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Celebrity-Music Shoehorning Game

For your amusement.
  (+33, -4)(+33, -4)(+33, -4)
(+33, -4)
  [vote for,

A simple game to while away hours in the pub. Take a song lyric and change it slightly so that it contains the name of a celebrity.

For example:
Wind Beneath My Wings: "Did you ever know I'm Bob DeNiro?"

Bitches Aint Shit: "Bitches ain't shit but Stevie Nicks."

Billie Jean: "Tom McKean is not my lover, he's just a girl who says that I am the one. Brian Kidd is not my son."

Autobahn: "Wir fahr'n fahr'n fahr'n auf der Vince McMahon"

Points are awarded for
- making sense
- being funny
- the relative obscurity of the celebrity/song
- a good singing voice

Appeals on points are to be directed to the Independent Points Commission.

calum, Feb 21 2002

(?) The eyes! The eyes! http://www.cmgww.co.../feldman/photo.html
[calum, Feb 21 2002]

(?) "Life is a Rock (But the Radio Rolled Me)" http://www.worldofy...for=radio-rolled-me
God I'm old. [waugsqueke, Feb 25 2002]

Destiny's Chid - Independent Women http://www.rathergood.com/alf/
Shoehorned version. [calum, Mar 06 2002]


       "let's face the music, Anne Frank" tra la la la laaaaah........   

       Just got to think of a song into which I can fit the Mull Historical Society now........
salachair, Feb 21 2002

       Two points for salachair. Both for the mental image of a devil-may-care Anne Frank tap-dancing around her attic.
calum, Feb 21 2002

       "Sugar and spice and Anneka Rice" tra la la laaaaaah.....
salachair, Feb 21 2002

       Thank you, calum. And might I be so bold as to award you fifty points for your Autobahn suggestion. Class.
salachair, Feb 21 2002

       How bout a song that already contains a celebrity name, but we change it? When hearing a particular song, I always mentally replace "Bette Davis" as follows:

"she's got Marty Feldman eyes."
quarterbaker, Feb 21 2002

       I had to look up Marty Feldman to find out who he is. Consequently, quarterbaker storms into the lead with 51 points.
calum, Feb 21 2002

       Haven't done celebrity-rename rewrites, but have often enjoyed a few other little rewrites of songs. For example, after I took my then-girlfriend out to the range, she sang a bit from "Annie Get your Gun"; I rewrite one of those lines for me: "But my score with the ladies / is further down than Hades / 'cos you can't git a gal with a gun." Except actually I did 'git' that 'gal'.
supercat, Feb 21 2002

       "Mr. T and Zsa Zsa G live together in perfect har-mo-ny..."
MrWrong, Feb 22 2002

       As salachair seems to suggest, points in this game can be awarded by any participant or spectator. Only points awards that seem totally unjustifiable will be reconsidered by the IPC.
calum, Feb 22 2002

       the hills are alive... with the sound of (john) cusack... Nice idea calum LOL
beckstar, Feb 22 2002

       Love is like a butterfly, As soft and gentle as a sigh, The multicolored moods of love are like that Chandler Bing.
salachair, Feb 22 2002

       Just a Doris Day,
Drink Sangria with Nick Park,
And then later, when Phillipe Starck,
Ian Holm.
Just a Danny Kaye,
Lou Reed animals in the zoo
Then later, with Scooby Doo,
Ian Holm.

Oh it's such an old Will Hay,
Puff Dad I spent it with you.
Oh such a Linda Gray,
You just keep me Mel Gibson,
You just keep me Mel Gibson.

       Just a Ronnie Kray,
Problems all left Tom Jones,
Vim Wenders on our own.
It's such fun.
Just Fay Dunnaway,
You made me forget Will Self.
I thought “I’m Vanessa Feltz”,
Natalie Wood.

       Oh it's such a Daniel Day,
Lewis I spent it with you.
Oh Larry Olivier,
You just keep me Matt Damon,
You just keep me Matt Damon.

       You're going to reap Gwyneth Paltrow,
You're going to reap, Gwyneth Paltrow,
You're going to reap, Gwyneth Paltrow…

       (with apologies to Lou Reed)
goff, Feb 22 2002

       Übercroissant to both calum and goff.
st3f, Feb 22 2002

       There's a staaaaar man, Waiting in the sky, He'd like to come and meet us, But he knows he'd blow Ralph Fiennes!   

