Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Bite me.

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IbeforeE wingding vowel

Good riddance to it!
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(+4, -2)
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In the similar sort of spirit that gave us that weird ae thing, I propose we create a new vowel to replace all ie and ei combinations with one letter. Somehow I think ☺ fits the bill. It's name should be long enough to be befuddlingly useless, perhaps the 'i before e except after c except ....' rule itself.
RayfordSteele, Jun 23 2009

Wikipedia: æ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%86
The ligature that achieved what all ligatures secretly dream of: becoming a grapheme! [jutta, Jun 23 2009]

//Whose pronunciation should be used?// Welsh-Embraish_20Translaeta_2c_20ken_3f
Please not Irvine Welsh! [theleopard, Jun 24 2009]

How many Diefenbakers? http://hiwaay.net/~.../duesouth/dief2.htm
[Ian Tindale, Jun 29 2009]

[link]






       As discussed in this evening's London SemiHBCon, this could cause extreme merriment, confusion and possibly carnage amongst our German cousins.
gnomethang, Jun 23 2009
  

       jousting with windmills.
WcW, Jun 24 2009
  

       I have had a hateful thought: use a tiny version of the Internet Explorer icon and get Microsoft to sponsor the English language,
nineteenthly, Jun 24 2009
  

       Hmmm - this is weird science
hippo, Jun 24 2009
  

       [nineteenthly]: please stop giving us nightmares.   

       We could all adopt the international standard phonetic alphabet? That at least is completely consistent. However, just like when adopting RayfordSteeles idea we'd need to replace all of our keyboards. And, of course, it won't help making the language itself more consistent.   

       Lojban anyone?
Forthur, Jun 24 2009
  

       [21] You left out A (like father), U (like put) and maybe some others. Ace and ice are dipthongs rather than pure vowels; if they are included you will also need OU (like mouth) etcetera. Would you really want 'prevent, prevenshun' (which some pronounce more like 'preventshun' anyway)?   

       I agree that there are many stupid uses and spellings in English (one of my pet hates is the use of 'flautist', which has less claim to correctness than 'flutist'). Spelling words based on how they sound may not be an ideal solution, though. Whose pronunciation should be used?
spidermother, Jun 24 2009
  

       Quite. Spelling words how they're pronounced is almost as stupid as pronouncing words how they're spelt (and, [21], you also missed the 's' sound from "pleasure" and "leisure").
hippo, Jun 24 2009
  

       //The 10 vowel sounds that can be used to create any sound in the English language are...// They can?   

       My arse they can.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jun 27 2009
  

       "Who would know aught of art must learn, act and then take his ease."
nineteenthly, Jun 28 2009
  

       Is it just me that thinks the title to this post sounds like something Clunk from the hit TV cartoon series of the 70's, Wacky Races, would say?
Dub, Jun 29 2009
  

       //Clunk from the hit TV cartoon series //
called: "Dastardly and Mutley in their Flying Machines", which was a spin-off from the Wacky Races.
  

       "Clunk, he'll invent me a thing-a-ma-bob, that'll catch that pigeon, or I'll lose my job. So!..."
Jinbish, Jun 29 2009
  

       Quite. It was Professor Pat Pending in Wacky Races.

As I was saying to my friend Heironymous Chalmondley Warner only the other day, I can't be doing with all this one symbol for each sound and spell things how they're pronounced malarkey.
DrBob, Jun 29 2009
  

       // Clunk, he'll invent me a thing-a-ma-bob, that'll catch that pigeon, or I'll lose my job // I've always found that most confusing, since his job seemed to be to catch the pigeon. So he was really working to make his own job obsolete, and he'd lose it either way. It's a lose-lose situation, isn't it? He didn't seem to have any other duties.
nineteenthly, Jun 29 2009
  

       I presume that if they ever did stop Yankee-doodle Pigeon that a replacement would be found. The battle would be over - but the war goes on!
Jinbish, Jun 29 2009
  

       In reality, there were about 27 of those pigeons - all the same colour and size. Sometimes they'd last many episodes, sometimes they wouldn't. And they all had different personalities and temperaments, too.
Ian Tindale, Jun 29 2009
  

       sp: w*rd sc*nce.   

       I can't spell worth a dam, for this I prefer to blame the French.
dentworth, Jun 29 2009
  

       //I have had a hateful thought: use a tiny version of the Internet Explorer icon and get Microsoft to sponsor the English language//   

       19thly, don't you mean "charge a licensing fee for" instead of "sponsor"?
Noexit, Jun 29 2009
  

       sp. Cholmondeley
pertinax, Jun 29 2009
  

       Good point, [Noexit]. Also, the English language would be vulnerable to words coming into it from other languages all the time and need constant security upgrades.
Hang on a minute...
Well, i'm reassured that Dick Dastardly's career is secure, anyway. I now have an image of a pigeon vending machine in my head. The pigeon contains a signalling device which triggers the release of another bird when it's destroyed.
nineteenthly, Jun 29 2009
  
      
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