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Cocktail dunkers

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The simple act of dunking a biscuit into a hot cup of tea is so natural (at least to those of us in the civilised parts of the world) that it is easy to forget that someone had to invent this process. It began, of course, with Donchad (known in English as Duncan), Earl of Fife back in the 1100's who wanted a simple way to eat and drink simultaneously whilst playing backgammon.

The Earl of Fife was, however, a teetotaller and therefore did not contemplate other potential dunking situations. It is perhaps for this reason that dunking shortbread into cocktails is considered rather a faux pas in most circles. Another reason is that the result is generally disgusting, and tends to leave a visible and unattractive sediment of biscuit sludge at the bottom of your mohito.

Clearly, there is a much-needed gap in the market when it comes to cocktail dunkables which are both highly absorbent and complementary to various spirits. The usual foodstuffs in cocktails - such as olives or pieces of fruit on cocktail sticks - fail to meet this need, as they are insufficiently absorbent and take several minutes to take up any flavour from the drink; clearly, one will have finished and ordered another long before this happens.

MaxCo. is therefore working around the clock to develop a range of cocktail-dunking comestibles. So far, we have had modest success with pieces of coconut, micro-perforated with lasers to create a network of cocktail-absorbing holes. I can modestly claim that the result is a flavour sensation, but only with the sort of cocktails that vulgar people drink at Christmas parties. Urgent research is needed to perfect the sintered olive biscuit, the Sierpinski lemon finger, and the microporous cocktail onion. Donations to the research fund may be made through the usual channels.

MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 06 2017

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       Please remember that "There is no accounting for taste". Therefore if someone claims that the very best combination is a crunchy (not chewy) chocolate-chip cookie dunked in milk, you probably should not argue.   

       Nor should you attempt to get that person to try some combination that would at most only be second-best.
Vernon, Jul 06 2017
  

       Purchase of all MaxCo. products is entirely voluntary. And, for that matter, at the purchaser's own risk.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 07 2017
  

       I once went to the pub with someone who ordered Malibu & milk. So in general, I think cocktails are a Very Bad Thing, and that people should drink the ingredients separately one after the other rather than mixing them up.
pocmloc, Jul 07 2017
  

       You wouldn't say that if you'd ever sampled the separate components of the Intercalary's Retsina Surprise ...
8th of 7, Jul 07 2017
  

       In any case, two of the components are unstable in isolation. That is what makes it essential to prepare the Surprise within five minutes of distilling the raw ingredients.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jul 07 2017
  
      
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