Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Gyroscopic Toast

Always falls butter-side up
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The point of this pointless invention is to ensure that toast always falls buttered side up.

The bread is pre-fitted with a tazo-like device before baking which is spun up to speed in the toaster.

The only downside I can see, it that there might be some unwanted side effects if someone bites into the gyroscope whilst it is spinning.

From a legal standpoint, I suppose a printed warning could be added to each slice saying something like:

Caution, this product can turn your teeth into stumps.

tonywells, Jun 28 2003

Tazo-like devices: http://www.smh.com..../1044927802189.html
[Amos Kito, Oct 04 2004]

[link]






       "a tazo-like device"...I thought tazo was Starbucks-speak for tea? And you'd need at least two gyroscopes.   

       Do you really drop buttered toast often enough to worry about this?
DrCurry, Jun 28 2003
  

       This would certainly simplify buttering.   

       +
rapid transit, Jun 28 2003
  

       Well DrCurry, I've probably dropped toast about 10 times in my life. I suspect that a similar count exists for the other 20 million adullts in the UK.So that's 200 million potentially wasted slices of toast per adult. Project that over the last 100 years across the world and into the next 100 years, and we therefore have an anormous amount of spoliled breakfasts, and time wasted cleaning up and retoasting.   

       Also BTW, you only need one gyroscope to stop the toast flipping over.
tonywells, Jun 29 2003
  

       If you pre-butter your kitchen floor, you don't have to worry about this.   

       Modern wisdom has it that the chances of a buttered piece of toast landing butter-side-up is inversely proportional to the price of the carpet.
Cedar Park, Jun 29 2003
  

       Just be sure to scrape the unbuttered side before feeding to your loved ones. +
thumbwax, Jun 29 2003
  

       Has that certain Douglas Adams-esque practicality to it. +
RayfordSteele, Jun 29 2003
  

       If it ain’t buttered, it ain’t a problem. Just butter the part that enters your mouth, by wearing the ACME stiff, upper lip, butter brush. +
FarmerJohn, Jun 30 2003
  

       //spun up to speed in the toaster. //   

       There are a number of techincal hurdles to spinning toast. Firstly, you must find the weighted centre of rotational symetry to a low tolerance. That's no mean feat. Then you must take into account tangential drag effects <emphasis>at varying rotation speeds.</emphasis> Next you must provide an axle and means of propulsion.   

       Instead, I recommend baking the loaf in an asymetric shape. Basically this shape is like a banana with a groove scooped out on the top side (lying flat) with the groove nearer the inside curve. When you slice the bread into equal slices, each segment will be shaped like a half a sycamore seed pod with a heavy end and a shaped blade. When pressed in a special press-toaster you can create a shape that will spiral to the floor in a predictable manner under the forces of gravity and drag alone. As long as you butter the correct side, you will be alright.   

       //Modern wisdom has it that the chances of a buttered piece of toast landing butter-side-up is inversely proportional to the price of the carpet.//   

       Then perhaps get a carpet so diseased and soiled that they pay you to take it away. Butter this on both sides and you may achieve levitation.
FloridaManatee, Jun 30 2003
  

       add toast to Rods' database - it exists where else in the world? is it a brand name?
po, Jun 30 2003
  

       Toast comes in slices? I thought it came in glasses.
Tiger Lily, Jun 30 2003
  

       //Well DrCurry, I've probably dropped toast about 10 times in my life. I suspect that a similar count exists for the other 20 million adullts in the UK.So that's 200 million potentially wasted slices of toast per adult//
Per Adult?
I ain't no Fermat or Euler but this just doesn't add up!
silverstormer, Jun 30 2003
  

       you sure you are not Fermat?
po, Jun 30 2003
  

       Not in theory ;)
silverstormer, Jun 30 2003
  

       Prime. By the time I got to the end of the title, I had my croissant spinning and ready to hand over.
st3f, Jun 30 2003
  

       This would make creation and dipping of Egg Soldiers impossible!
egbert, Jun 30 2003
  

       So, assuming for the sake of argument you've had one slice of toast every day for 30 years, that means that approximately 0.01% have fallen to the floor. And, of course, only 50% of those, i.e., 0.005% of the total, fell buttered side down. Seems to me that's a level of wastage that doesn't even justify discussion, let alone invention.
DrCurry, Jun 30 2003
  

       I think I figured out what a "Tazo" is -- it's a spinning toy battle top, right? [link]. Sorry it took me so long, but I haven't been keeping up with advances in toast technology.
You don't need to spin until after the toasting process. Once you decide which side to butter, place the toast into a toast-holding gyroscopic fixture, apply butter and serve.
  

       //50% of those, i.e., 0.005% of the total, fell buttered side down//
Doc, it always falls butter side down. But it appears to be less often because I brush it off and lie about it.
Amos Kito, Jun 30 2003
  

       Hmm, if you bought the bread pre-spun, then you could hook them up to a dynamo, use the bread as a flywheel, and make toast off the grid!
rapid transit, Jun 30 2003
  

       Who has carpeting in their kitchen anyway?
snarfyguy, Jun 30 2003
  

       Who's talking about the kitchen?
egbert, Jun 30 2003
  

       As long as it works for french toast. (+)   
      
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