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Nasal Napalm

Nose hair removal for the squeamish
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Do you have excessive nose hair?
Does the mere sight of tweezers make your eyes water?
Concerned about the permanency of electrolysis?
Can't be bothered trimming?

Our organisation is looking for volunteers to trial our latest product in hair removal. The team will have your nostrils clear of foliage in no time, following our step by step process...

We block the nasal passage using our lightweight, thin-handled, flame-resistant plugs. This is done at a suitable depth to allow access to the nasal hair, while sealing the respiratory tract. Our low-octane Nasal Napalm spray is then applied to the interior of the nose. A gentle flame is applied and the process begins.

Shortly after the process ends with a quick pinch of the nostrils, putting the flame out before the searing of any delicate nasal surfaces. The singed foliage comes out easily with the removal of the plug.

If this process concerns you, then just imagine if this occurred under uncontrolled conditions. Nasal Napalm decreases the risk of nasal wildfire... it is backburning, for your nose!

Apologies to those without excessive nose hair.

Lacus Trasumenus, Jun 20 2004

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       and electrolysis *concerns* you?
po, Jun 20 2004
  

       // and electrolysis *concerns* you? //   

       Heh... a little bit, no more than the tweezers though. I might need that nose hair for something in the future, you never know.
Lacus Trasumenus, Jun 20 2004
  

       "Is that napalm dripping out of your nose?"
"No, it's not."
FarmerJohn, Jun 20 2004
  

       I love to pull those hairs. Makes me sneeze and helps to clear my sinuses. Its the people around me who are squeamish and and interfere with my pleasure. Can you offer any Napalm device I could use on them?
kbecker, Jun 20 2004
  

       Do you smell something burning?
waugsqueke, Jun 20 2004
  

       I don't think that pinching the nostrils will extinguish the flames – napalm, I thought, was known for burning without exposure to atmospheric oxygen (eg. burning underwater).
Detly, Jun 21 2004
  

       Perhaps I should clarify that "Nasal Napalm" would not be *actual* napalm. I was thinking maybe paraffin oil in a spray. Something that doesn't burn at too high a temperature.
Lacus Trasumenus, Jun 21 2004
  

       Line from the ad:   

       "I love the smell of Nasal Napalm in the morning. The smell, you know that burning hair smell. Smells like victory."
oxen crossing, Jun 21 2004
  

       "At least it *did* until they lit the match."   

       Come to think of it, this may not be very safe.
Lacus Trasumenus, Jun 23 2004
  

       //Napalm is jellied petroleum.//   

       Isn't vaseline petroleum jelly? I knew anal sex had its risks but Jesus!!
etherman, Nov 19 2004
  

       //Napalm is jellied petroleum.//   

       Isn't vaseline petroleum jelly? I knew anal sex had its risks but Jesus!!
etherman, Nov 19 2004
  

       Napalm can be made at home. Not really for fun OR profit, because making it's a felony, but you could do it.   

       As for petroleum jelly, it's got a similar name, but is actually created by a much different process.
shapu, Nov 19 2004
  

       "One can make all kinds of explosives, using simple household items, if one were so inclined"
calum, Nov 19 2004
  
      
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