h a l f b a k e r y
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Here is how I would like to be re-branded and re-packaged following upon my sad demise. This method of inhumation would require some pre-preparation and no doubt some fiscal clout - but soooo very worthwhile for those with a wicked sense of humour !
Firstly I would employ the services of the very best
taxidermist available and have myself realistically mummified - then my mortal remains would be mounted in a perspex display chamber recessed into the ground such that the roof of the chamber forms my gravestone.This chamber is actually to be mounted on an electrically operated platform - which can lift it into view upon the pressing of a foot-operated button ( perhaps with some sort of pin-code attaching ? ). Thus I can be " exhumed " for viewing by my nearest and dearest at any point after my demise, but would be made very difficult for pranksters and suchlike to operate the mechanism.
Now for the real fun part:- I would have a system of tiny motors attached within my head - so that jaw movement and associated facial movements would be simulatable... along with several appropriately placed speakers. " Voila " - for anniversaries, births, marriages and the like - I would be summonable to " read " carefully pre-recorded snippets of wit and wisdom and prate forth my proclomataions for years after my actual passing in a very realistic manner !!! Think of all the things you might really have wanted to tell some of your nearest and dearest, but were just too damned polite to say so in life ! Well, now you get your chance ! Did you regret that you would never be able to guide your kids through life because of your untimely end ? Again - never fear - that " birds and the bees " discussion, the " dangers of a dissolute lifestyle " lecture and so many, many more can be recorded in advance and stored just for that appropriate birthday or event !!! Cool or What ?
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||Necroanimatronics! Splendid! This could revolutionise the teaching of history, too; cemeteries would become invaluable educational resources.
||Sheesh, just make a video for your crypt like everyone else.
||I told you that if you kept making that face, it would stay like that.
||Fun, huh? Oh yeah, a laff-a-minit, this is.