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Today my dogs wouldn't stop barking, and for some reason I decided it wouldn't be nearly as annoying if there was a small device on their collars that generated a random phrase after each couple of barks.
example 1: Dog: Arf! Arf!
Voice, Stephen Hawking style: Hello, I am capable of mass murder.
Beware.
example 2: Dog: Arr rarr Ruff
Voice, Stephen Hawking style: Boy, these hemorrhoids are really getting to me
It would be especially great if every 5th phrase was in spanish or russian or something like that.
Pet Translator
http://www.halfbake...ea/Pet_20Translator
Wouldn't It Be Nice If the translator really knew what they were saying? [Monkfish, Jun 21 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]
A surreal version of this.
http://www.halfbake.../idea/Talking_20Dog
[waugsqueke]'s annotations on this have me in stitches. [angel, Jun 21 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]
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Annotation:
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Great. Just great--can we order different voices, like James Earl Jones, Terry Gross, etc? |
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Why, of course! Hurry up and get the limited edition Barry White, Fran Drescher, Ben Stein, and David Duchovny models while supplies last! Hell, I'm sure Trekkies would buy these so their dog would be able to say things like "resistance is futile" or any of the other things they say on that show (sorry, I don't watch it) |
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Dog: Arf! Arf! Arf!
Voice, Stephen Hawking style: Bark! Bark! Bark! |
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Cool idea, but wouldn't it just say: Feed me. Feed me. Feed me. Walk me. Feed me. Walk me. Feed me. |
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No, [Guy Fox], the phrases are randomly generated, and actually have no relevance whatsoever to what the dog (presumably) is actually trying to tell you. I think. |
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I saw a stand-up routine about this: he speculated that real translation would be rather uninteresting: "Hey! Hey! Hey! ... Hey. .... Hey? ... HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY!" |
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The corallory is Gary Larson's take on dog understanding of human speech: "Okay, Rover! Roll over! Speak! Rover, get out of the gardenias! Bad dog Rover!" --> "Blah, Rover! Blah blah! Blah! Rover, blah blah blah blah blah! Blah blah Rover! |
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Male dog walks past... "Hey butthead! Yeah you, you big butthead! You crap on that patch of grass in front of my fence and I'm gonna spifflicate ya! Just keep movin' pal, nothing for you here, and don't piss on the mailbox either." |
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Female dog walks past... "Hey baby, come on over here! I got a bone I'd like to share with you. Hey, where ya goin'? You wanna see my etchings? They're hanging in my kennel. Come on, spare me a few seconds of your time. Ah, to hell with you! Stuck-up bitch!" |
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tickleme- That stand up routine was also a Gary Larson comic, with a scientist. |
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"Yo quiero morir Dinky."
Beavis and Butthead |
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you can buy one of these translation collars. they are for cats also. |
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here is the website: bowlingual-dog-translator |
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