The ultimate birthday surprise has to be hearing the doorbell "ding a ling" on that special morning.
First inspection reveals a large hardy wooden crate upon your doorstep.
With effort you can drag the crate. (Avoiding paintwork and mantels through the front door and into the living room.)
the crate's buckles, all four wooden sides of the crate fall to the floor with a dusty slam.
Through all the bubblewrap you find the contents and instruction manual which reads...
1: Clear a large empty square room of any obstacles and furniture and ensure that there is sufficient power supply points.
An elaborate Kung Fu outfit complete with 16 feet of red silky ribbon and a mask.
One large roll out wood stained vinyl carpet.
Four 16:9 Widescreen wall mountable plasma television screens.
One high definition multiplayer DVD system.
A home entertainment system complete with twin sub-speakers with integrated bass-pipes.
Four DVD movies consisting of: Crouching Tiger, Drunken Master 2, Enter The Dragon and Butterfly and The Sword.
Four Kung Fu colour coded pressure pad twister mats, complete with cables. (The mats which must be placed upon the vinyl carpet and placed opposite each plasma screen)
A pair of gloves to wear and fly paper to attach to the walls.
3: Connect the entertainment system and plasma screens to the Kung Fu mats.Press play and proceed to Kung Fu twist to the DVDs.
Practice your moves by coordinating each mat,by leaping from one dotted mat to the other.
As you leap and land in time to the different moves upon the screens within each corner of the room, the pressure pads will signal various "Thwacks" , "Swoosh" and "Yeeearrrgh" through the HIFI system.
I can't wait to use the gloves and flypaper to sweep the walls.