Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Mexican border hedge

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There are many plants that can produce hedges that are as impenetrable and unscalable as any wall. So.

Step 1. use suitable techniques (eg, cluster bombs) to till the land along the border, in a 50 yard strip. I expect [8th] will do this for free.

Step 2. use those fire-extinguishing aircraft to irrigate the tilled strip. Include seeds for berberis, pyrocantha and dog rose in the water. Maybe also a few Dendrocnide moroides seeds if you're really serious.

Step 3. water from time to time.

After a while, you would have an attractive yet effective border, plus flowers.

MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 17 2019

For extra security and edible fruit: https://en.wikipedi...endrocnide_moroides
[MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 17 2019]

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       Would there be a rockery with gnomes?
xenzag, Jan 17 2019
  

       I believe the gnome is the current cause of the problem.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 17 2019
  

       I would think Gorse would be more effective than your two primary choices.   

       The Dendrocnide moroides sounds good but it's a rain-forest plant & much of the proposed area to be planted is I believe desert, so maybe not a practical suggestion that one.
Skewed, Jan 17 2019
  

       So, some sort of sprinkler system, perhaps?
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 17 2019
  

       Paid for by a hedge fund of course.
xenzag, Jan 17 2019
  

       Now, if you'd said that first, it'd've been funnier.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 17 2019
  

       What about Poison Ivy ?   

       // I expect [8th] will do this for free. //   

       We will do it for reasonable out-of pocket expenses. You seem to expect us to do a lot of stuff for you, and your rotten family, for free <Extended bitter mumbling/>   

       // use those fire-extinguishing aircraft //   

       We have the sort used for dispensing Agent Orange, will that do ?   

       // the gnome is the current cause of the problem //   

       President Andrés Manuel López Obrador is 1.75m tall, not a giant, but hardly a gnome either. Also, there are no extant pictures of him wearing a pointy red hat with a bell at the tip.
8th of 7, Jan 18 2019
  

       //for free // Yes, but paying for things is so vulgar, don't you find? I've heard there are people who will stoop so low as to use money to get into Lord's or Wimbledon, and even aeroplanes.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 18 2019
  

       // use money to get into Lord's or Wimbledon //   

       So, blackmailing the committee with faked photographs, and then demanding free tickets "or the pics go to The Sun On Sunday" isn't "vulgar" ? Duly noted ...   

       // aeroplanes //   

       We would like at this juncture to re-emphasise certain important points.   

       1. Plonking yourself in "the nice seats at the front, with the best view" is reserved for those who actually know how to work the bloody thing. It is not possible to fly an aircraft from the seat just forward of the luggage compartment. You can only sit at the front if you can produce convincing evidence of ability, which does not include any of a Ladybird book called "How It Works: The Aeroplane", a peaked cap with a Poundland tag still trailing from the rear, or a cardboard "badge" with "PLIeT" written on the front in green crayon and "Kelloggs Cornflakes" on the back.   

       2. "NO SMOKING" actually does mean "DO NOT LIGHT ANY CIGGIES, CIGARS, PIPES OR SPLIFFS" as the aircraft is rather old, slightly leaky, and runs on extremely volatile petroleum products. While the sign is in its way a health warning, it does not relate so much to long-term respiratory or circulatory disorders as to the imminence of being incinerated in a huge ball of white flame.   

       3. The radios are only for navigational and communications purposes. They can not receive the latest cricket scores, no matter how many times you ask. No, we cannot ask the man at ATC for you.   

       4. No, you can't. No, there isn't one. No, you should have gone before we took off. No, we're not going to be landing for a while. No, that window doesn't open, and anyway the slipstream would ... NO, NOT IN THERE ...
8th of 7, Jan 18 2019
  

       //the nice seats at the front, with the best view// the nicest seats are the ones where someone comes round with champagne every few minutes and food when requested. I've also noticed that not even the plane drivers have fold-flat beds in the front. This is why they are paid to do it, rather than vice versa.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 18 2019
  

       // not even the plane drivers have fold-flat beds in the front. //   

       There are clearly some technical details of long haul flying that you are not conversant with.   

       // This is why they are paid to do it, rather than vice versa. //   

       That is partly correct. They are mostly paid because they allegedly know what to do when things go wrong, which is the main reason for them being there.   

       It is not beyond the bounds of possibility that a group of people could hire a coach, choose one from among their number as driver on the basis of experience and clear driving record, and set off for a destination with reasonable expectations of arriving safely. Buses are really not that difficult to drive.   

