During the ads and trailers patrons can only get to their tuffets by being carried aloft by a very large mechanical spider which operates, gantry-like, from the ceiling. The method of carriage could be by magnetic force upon a specially supplied steel helmet (Doiiiinnngg!) or by a suspended comfy chair for any frail patrons.

Once the movie starts, that's it... the spider takes up a mid-ceiling guard position. The first mobile phone ring causes it to drop on the culprit, whisk them back up to the ceiling, wrap them in an itchy string food cocoon and deposit them at the base of the screen...where their pathetic wriggling and muffled cries for help serve as a warning to any other rude bastards...