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Random Phrase Barking Translation

Translate dog barks for fun and profit!
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Today my dogs wouldn't stop barking, and for some reason I decided it wouldn't be nearly as annoying if there was a small device on their collars that generated a random phrase after each couple of barks.
example 1: Dog: Arf! Arf!
Voice, Stephen Hawking style: Hello, I am capable of mass murder. Beware.
example 2: Dog: Arr rarr Ruff
Voice, Stephen Hawking style: Boy, these hemorrhoids are really getting to me
It would be especially great if every 5th phrase was in spanish or russian or something like that.
AfroAssault, Jun 22 2001

Pet Translator http://www.halfbake...ea/Pet_20Translator
Wouldn't It Be Nice If the translator really knew what they were saying? [Monkfish, Jun 22 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]

A surreal version of this. http://www.halfbake.../idea/Talking_20Dog
[waugsqueke]'s annotations on this have me in stitches. [angel, Jun 22 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]

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       Great. Just great--can we order different voices, like James Earl Jones, Terry Gross, etc?
Dog Ed, Jun 22 2001
  

       Why, of course! Hurry up and get the limited edition Barry White, Fran Drescher, Ben Stein, and David Duchovny models while supplies last! Hell, I'm sure Trekkies would buy these so their dog would be able to say things like "resistance is futile" or any of the other things they say on that show (sorry, I don't watch it)
AfroAssault, Jun 22 2001
  

       Dog: Arf! Arf! Arf!
Voice, Stephen Hawking style: Bark! Bark! Bark!
beauxeault, Jun 22 2001
  

       Cool idea, but wouldn't it just say: Feed me. Feed me. Feed me. Walk me. Feed me. Walk me. Feed me.
Guy Fox, Jun 22 2001
  

       No, [Guy Fox], the phrases are randomly generated, and actually have no relevance whatsoever to what the dog (presumably) is actually trying to tell you. I think.
Rodomontade, Jun 22 2001
  

       I saw a stand-up routine about this: he speculated that real translation would be rather uninteresting: "Hey! Hey! Hey! ... Hey. .... Hey? ... HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY!"   

       The corallory is Gary Larson's take on dog understanding of human speech: "Okay, Rover! Roll over! Speak! Rover, get out of the gardenias! Bad dog Rover!" --> "Blah, Rover! Blah blah! Blah! Rover, blah blah blah blah blah! Blah blah Rover!
TickleMeElmo, Jun 24 2001
  

       tickleme- That stand up routine was also a Gary Larson comic, with a scientist.
AfroAssault, Jun 27 2001
  

       "Yo quiero morir Dinky."
Beavis and Butthead
nick_n_uit, Jun 27 2001
  

       you can buy one of these translation collars. they are for cats also.
cornpad, Jan 07 2008
  

       here is the website: bowlingual-dog-translator
cornpad, Jan 07 2008
  
      
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