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Exploding Toilet Seat

It's not what you think.
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Of all the amenities available in a home, the toilet is arguably the most versatile, and yet, ironically, it presents certain dangers. This is evidenced by the recent spate of toilet related ideas here at the half-bakery (see link "spate").

For toddlers and small children, there is the danger of falling in. For really sleepy people who don't notice the seat is up, there is the danger of falling in. For people vomiting, there is the danger of hair getting someplace where we don't want it to be. For people discarding really, really gross moldy food from the refridgerator (useful if you don't have a garbage disposal) there is the danger of splattering really gross stuff. For men there is the danger of splashing. For everyone else, there is the danger of men splashing. And finally, but not least importantly, for cats who have been trained to use the toilet instead of a litter box, there is the danger that the toilet seat would be left in the wrong configuration, thereby necessitating creativity on the part of the cat (an undesirable trait in cats).

We need the multi-function Exploding Toilet Seat. This toilet seat takes all of the above uses into account, and the danger associated with each is considered and managed. For toddlers and small children, there is a child-sized training seat configuration, complete with steps by which to reach the infantile throne. For sleepy people, the electric eye mounted in the base unit (the part that's always down) will trigger an audible alarm when it detects something posterier sized breaking the plane of the rim of the bowl. There is an anti-splatter hood which has a smaller opening for splash-free disposing of yucky food. The anti-splatter hood is also useful for vomiting, as it prevents hair or hats, etc. from falling into the toilet. There is, of course, a convenient splash guard for men. The whole thing is programmable and uses voice-recognition to resume your preferred mode when you enter the bathroom. This enables the cat to engage the non-skid, low-aspect seat with smaller cutout with her customary tentative meow, should kitty discover that someone left the lid down. The entire contraption folds away neatly into the gap left by the high-mounted water tank.

There are many challenges and dangers arising from everyday toilet use. It is best to meet them with a veritable profusion--nay, an explosion of features.

dijontoothpaste, Jun 02 2003

Exploding Toilet Seat http://www.cahootspcs.com/ets.html
Diagram of the Exploding Toilet Seat [dijontoothpaste, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

No Hassle Toilet http://www.halfbake...o_20Hassle_20Toilet
The recent spate of toilet-related ideas on HB. [dijontoothpaste, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

How To Toilet-Train Your Cat http://www.karawynn...ishacat/toilet.html
So precarious! Tisk! [dijontoothpaste, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

[link]






       I wish it was what I thunk. 5...4...3...2...1.....   

       (shades of AA)
Cedar Park, Jun 02 2003
  

       Great, [dijon], nay, tremendous! Toilets for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. T.E.T.A. Kudos! +   

       And I love that your diagram is on an envelope. Classic.
k_sra, Jun 03 2003
  

       I laughed.   

       I cried.   

       I croissanted.
ato_de, Jun 03 2003
  

       //Can we have an exploded view?//   

       I always take the exploded view. I heartily recommend it.
dijontoothpaste, Jun 03 2003
  

       What sound do I make if I'm unloading a tub of grandma's cottage cheese salad into the can? In other words, how does the toilet know to go into "old food" mode? (vomiting mode I already guessed.)
k_sra, Jun 03 2003
  

       The dry-heaving gagging noises which flip it into barf mode (boy, does it move quickly) would work fine, since the same attachment serves both purposes (see diagram).
dijontoothpaste, Jun 03 2003
  

       Or temperature sensors that sense two hands holding the bowl, one on each side. There's no other occasion for this.
Cedar Park, Jun 03 2003
  

       Where should one go when the power goes out?
Tiger Lily, Jun 03 2003
  

       It has an uninterruptable power supply, of course, which goes in to "standby" mode when the main power is cut. In standby mode you have to first yell at it to "wake it up" and then you can use it normally. It can last in this power-saving configuration for up to 4 days of typical use (based on a family of four with a cat with urinary tract infection).
dijontoothpaste, Jun 03 2003
  

       //Or temperature sensors that sense two hands holding the bowl, one on each side. There's no other occasion for this.//   

       Some people do not barf this way. Some crouch next to the toilet and brace themselves against other nearby furniture such as the edge of the tub or the counter. Some just bend double and hurl. However, this is simply a training issue, and would be covered in the users manual.
dijontoothpaste, Jun 03 2003
  

       "Multi-Mode Commode" would be the Army's name for it (MMC). The military version would also have a combustion suppression baffle (CSB) for safe disposal of small explosive charges such as hand grenades. This feature is engaged by yelling "Fire in the hole!" Ironically, this feature makes the military version better suited for the civilian version's name. But such are the vagaries of marketing.
dijontoothpaste, Jun 03 2003
  
      
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