h a l f b a k e r y
This ain't rocket surgery.
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Today a black man wearing a GORILLA MASK hassled me
change on the subway. I said "no" with contempt,
I am a large dude and can piss off strangers without
fearing for my personal safety, and he was making black
men look bad. Then I thought-- What If I Became A
Woman? And I realized,
if I were a woman, I'd have to
with people asking me for money with POLITENESS
of INTIMIDATION, which would be annoying. And, I
I'd also have to deal with ugly people hitting on me
constantly, because I'd be an attractive woman, and I'd
also have to be polite to them too, and would feel
constantly vulnerable and dirty. And that's terrible.
As I understand it through the haze of tall rich attractive
white male privilege, the main way the feminist
is trying to change this deplorable state of inequality is:
MORE POLITENESS-- that is, the feminine approach of
raising awareness and hoping the bad men change after
someone talks about these issues to them. My BIASES
me toward the synergistic alternative masculine
of SUPERIOR FIREPOWER.
I asked myself: what TECHNOLOGY would I need to feel
AS SAFE as I do now if I were a 95-pound, 5'3",
EXTRAORDINARILY HOT WOMAN? The answer, for me,
was a CameraTazer.
This is a smartphone accessory-- a wearable, concealable
omnidirectional digital camera that constantly records
video. A press of a hidden button uploads the last 15
seconds of recording to a web server, and to friends and
law enforcement as appropriate. The smartphone
accessory also includes a powerful tazer weapon.
Use: If I felt slightly threatened/at risk, I'd activate live
video streaming and location updating to my friends'
smartphones. If I felt more threatened, I'd send the
feed to law enforcement (non-emergency) by pressing a
hidden button, possibly a button hidden in a normal-
looking ring. If someone nearby was actively
I'd press a different button to call the police and a
and charge my tazer weapon.
I would use this as a man, too, to record interesting
I see that happen too fast for me to take out my
Also, an accelerometer in my smartphone and image
processing of the camera feed could instantly call for
if I was hit by a car or passed out drunk in an alley.
Since the CameraTazer is concealed, it acts as a
everywhere-- anyone might have one. The technology to
allow this (cheap cameras, cellphone localization and
video streaming) are new but well-developed.
Mostly redundant with this idea, apart from the bit about the tazer. [hippo, Apr 04 2011]
[daseva, Apr 04 2011]
Recent rally/ march/ slutwalk in Toronto to highlight the intersection of EXTRAORDINARILY HOT WOMEN and white male privelege, state of inequality and CAPS LOCK [rcarty, Apr 04 2011]
||I'll bun the idea, but the near rant at the start which included "black man", "feminist movement", "... white male privilege", "state of inequality", and CAPS LOCK, while interesting to read probably could have captured a little less of your day's emotions and angst, and still said the same thing.
||What rcarty said but without the bun.
||But what did rcarty say? It made no sense.
||Is your confusion to do with "...and still said the same thing". If so, then I agree that obviously saying something else would not be saying the same thing, but it is the Idea that is the thing, or the object, in this forum, and the rest is just noise, so he could have said the same thing/idea even if he didn't say all of the exact same things.
||Oooh, yes, I was also a bit confused when you said 'saying the same thing', because I thought the thing you were referring to wasn't the thing you wanted 'the same thing' to refer to but instead a different thing, namely, a more concise and less emotional recantation of the story itself to be that same but other thing.
||Now I am not one to be easily confused by such
matters but you all seem to be saying the same thing
which is either that you feel that the originator
should have said the same thing, albeit differently, or
that you don't understand why some others might
wish that the originator had said the same thing,
albeit differently. The only one not saying the same
thing, and who perhaps should be saying the same
thing, albeit differently, is the originator.
||Really, given the advantages that fortune has granted the author as listed in the idea, it makes more sense to beta test this device in his own tall, young and well hung white hands (leaving his feet free for savate should the situation warrant). There may be unforseen consequences of using such a device, and better these occur to an individual who has an immaculately effective plan B.
||On the internet, no one knows you're not an
EXTRAORDINARILY HOT WOMAN
||The push button record feature is well baked. (link)
||If your camera phone has a half decent flash (not just some LEDs) you can turn it into a "Tazer" of sorts, by wiring the capacitor leads to contacts on the case. It gives a mild tingle, but an impressive arc if you touch the contacts together which is probably more likely to stun someone.
||Rather than this unproven technology, why not devise some way that an individual can quickly and temporarily assume the haze of tall rich attractive white male privilege? Maybe some sort of springloaded necktie/ moustache / codpiece ensemble?
||Seems like the omnidirectional constantly-recording
video feature would suck the phone battery dry.
||<reads //EXTRAORDINARILY HOT WOMAN// in a David Mitchell voice> </r//EHT//iadmv> Hilarity ensues...