Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Cat caller

Call outdoor cats to dinner so you don't have to put up with the smell any longer than necessary
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Open the back door and push the button on your pocket sized, battery powered "Cat Call" (tm, c, patent applied for, all rights reserved, etc). It plays an amplified, digital recording of a can opener loud enough for your stupid, arrogant cat to hear it and come eat his stanky-ass food before you hurl.

Bonus gem o' insight - On the debate of: Which are smarter, cats or dogs? They're both really stupid. Here's a memory trick to help you remember: "When the forehead's a slope, the critter's a dope".

doctorremulac3, Jul 15 2005

Cats like lips, dogs go for fingers. http://www.timesonl...123-1328149,00.html
Warning: Don't read this if you've got a weak stomach [coprocephalous, Jul 15 2005]

the kitten reel Kitten_20Reel
Where can she be? Ahh, let's just wind her back in [benfrost, Jul 15 2005]

[link]






       Why not just mike-up your can-opener?
coprocephalous, Jul 15 2005
  

       Why not surgically implant a telecommunications satellite tracking transponder in his cranium? Maybe remote controlled neuro-stimulating electrodes attached to part of the cat's brain that tells him it's time to eat? (About 98% of a cat's brain is devoted to that very purpose so it wouldn't be too hard to find the right spot) In other words, this is easier.   

       At least you know enough about cats to have not suggested just calling them.
doctorremulac3, Jul 15 2005
  

       Or you could use the cat food (IAMS?) that is dry and doesnt stink if left, and is also good for the nice kitten's teeth. Speaking as a potential Cat Father to be I have taken interest in this area.
and if using dried food the solid rattling of tupperware enclosed goodies usually brings them running (works for next door anyway!)
The_Englishman_Abroad, Jul 15 2005
  

       Now that you mention it, if you get to pick the recorded sound the cat associates with food, Pavlov style, why not pick something more interesting, like Godzilla's roar, or some gal moaning in the height of ecstasy. "OOOohh! doctorremulac3! Your the best!" for instance. Feed the damn cat and impress the neighbors at the same time.   

       Congrats on getting a cat by the way. They're dumb but nice to have around. Feed 'em they'll pretend to love you forever.   

       Bonus fun fact: When an owner dies locked in his house with his pet and the pet has no food, a dog will wait for up to 30 days before eating his owner rather than starving. A cat will wait only 24 hours. (This fun fact verified by the fact that I read it somewhere)
doctorremulac3, Jul 15 2005
  

       Are you saying that after 24 hours your cat would eat you?
skinflaps, Jul 15 2005
  

       Apparently, they start with the lips. [link]
coprocephalous, Jul 15 2005
  

       my Sally comes when called because she's sure to get a treat or a brushing.   

       btw, funny stuff, thanks for the laugh.
dentworth, Jul 15 2005
  

       :)
doctorremulac3, Jul 15 2005
  

       Rather unfairly, if I was locked in my house and my cat died I would wait ages before eating it - small and skinny that it is. If my dog died I would have him in the oven with some rosemary before the day was out, mmmmm.
wagster, Jul 15 2005
  

       [wags] OK, we know Chianti goes with liver and beans... what about dog?
coprocephalous, Jul 15 2005
  

       Congrats, TEA, on your upcoming event. You will be overwhelmed with love, affection, and cuddly stuff, for about a week. Then it will ignore you, shit non-stop, and yak up fur balls every morning right beside your bed, so that you will step on them, upon arising. (Not really, just dustin. But that was when he outgrew the head sucking.)   

       We recently bought a Purina dry food product, just on a whim. (We usually use diet food for them both, since one of them is morbidly obese.)   

       This product is for "Vitality". Whatever is in it has both of them acting like heroin addicts. They shun their favorite moist food, ignore the Iams dry, and sit and stare at the food cabinet, intently for hours, awaiting the "Viatlilty" stuff. We've searched the ingriedients, and can't figure out why. If they love it that much, it has to be unhealthy, is my guess.   

       Most cat lovers I have spoken with use a dual formula. Dry for morning and night. A small dose of moist, as a treat, at dinner time, while you are eating.   

       As for the idea, it made me laugh. But since my little darlings, uhem..., are indoor cats, they are already awaiting their food, long before I open a can. +
blissmiss, Jul 15 2005
  
      
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