Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Intelligently Damping Muscular Marshmallow

Intelligent Muscular Marshmallow for Mechanical Damping
 
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Having thought about it, many of life's woes are brought on by unnecessary and unwanted mechanical vibrations.

For example, traffic jams encountered on bus journeys are too often made unbearable by the grating rattling of the bus, which makes ones teeth chatter and bounces ones head from the steamy pane.

Also, how many household boilers wake up humans and dogs during the night - so that they think they have a burglar or an earthquake - and how many washing machines walk about kitchens without proper permission?

Intelligent Muscular Marshmallows for Mechanical Damping come in packs of eight. They are pink -OR- white. Each one is activated by the application of a drop of whisky. This behaviour is by design.

Essentially these items are described by the product name. Through a tight process of chemical, biological, mechanical and nutritional engineering, each marshmallow has the capability to seek out nasty vibrations and attach itself to the offending object using confectioner's custard secreted from a gland at its rear. The body mass will be extremely good at eating up vibrations, so the vibration will lessen immediately. This has something to do with resonance. Additional marshmallows may be required.

Perhaps it is that the term 'intelligent' is a tad misleading here. These items are not animals as such. They do contain essence of animal intelligence, perhaps extracted from the common slug, but their muscular activity is more a mechanical response than an act of will.

These marshmallow are not self-aware, and may be melted down and eaten when no longer of use.

eehen, Nov 27 2002

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       I would have thought that some form of shellfish would be better suited; possibly scallops.

You are deeply strange.
angel, Nov 27 2002
  

       this is going to give me nightmares!
po, Nov 27 2002
  

       Custard's better at damping than marshmallows, but I guess it would be hard to program. (Not that marshmallows would be easy.)
DrCurry, Nov 27 2002
  

       Trying to think of anything which vibrates annoyingly, from the bottom of which I would be willing to melt down and eat something...
lurch, Nov 27 2002
  

       Absolutely not, as I would be out of a job in very short order indeed. Unless I kill you and steal your idea, making myself into a deity god-like figure person in the automotive motoring world - muahahhaahhaaahaha.
egbert, Nov 27 2002
  

       Beautiful.
bristolz, Nov 27 2002
  

       very, very wierd. Do the marshmallows have legs? Do they roll to their target? Can they fly? Do they flock? (Are they related to road cones?)   

       // Trying to think of anything which vibrates annoyingly, from the bottom of which I would be willing to melt down and eat something... //   

       If not for the word "annoying"... *ahem* I didn't say that.
sadie, Dec 02 2002
  

       //Each one is activated by the application of a drop of whisky.// I've got a half a bag of marshmallows and a fifth of whisky - I'll test this.
thumbwax, Dec 02 2002
  

       Anyone heard from [thumbwax] this morning?
hippo, Dec 03 2002
  

       I've poured a total of one teaspoon of whisky over 24 marshmallows - *stirs* - these are some *now* tasty marshmallows & they've also improved the taste of this relatively inexpensive whisky immeasurably. The whisky is not for me - it is for another member of the household.
I prefer the nectar of the gawds - Scotch, which I purchase one, sometimes two fifths of during the course of a year - Regardless if I purchased one, or a thousand - it would be sacrilige to dilute the flavo(u)r of fog and peat with marshmallows. Perhaps one of our distinguished colleagues can do some experimentation using a combination of large marshmallows, pointy sticks, whisky and a campfire and report back to us on this important scientific experiment.
thumbwax, Dec 03 2002
  

       //Intelligent Muscular Marshmallow //

A bit like the 'Stay Pufft' Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters?
DrBob, Dec 03 2002
  

       Well, a big fat croissant from me. The use of confectionary custard is especially imaginative. Many people focus only on its dampening qualities which could have been a red herring here. For our american cousins perhaps some baby marshmallows to populate the crevices of air conditioning units, combined vibration consumption with sweet smells.
Ludwig, Dec 03 2002
  

       I am not so sure it is a WIBNI. It could be a variety of WIBNI that is so different from common or garden WIBNI that it transcends, and becomes a WIBSI perhaps (Wouldn't It Be Surreal If). I admit the door is wide open on the WIBSI...but they are not as boring as a WIBNI imho. A WIBNI gives you a well known problem and no more, a WIBSI gives you an unlikely and utterly impossible solution to a not very well known problem. Possibly when there isn't a problem at all.   

       It could easily get out of hand. Which is always interesting.
Ludwig, Dec 03 2002
  

       In principle I agree with ...no, let me rephrase that. I agree with the principle set forth by The Mighty Waug.   

       However, this idea is fun and relatively harmless. Maybe we can regard it as a satire on all those GM posts? It would be allowed then. Yeah, that's it. Satire.
egbert, Dec 03 2002
  

       I like it for curing the washing machine problem. I have a tiny kitchen and a slightly uneven load in the wash, will totally re-arrange the kitchen and may hold several animals captive for hours. I just think placing my machine on a wodge of marshmallow would suit me to a T.
po, Dec 03 2002
  

       [waugs] I think the difference is that many (most?) genetic engineering ideas are stupid and pathetic. This idea is unarguably WIBNI but it is also very funny and interestingly written. It's really not much different to 'circus cannon jousting' or 'flocking road cones'. Part of the whimsical side of the 'bakery.
madradish, Dec 28 2002
  

       //Have you all gone mad? //   

       Yeah. It happens now and then. Croissant.
Marassa, Dec 28 2002
  
      
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