       Aviation is, however, a little more challenging. Ironically, in case of an emergency in a modern civil airliner, the optimum backup pilot is not anyone with extensive experience in light aircraft, but the twelve-year-old video game fanatic who's had his head down playing on his DS since before pushback ...
8th of 7, Jan 18 2019
  

       //optimum backup pilot is not anyone with extensive experience in light aircraft, but the twelve-year-old video game fanatic//   

       Yes, I've heard about your airmanship.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 18 2019
  

       Watering it would cost too much. You need to select plants that do well in the desert.
Voice, Jan 18 2019
  

       [Voice], that was a very practical suggestion. Stop it.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 18 2019
  

       Can we not do a little gene splicing with something with explosive seed dispersal (just kinetic, not chemical, unfortunately) like Himalayan balsam ("Policeman's Helmet", lovely pink flowers, so looks pretty too) to concentrate some sort of impact activated explosive compound in it's seeds?
Skewed, Jan 19 2019
  

       // Watering it would cost too much. You need to select plants that do well in the desert. //   

       Watering may be expensive, but trying to stop an invasive species from spreading away from the wall could cost even more. Install an irrigation system and use plants that depend on the irrigation to survive. Then you'll have a nice lush hedge that doesn't go wild and need extensive pruning.
scad mientist, Jan 19 2019
  

       // Watering it would cost too much. You need to select plants that do well in the desert. //   

       Agreed, if hedge were to be situated about the Northiness of Seattle it'd be no problem.
not_morrison_rm, Jan 19 2019
  

       There'll be personnel guarding the wall, all of whom will need to answer the call of nature. Whizzing against the wall: immediate relief, moisture, fertilizer, all in one go.
Sgt Teacup, Jan 19 2019
  

       // I've heard about your airmanship. //   

       And we've heard about your groundsmanship ...   

       <Wanders away humming "Happy moles are here again" />
8th of 7, Jan 19 2019
  

       I'm happy to report that the Buchanan lawns are currently mole-free. Some idiot cartwheeled a Cessna on the north- east croquet lawn and, by the time we'd finished clearing up the fuel, the moles had decided it was no longer safe here.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 19 2019
  

       Yes, well, we told him. It's not like Flight Simulator, we told him. You need to have proper lessons from a qualified instructor, we told him. Did he listen ? No.   

       He's your brother, we can't be blamed. We only sold him the aircraft, filled it with fuel, and pointed it upwind for him. We even wrote brief instructions on a post-it note and stuck it on the houses lever for him, like in Independence Day. ("Pull lever, houses get smaller - push lever, houses get bigger"). "But I've watched Top Gun several times" doesn't confer any sort of flight qualifications. Besides's he's watched Star Wars - A New Hope too, and he's much more of a Jek Porkins than a Luke Skywalker.   

       It's just the base-jumping, and the top-fuel hydroplane racing, and the cave-diving all over again ... any normal person might have learned something by now, like "Do not walk up to a sleeping hippo and poke it with a stick, so that you can get better photographs before you shoot it."
8th of 7, Jan 19 2019
  

       You may have a point. On the other hand, he is still not convinced that it's easier to learn to fly on a plane with only one wing, before progressing to "twins". He also says you need to be more consistent in your spelling of "lever".
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 19 2019
  

       Jobs! Mexicans will get paid for preparing the soil, planting, then landscaping (and fertilizing) the Wall, so they will not need to cross the border for US jobs. Americans will get paid for preparing the soil, planting, then landscaping (and fertilizing) the Wall, thus working off their angst/anger/excess cheeseburgers.   

       After a suitable period of time, once the Wall has done its magic, there will be no more need of the Wall, and it can be ripped up for compost. More jobs!   

       Once again, the 1/2B has created a practical idea; I'm really concerned about the fabric of reality.
Sgt Teacup, Jan 19 2019
  

       //I'm really concerned about the fabric of reality//   

       I think we covered that recently, it's made of cheese.
Skewed, Jan 19 2019
  

       No need to worry, [Sgt], it's been conclusively established some time ago that all this is happening inside [Ian Tindale]'s head. You're simply the product of a deranged imagination.
8th of 7, Jan 19 2019
  

       Is that Camel still in here (or was that someone else's deranged imagination)?
Skewed, Jan 19 2019
  

       If it's filtered, it's mine.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 19 2019
  

       //We have the sort used for dispensing Agent Orange, will that do ?//   

       Dispensing *with*, I presume you mean? Do you find that straddling the Gatlin gun the A-10 is built around uncomfortable or no? And why haven't you dispensed with him yet per our contract? Is the shutdown preventing takeoff?
RayfordSteele, Jan 21 2019
  

       Mexico has several borders. Which one is this for? (Not that it matters really but just asking).
DrBob, Jan 24 2019
  

       Well, given that Mexico's official name is the United Mexican States, I meant the border between the United States and the United States.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 24 2019
  

       No wonder President Obrador is confused as to why he has to pay for it; it's clearly his wall.
8th of 7, Jan 24 2019
  
      
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