Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Carrier Goose

Oh those helpful Canadians...
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Secure, reliable delivery of messages between continents using the natural migratory instincts of Canadian geese.
Technically they aren't really 'our' geese. They are their own geese but we take credit for them anyway.

-They need no training.
-They are not restricted to one-way communication.
-They will work for peanuts.
-They are slower than snail-mail but they will never go postal.


Selfish self promotion United_20Airline_27..._2c_20Goose-be-gone
[blissmiss, Sep 22 2012]

[link]






       You've never been charged by a hissing goose before.
rcarty, Sep 22 2012
  

       My understanding is that they'd carry the mail for free.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 22 2012
  

       I was under the impression they had bills.
rcarty, Sep 22 2012
  

       I'm sorry, I don't do impressions.
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 22 2012
  

       I'm not impressed.   

       Maybe carrier geese could carry carrier pigeons that could do local deliveries.
rcarty, Sep 22 2012
  

       Shirley swallows would be better?
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 22 2012
  

       Just to be pedantic, there's no such thing as a Canadian Goose.   

       Canada Geese, on the other hand, would not work all that well, since if you feed them peanuts they'll stop migrating.
MechE, Sep 22 2012
  

       // Shirley swallows would be better? //   

       Better than if she spits, certainly.
Alterother, Sep 22 2012
  

       Swallows? She was gosling!
rcarty, Sep 22 2012
  

       Are geese strong enough to transport coconuts? If so, this would answer some very important questions.
8th of 7, Sep 23 2012
  

       Presumably the other geese would be decoys - after all you'd only need two to actually carry the coconut, using a standard creeper held under the dorsal guiding feathers.
8th of 7, Sep 23 2012
  

       If they aren't trained, what happens when Goose 1 arrives incontinent?
Phrontistery, Sep 24 2012
  

       Duck.   

       Would that be considered Mallard Aforethought?
8th of 7, Sep 24 2012
  

       No, stop right there; you're not going to tern this into a Python take-off.   

       Just for the record, it's 20-30 mph, but with a good tailwind they can apparently hit 50-55.
Alterother, Sep 24 2012
  

       Assume an unladen?
4and20, Sep 24 2012
  

       Reliably reported to be extinct.
8th of 7, Sep 24 2012
  

       //airspeed ... good tailwind//   

       Can you explain how a tailwind affects the airspeed? Thanks.
pocmloc, Sep 24 2012
  

       It doesn't. My figures are for groundspeed. Sorry about that.
Alterother, Sep 24 2012
  

       // Can you explain how a tailwind affects the airspeed? //   

       Easy. Geese get bored while flying and don't normally have much incentive to exert themselves, but when it looks like they are going faster for the same amount of effort, they are encouraged to exert themselves more. This same instinct works in the opposite way to prevent them from wasting their energy when there is a strong headwind. In that case they will often just land and wait for more favorable winds.   

       Note: I said I could explain it. I didn't say that the explanation had any basis in fact.
scad mientist, Sep 24 2012
  

       In strong winds, microlights have been observed to make 3-point landings with zero airspeed, or in one alarming case moving backwards at walking pace …
8th of 7, Sep 25 2012
  

       [Scad mientist] is close, but not quite correct. Geese fly faster in a tailwind because they are constantly honking while they are flying. With a tailwind, the sound is pushed forwards and they think that there are more geese in front of them somewhere, so they fly faster to catch up with the other "geese".
phundug, Sep 26 2012
  

       So, if messages carried include a soundchip of geese honking, delivery will be faster?
Phrontistery, Sep 26 2012
  
      
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