       (ps - how do you do the line break again?)
Saveloy, Feb 22 2002

       Continuing with David Bowie:   

       "Charles Dance!
Put on your red shoes and dance the blues!"
calum, Feb 22 2002

       "I'm going to Grace Jones, Grace Jones, Memphis Tennessee, I'm going to Grace Jones.
Poor boys, Prince Philip and families, and we are going to Grace Jones." [Paul Simon, I'm sorry]
sappho, Feb 22 2002

       saveloy: < b r > ( o n l y w i t h o u t t h e s p a c e s )   

       Lucy Liu Ione Skye Neil Diamond...
st3f, Feb 22 2002

       [st3f] - many thanks!   

       Why do Peters and Lee appear
Every time
Roy Kinnear?
Just like me
They long to be
Saveloy, Feb 22 2002

       On a dark Des O'Connor
Mel & Kim in my hair
Warm smell of The Spice Girls
Rising up through Donna Air
Up ahead in The Go-Gos
I see [sorry, got to go and do some work]
hippo, Feb 22 2002

       I like it Saveloy, I like it a lot.
goff, Feb 22 2002

       Cheers, goff, (your Lou Reed number had me larfing out loud btw). Points to CALLUM for Charles Dance, too.   

       [hippo] - what tune is that?
Saveloy, Feb 22 2002

       Hotel California
hippo, Feb 22 2002

"I just can't John Woo out of my head
Courtney Love is all I think about
I just can't get you out Right Said Fred
Boy it's more than Dan Dare to think about"

I'm pathetic at this game.
sappho, Feb 22 2002

       And I can only play that part
And sit and nurse my broken heart, Sue Lawley
Sue Lawley, Sue Lawley
angel, Feb 22 2002

       "Dom DeLuise, Argentina..."
waugsqueke, Feb 22 2002

       Jack Nicholson, won't you come, and wash away the rain
Jack Nicholson, won't you come, won't you come

[Black Hole Sun]
quarterbaker, Feb 22 2002

       I get knocked down by Vince McMahon, your never going to keep me down........
Skye, Feb 22 2002

       "I fought Jude Law, and Jude Law won."
quarterbaker, Feb 22 2002

       God Save McQueen
thumbwax, Feb 22 2002

       A little one from "the Knack"...   

       Ooh my little Fishy one Fishy one - When you gonna give me some Abe Vigoda - Wojohowitz on my back, on my back - Got it coming all for the Abe Vigoda - ... -   

       Never gonna stop give it up such a Barney mind - I was getting up from the touch of a younger kind - My my my aah ooh - Ma ma ma Abe Vigoda
secretdonkey, Feb 22 2002

       Oooo, remember Chaka Khan?   

       Jackie Chan, let me rock you, that's all I want to do Jackie Chan, let me rock you, let me feel for you...
secretdonkey, Feb 22 2002

       Okay, I'll go way out there with the INXS song, "Devil Inside"...   

       Ed Begley Jr. inside, Ed Begley Jr. inside - Every single one of us Ed Begley Jr. inside...   

       Okay, I apologize, and I'll stop now :-)
secretdonkey, Feb 22 2002

       Take a look at Myra Hindley, She's the only one I got, Not much of a girlfriend, Never seem to get (out) a lot.   

       Take Leonardo ‘cross the water, Like to see an Eminem, See Dr Dre in California, I'm hoping it's going Dido true, But there's Kate Winslet I can do.   

       Could we have Kipling for breakfast, Momma Cass, Mummy Dear, They got to have 'em with Kate Moss, Cos Donald Trump's a millionaire.   

       I'm al Quaida, I'm Osama, Do you want my autograph, I'm Al Bundy, what a joker, I'm playing my jokes upon you, While there's Nostradamus to do.   

       Don't you look at Mike Tyson, He's the Una Stubbs I got, Not much of Alf Garnet, Never Sting to get a lot.   

