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Retractable Loo Paper Holder

Keeps cats and kids from mussing the roll (no batteries required)
  (+7)
(+7)
  [vote for,
against]

In my home exist two forces that seem to haunt me with their never ending torment of dispensing the loo roll onto the floor. These are namely 1) the cats and 2) the children. I know the idea has been suggested to have an auto-rewinder (see link). However, this is enough of a mechanical variation that I believe it warrants its own entry.

One of the other things that my kids and cats have in common is enjoyment of those pull-back wind-up toy cars. The kids will pull them back until they click well past the spring's limit. When we gently and repeatedly remind them that the car will break if they do that too much, they release the car (with a little push mind you, as if they don't realize after myriads of runs that the car is self-powered). The cats run after in a frenzy as if a mouse or moth suddenly came into the house through a magic porthole.

I propose that the spindle holding the loo paper be large enough to friction fit the cardboard tube. The spindle also employs a wind-up spring that will allow about a half-meter of bumwipe to be dispensed before the tension is too great for the perforation. When the kids/cats go to play with the roll, they'll only get up to a half-meter hanging off before the spring action takes the roll back in a satisfying fwip-fwip-fwip sound. Sure the kids/cats will still play with it but you won't have so much waste to a big floor pile-up. Every time you use the roll you'll get the same fun sound as the spring resets itself.

Could easily be reversible for the 'other' crowd. Though problems with kids/cats is greatly reduced in that case.

bdag, Oct 13 2009

Po's creation loo-roll_20re-winder
See how mine is different? [bdag, Oct 13 2009]

The Great Debate http://www.foundbyp...2/great-debate.html
Makes the election look irrelevant [pocmloc, Oct 13 2009]

Combine with this for an elegant solution to both problems. Flipping_20Loo_20Roll_20Holder
Actually, for "elegant" read "clunky and mechanically over-complex" [egbert, Oct 14 2009]

[link]






       There is a fundamental problem with this idea and also with po's, and that is that society as a whole has yet to get to the bottom of this vital question: should the loo roll come off the front or the back of the roll? I have it on good authority that even that bastion of breeding, Debrett's //A-Z of Modern Manners// remains tight lipped on this subject. These problems are serious, and would rear their troublesome heads sooner or later.
pocmloc, Oct 13 2009
  

       Quite right my dear [pocmloc]. You'll notice that I addressed this concern in the last sentence of my dissertation.
bdag, Oct 13 2009
  

       Yes but you're prevaricating by not declaring which way is which. And if you do, then the "other" people will be mortally offended. Also, how will it be reversed? A switch? Scope for hilarious games and tricks.
pocmloc, Oct 13 2009
  

       //society as a whole has yet to get to the bottom of this vital question//   

       Society as a whole can get stuffed. Front.
wagster, Oct 13 2009
  

       Who cares which way is which? Either side would declare t'other as 'other'. You would reverse it much like you reverse the roll now, except you would reverse the spindle as well. The holder would include the catch on either side for ambidextrousity. Thus the spring would work fore and aft.   

       Now if the spindle were to be proper and the roll the other way 'bout, you could effectively disengage the mechanism. This would allow you to fix it so that your mum-in-law's cat is once again suddenly able to disengage the entire roll onto the heating register.
bdag, Oct 13 2009
  

       FRONT!. This has been dealt with previously. I do not wish to scrabble about on some Godawful artexed wall to find a piece of scheisenpaper.
gnomethang, Oct 14 2009
  

       Meanwhile, back at the idea....   

       This is a brilliant solution to a trivial problem, so [+].   

       Another advantage: a recent study* found that over 40% of the money which evaporated in the Icelanding banking crisis had been invested, quo indequam inter alia, in companies who manufacture toilet paper dispensers and matching toilet paper intended to prevent that scourge of post-modern society: the theft of toilet paper from public and workplace conveniences.   

       The invention proposed here could solve this problem at a stroke, and would therefore have prevented the Icelandic banking collapse and hence (inter protamque nuscio) the global financial meltdown.   

       So the [+] is doubly merited.   

       [*there is no footnote for this particular asterisk.]
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 14 2009
  

       //a recent study*// hmmmm, must remember that.
po, Oct 15 2009
  

       This design is innovative and sounds fun; yet it is massively over-engineered considering the problem could be solved by moving the existing roll holder higher, out of the reach of both cat and child. [+] anyway!
vincevincevince, Oct 15 2009
  

       I've a window over my paper. I'd hate to have to stand and reach in order to sanitize my bum. One could always keep the loo door closed at that.
bdag, Oct 15 2009
  

       That would certainly protect it from cats and children, and also would allow it to be seen. Does the window hinge or slide open to allow access?
pocmloc, Oct 15 2009
  

       Double hung window. Slides up and down. Wood about, glass in the middle. Cold air beyond.
bdag, Oct 16 2009
  

       Logically, it'd be better if the loo roll was mounted at the rear top edge of the toilet bowl itself. Then simply reach under yourself and pull towards the front.
Ian Tindale, Oct 16 2009
  

       That's a good point Ian, Has anybody invented that yet? It would seem to take some serious changes to the structure of the toilet, but I have always enjoyed the beauty of non-symmetrical objects. Except when I'm drunk. The idea I am commenting on, however, seems a good one, and an excellent way to keep oneself entertained while waiting for inspiration to strike.
Sparkyplugclean, Oct 16 2009
  

       A more amusing variant would be to have a loo roll holder in the guest bathroom which was equipped with an infrared proximity sensor - whenever a hand is extended to grasp the paper, it promptly rewinds into the holder. Once the hand is removed, the paper re-emerges.....
8th of 7, Oct 18 2009
  

       [collective] post that idea, and it shall receive a bun from me.
kaz, Oct 18 2009
  

       [UnaBubba] //why would you want a retractable loo?// To hold your paper of course! Sheesh, didn't you read the entire title?
bdag, Oct 19 2009
  

       No, he didn't. He has to point out the words with his index finger and he's scared to take it out of his earhole for too long in case his brain falls out.....   

       (Bunker indeed, mutter mutter grumble)
8th of 7, Oct 19 2009
  
      
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