Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Pasta Pruner

Severs fringe foods with ease and discretion
 
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- Hi, this is Patricia of Pabulum Paring Corporation, the proud producers of the pasta pruner. How may I help you?
- Yeah hi. I uh had read your ad about the pasta pruner utensil and had some questions.
- Sure, we’ve got the fork-pruner unit @ 8.95 each and the clamp-on pruner @ 4.99, both in stainless steel.
- OK, in the picture it looks like a blade that turns on an axle to slice off any spaghetti hanging from my mouth, with the flick of my finger.
- Yes, there’s a thimble-like handle to insert your index finger, and as you extend the digit, the blade on the outside edge of the fork slides under the fork like scissors, to cut off excess spaghetti, noodles or pizza cheese. Your days of embarrassed sucking and biting off dangling cuisine will soon be over.
- Uh huh, I was interested in the clamp-on type. Do they work for both left or right handed, and are they safe?
- Yes, the flexible pasta pruner can fit on either side of the fork. Be sure to trace the curved profile of one of your forks, onto the order form. And it’s completely safe, like child’s scissors, though we advise against use by the bearded and collagen-lipped. The blade stays well out of the way during pasta twirling and oral input.
- Well, I’m certainly impressed. I’ll send in an order for twenty pruners right away to also receive the free, extra, bonus, boob tube bra and Klein bottle corks.
FarmerJohn, Aug 03 2003

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       DeathNinja confused. But I give +1 anyway because it has spinning blades.
DeathNinja, Aug 03 2003
  

       Aren't these baked? Anyway, what [DeathNinja] said.
phoenix, Aug 03 2003
  

       I have always wanted one of these being a twirler myself.
sartep, Aug 03 2003
  

       //we advise against use by the bearded//

...and you were so close to getting my croissant too. Shame!
DrBob, Aug 04 2003
  

       Hey! Don't knock it 'til you've tried it.
DrBob, Aug 06 2003
  
      
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