       Take Madonna ‘cross the water, Like to see Mary Tyler Moore, See the Arnold Schwarzenegger, I'm hoping it's going Tom Cruise too, But there's Nolan Sisters to do.
notripe, Feb 23 2002

       We don't need no education,
We don't need no thought control,
No dark sacrasm in the classroom,
Margret Thatcher leave them kids alone,
HEY THATCHER! Leave them kids alone!
RayfordSteele, Feb 23 2002

       This is the dawning of the age of a Queer Elvis, a Queer Elvis!
RayfordSteele, Feb 23 2002

       Very nice, notripe.
bristolz, Feb 23 2002

       Thanks Bristolz - do you have one?
notripe, Feb 23 2002

       Nah. Don't.
bristolz, Feb 23 2002

       your first one is a classic faceache!
po, Feb 23 2002

       Failte gu fearann air an duine Max Beasley,
William agus Harry agus Charlie a'bhiathaidh;
Kylie leam leabaidh no Cameron Diaz,
Gu faigh mi mo lion an ordugh

       Brad Pitt agaibh na Waltons nach gearain air cruadal,
'Sint air a' bhallaist Tom Selleck m'un uachdar,
Courtney Cox seisear 's an lethcheann air cluasaig,
Ulpagan Joey and Dawson
salachair, Feb 25 2002

       Lambchop "Caterpillar":
I have shat on Green Gartside...
calum, Feb 25 2002

       I don't get that one, calum.
salachair, Feb 25 2002

       Green Gartside... is that the Scritti Politti fellow?
waugsqueke, Feb 25 2002

       waugs, yes it is. He is the only celebrity who rhymes with 'hillside'.   

       salachair, it is off "is a woman".
calum, Feb 25 2002

       Yes, I know the album. In fact I was made to listen to it very recently. I just didn't have a scooby who (or what) Green Gartside was. But I see now. I thank you.
salachair, Feb 25 2002

       One for the French inteelekchuals:   

       "She loves you,
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

       She loves you,
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

       She loves you,
Jacques Der-rid-aaaa!"

       (later in the same tune):   

       "And with a love like that,
Foucault you should be gla-ad...."
Saveloy, Feb 25 2002

       Frankie Goes To Hollywood's "Power of Love" (the chorus):   

       Ken Barlow of love,
Bruce Forsyth above
(Kid Creooole)
Papa! Nicoooole....
Saveloy, Feb 27 2002

       [blissmiss]: you've lost me there, which tune is that?
Saveloy, Feb 27 2002

       On an old re-run of Friends Phoebe sings Elton John's Tiny Dancer as "Hold me closer Tony Danza"
Skye, Feb 27 2002

       //supercat: I hope she's recovered now.//   

       Well, she wasn't bothered by my singing, as evidenced by the fact that four months after we met she became my fiancee and about four months after that my wife.   

       Recovery from the fatal blood clot that lodged in her lung a few months after that (March '99) is another story, alas.
supercat, Feb 28 2002

       (sorry to hear that, supercat)

Finally found a space to shoe-horn into my favourite song!
"They stab it with their Steely Dan,
but they just can't Yasmine Bleeth"
sappho, Mar 01 2002

       ...and still Beach Boys are calling from far away,
wake Lulu up in the middle of the night just to hear Cher say...
hippo, Mar 01 2002

       sappho: strangely enough legend has it that "they stab it with their steely knives" was a reference to Steely Dan after they used the line "Turn up the Eagles/ The neighbors are listening." in the song "Everything you did."   

       [hotel california snipped]
st3f, Mar 01 2002

Then she Lindisfarne Kraftwerk
And she Sham69
There was Vangelis in the corridor
I thought I heard him say
"Welcome to Falco, Spandau Ballet..."
- such a Lydia Lunch
Her mind is Tiffany twisted
She's got the Morrissey Blur
She's got alot of Pet Shop Boys
hippo, Mar 04 2002

       Where we are so far (with lots of st3f and sappho contributions):

On a dark Des O'Connor
Mel & Kim in my hair
Warm smell of The Spice Girls
Rising up through Donna Air
Up ahead in The Go-Gos
I see a Beverley Knight
My PJ Harvey, And my sight grew Wim
Wenders - "Wings of Desire"
Jim Morrison in the Doorway
Pink Floyd - "Division Bell"
And I Viscount Linley to myself,
this could BB King or just Martin Bell
Then she Lindisfarne Kraftwerk
Sinatra showed me the way
There was Vangelis in the corridor
I thought I heard him say
"Welcome to Falco, Spandau Ballet"
such a lydia lunch
Such a Kelly, Grace

Peter O'Toole at the Hotel California
any time of year (any time of year)
it's Donna Summer here (Donna Summer here)

Her mind is Tiffany twisted
She got the Morrissey Blur
She got a lot of Pet Shop Boys
They might be Giants
Howard Jones in the courtyard
Gordon Sumner's sweat
Moondance to remember
Flashdance to forget
so I called up Nik Kershaw
Please bring me Minogue, he said
Bryan Adams ain't been here since Summer '69
and still Beach Boys are calling from far away,
wake Lulu up in the middle of the night
just to hear Cher say...
hippo, Mar 04 2002

       Can I help?


