a different prime number for each driver. Unfortunately, this means that there is one week in N1 x N2 x N3... when all my drivers are on leave. Just my luck it was this week. Shouldn't happen again for about 784 years.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 11 2015
  

       Anyone using this method will have to practise their drunken slight of hand which is a couple of magnitudes harder than normal slight of hand.
wjt, Sep 12 2015
  

       In the case of Spanish police (based on recent experience), it's enough to shout "Look! Tapas!" and point. That gives you several seconds of time to play with.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 13 2015
  
      
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