Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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DWUIA Detector

Stop drivers who shouldn't be on the road.
  (+4, -12)(+4, -12)
(+4, -12)
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Drunks on the road get the most bad rap, but did you know that most accidents are really caused by SOBER drivers that are just acting drunk?

This "Driving While Under the Influence of Anything" detector can catch bad drivers that breath tests can't. Like those drivers who are either talking on the phone, retrieving a burning cigarette from their lap, or shaving in the rear-view mirror.

You rig up all autos with two LED lights on the dashboard, and two buttons on the steering wheel where your thumbs are. Then, if the lights come on with a pattern, say, left-right-left and the driver doesn't press any buttons, he/she's either a) asleep; or b) already wrapped around a tree, so maybe the horn would sound.

Or maybe they take w-a-a-a-y too long to press "left-right-left": They're probably drunk or stoned. The car would then, say, decrease its max speed to 20MPH, and flash the headlights for the cops to see.

Of course, when you first get in the car, you will get reaction-time tested with a sequence of lights - in case you're too tired, on some funky medication, or just plain drunk. The ignition key then won't work. The lights come on randomly while you're driving, too - in case you have a bottle of beer or a joint "for the road".

Allow some room for error, by maybe giving another LED test if someone fails the first one, and you got a pretty unbeatable bad-driver detector that also makes the roads safer by limiting the car's speed when warranted.

So if I'm typing on my PDA while going 80MPH, I probably won't get to the buttons in time (let alone see the LED's) and my passenger can't reach the buttons either. In this case maybe the detector should open a parachute and slow me down a bit.

I wouldn't want to hit a bump at 80MPH while I'm also eating my croissants.

blainez, Mar 01 2002

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       Tyranny. Invasion of privacy. Fishbone
Sulla 's Ghost, Mar 01 2002
  

       The test itself, as you describe it (can occur at any time), would be a distraction. The impairment test is an impairment. Have to pass the test while passing a semi on a curve, or the car slows down? Fuck that.
quarterbaker, Mar 01 2002
  

       <News Flash>Body found 300 metres from car. Mysterious fishbones lodged in throat. Film at Eleven</News Flash>
thumbwax, Mar 01 2002
  

       ............but please do try again blainez.....
po, Mar 01 2002
  

       You got damn close to the right catagory so I'll just say try again.
phoenix, Mar 02 2002
  

       Fill me in Phoenix, plz.
blainez, Mar 14 2002
  
      
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