       Nixon and the Office Watergate
Such a Peter Lacey (such an Orlando Pace)
They Liv Tyler it up at the Hotel California
What an Ice-T rhyme, bring your Arthur Blythe

       Mirrorball on the ceiling
The Pink Ladies on ice
Cheech said 'We are all just prisoners here, of Vanilla Ice'
Andy Warhol's chambers,
Dan Rather for the feast
They stab it with their Steely Dan's,
But they just can't Phil Hartman (deceased)
Last thing Miss September ({pick a year}), I was
Running for The Doors
[A slapping by Zsa Zsa Gabor] {{my alternate}}
State of Mind by Clint Black
Seuss Geisel, Theodore
'Just the facts ma'am', said Friday,
'We are Pearl Jam to receive,
You can check out Enya time you like,
but you can Wonder, Stevie'.

       Yadda Yadda Yadda   

       (Apologies to hippo for using Doors reference again...I'm trying to come up with something else)
UhhOK, Mar 04 2002

       //'We are all just prisoners here, of Vanilla Ice'// <chuckles>
hippo, Mar 05 2002

       I would have liked "Relax, said Frankie, we are Pearl Jam to receive". But most of that is top notch, well done UhhOK.
sappho, Mar 05 2002

       If I had a million dollars
We wouldn't have to eat Bob Dylan...
waugsqueke, Mar 05 2002

       But we *would* eat Bob Dylan
Of course we would, we'd just eat more of him...
salachair, Mar 06 2002

       He says, "Son Amadeus a memory,
I'm not Pauly Shore how it goes.
But it's sad and it's sweet,
And I, Picabo Street,
Wore Remy Jungerman's clothes."
ickle me, Mar 06 2002

       we need more christmas carols, i think, like "have yourself a mary j. blige kriss kross", or "" and "Oh, Mr. T, Oh, Mr. T, howie mandel your branches."
subgenius, Jul 05 2002

       "cuz your friends don't dance/ and if they don't dance/ well they're, no Kevin Kline". (a collaboration between myself and my best friend, i can't take full credit)
miss fern, Jul 06 2002

       Diana Ross: "Tell Eddie Waring there's a lost dalmatian".
Ian Tindale, Nov 14 2009

       Not quite celebrities, well not unless someone other than me occasionally peruses Wisden, but how about Cricketers of the year smuggled unobtrusively into Spandau Ballet's 'Gold'?

Thank you for Larry Gomes
I'm sorry that the chairs are all Warne
I left them here Michael Vaughan
These are my EG Hayes
Slowly being AP Day
Just another play Peter May
Oh, but I'm proud of you, but I’m Jack McGlew
Nothing left to make me Lindwall
Luck has left me Malcolm Marshall

Old (Old!)
Always believe in Insole
You've got the R Subba Row
You're MJ Turnbull
Always believe in,
Mold! (Mold!)
Glad that you're Jackie Milburn
There's something I JT Hearne
You're indestructible, Azhuradin...

It did go on rather a lot more but I thought I'd save you all the torture.
DrBob, Nov 16 2009

       When Phil Babb-ulary duties to be done, to be done
Roger Troutman's lot is not a happy one
calum, Nov 18 2014

       Tony Dorigo / children at your feet
calum, Apr 16 2016

       And the beat goes on, Sonny and Cher   

       Lady Lady DI
r_kreher, Apr 21 2016

       Needing some help with this:
Felicity Kendal Michael Knighton DeForest /
Kelly ... um er
calum, Apr 22 2016

       Kelly Brook Taylor Swift Boat Veterans for Truth Justice and the American Way Down South Shore Line Type Feed the Bird Brain one is a genius, the other's insane, to prove their mousy worth, they'll overthrow the earth, they're Pinky, they're Pinky May the Force Bea Arthur Clarke Kelly...   

       Not sure I'm playing the right game...
RayfordSteele, Apr 22 2016


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