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Hate having your friends around for the 'footy, sucking up all your beer and refusing to pay a cent?
Well buy the all new never-to-be-patented Malevolent Sofa!
Constructed with a built-in fully adjustable electromagnet situated at just the right angle to suck almost anything containing metal from
any unsuspecting victims pocket, be it loose change or car keys - all to be collected at a later time
Battery so you can hide the power cord, and evil laugh triggered switch sold separately
Seemed relevant.
http://img.photobuc...lberal/lipcouch.jpg
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Apr 22 2009]
exploding couch
Exploding_20couch
it doesn't get much more malevolent than this [jaksplat, Apr 22 2009]
Sofa_20Crumb_20Tray
how to collect your sofa loot [xenzag, Apr 22 2009]
my couch sucks
Self_20cleaning_20couch
[jaksplat, Apr 22 2009]
Dali Version
http://en.wikipedia..._West_Lips_Sofa.JPG
Less pointillist and no dead horse. [bigsleep, Apr 22 2009]
My version!
http://www.youtube....watch?v=hIjoBwmpx_0
[21 Quest, Apr 23 2009]
[link]
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apostrophes: you're, victim's |
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I hope it has a convenient collection tray to allow you to sort through the things it has stolen at your leisure. |
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I think I already have one of these. |
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How about scheduled pneumatic prodding from underneath, to induce shifting of weight and further removals. |
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it needs peristalsis - oh, didn't we do that one? |
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Some are - in the UK some 2p and 1p pieces are made from an alloy which is mostly copper, but the more recent ones are steel (and can be attracted by magnets) with a coating of copper. The reason for the change was the rapidly rising price of copper. Try a selection of UK coins out with a magnet and you'll see. |
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2 Fries, Dali would be proud of that, methinks. Though his version would have genitals for spikes and a few dead horses draped over it. The legs would be crutches. |
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If I take their keys aren't they going to stay longer, ringing up the locksmith and such and tearing my home apart looking for them? I've also noticed that people who expect you to share your hard earned coin are very unwilling to part with their own and would spend the whole evening looking for their "luck quarter, I think it's in your couch some place and like hell am i leaving without it, got anything for me to eat while I look? " |
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They probably wouldn't notice their keys missing until they got to their car, by which time you could close the curtains, lock the door, disable the doorbell, and pretend you don't hear them knocking. Besides, a real mooch wouldn't have a car, he/she'd have bummed a ride from somebody else. |
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you're ok as long as none of your friends use pacemakers |
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I just knew somebody was going to mention pacemakers! Come on, pace-makers are like peanut allergies, and there are lots of successful peanut-based recipes out there. Magnets are perfectly safe. If you have a friend with a pacemaker, make up some other excuse for them to be cautious in your home. Maybe say you have an electromagnet in the cieling to reinforce the beams. If your pacemaker-equipped friend happens to be a mooch, then it makes a perfect excuse to keep them out of your home in the first place. |
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By the way, I suggest changing the title to The Sofa of Saint Nicholas (the Patron Saint of Thieves). Of course, then there would have to be some sort of punishment for retrieving anything from the collection tray, like an electric shock or ear-splitting alarm that activates upon opening the tray. |
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//apostrophes: you're, victim's// |
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Are those the corrected versions or the errors, zen_tom? |
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Because I think "you're" is wrong and "victim's" is right. |
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> Hate having your friends around... |
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Correct [in the idea]. "You're" is an abbreviation of "you are", so would be wrong. |
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> ...from any unsuspecting victims pocket,... |
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Incorrect [in the idea]. It is the pocket of the victim, it belongs to them, so it should have a possessive apostrophe. Right?....right? |
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...of course xxobot may have changed one of the two - perhaps by editing while you were writing your comment |
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Hi [Loris] the "you're" I was (still am) referring to is the (missing) one in the summary line below the title - currently: "A couch your MEANT to lose stuff into" - evidently grounds for an apostrophe kicking. |
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There's the whole so-far unmentioned thing about the stranded preposition in that phrase, that might be written: "A couch into which stuff is meant to be lost". |
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[xxobot] Tut-Tut! You'll have a tough time getting "metal" through the Patent Office |
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[normzone] Some newer British "Coppers" (1p/2p) are, in fact, steel and coloured copper just for effect and are magnetic - Most aren't, though.
{Real Copper's too valuable to waste on money} |
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Would this not destroy mobile phones, credit cards, watches and other similarly sensitive devices, like pacemakers? I suppose that's what makes it malevolent. I can't see it attracting anything of much use. Keys and coins are not generally ferromagnetic, leaving what for it to collect... the odd safety pin, nail or staple? |
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One could also keep a raccoon in a compartment under the sofa. They like to reach their paws up through narrow openings and grab shiny objects. |
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Amongst other things?! ouch |
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[21 Quest] yes, or a Magpie |
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Ah I see zen_tom, thanks for the explanation. |
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Somehow I often seem to overlook titles, I don't know why. |
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See Loris and zen if you use "yer" then nobody can
call you on it. 'postrophe or not. |
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