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Safety Cheese

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Designed for use in low-level installations, child facilities, workplaces and hospitals, Safety Cheese is produced using a thermal process to ensure that, should it break, it will shatter into small cubes incapable of causing serious injury.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 13 2019

Google search of "safety cheese" https://www.mtu.edu...ese-and-safety.html
Scroll down a click. [doctorremulac3, Jan 13 2019]


       // small cubes //   

       What if they were accidentally inhaled ? Someone might choke on them ! Oh, the humanity !
8th of 7, Jan 13 2019

       //low level installations//?
xenzag, Jan 13 2019

       Such cheese should be tempered, or annealed. This will reduce stress fractures. Perhaps holding it up to polarised light will reveal previously unheard of stresses in the cheese, which tempering would remove. Tempering is all about the correct thermal ramp schedule.
Ian Tindale, Jan 13 2019

       If you can get that process right, it would become possible to replace the fixed glass in vehicles with cheese - a huge improvement in safety.
8th of 7, Jan 13 2019

       //Such cheese should be tempered, or annealed.//
//Safety Cheese is produced using a thermal process //
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 13 2019

       //replace the fixed glass in vehicles with cheese// I think we could do that. Should be a bries.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 13 2019

       Bring out the cheese board of puns.
xenzag, Jan 13 2019

       I was being a bit more specific about the choice of thermal process. Bunging cheese into the freezer is a thermal process, but won’t get you the result.
Ian Tindale, Jan 13 2019

       But, equally, annealing cheese is unlikely to be effective. Our process (and I now have to shoot you) involves heating the cheese to just above its yield point, then chilling the exterior rapidly using jets of compressed argon.   

       There are other steps involved, of course, but for those I'd have to shoot you before I tell you.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 13 2019

       // I now have to shoot you //   

       <Frantic arm-waving>   

       Ooooh ! Oooooh ! Can we do that ? Please ? Please, can we shoot [IT] ? Pleeeseee ... ppllleeeeeesess .. pretty please with knobs on ... please let us shoot him ...   

       </Frantic arm-waving>
8th of 7, Jan 13 2019

       If you dehydrate cheese it gets harder and more brittle. There's a lump of cheddar at the back of the fridge that's currently trialing the process.   

       I'd use milk from A2 cows to ensure that safety cheese equipment doesn't need replacing at a later date due to its carcinogenic properties.
bigsleep, Jan 13 2019

       Just as long as Safety Cheese contains less than the permitted amounts of asbestos, benzene, mercury, TCDD, nicotine, lead, cadmium, tetrodotoxin, curare*, plutonium, DDT, Charles de Gaulle** or Sarin.   

       *Entirely innocuous if swallowed, apparently. That would have been an interesting day at the lab ... "Look, the mouse is fine, see ? All you have to do is take this teaspoonful of stuff ..."   

       **Lethally toxic even at doses too low for reliable detection.
8th of 7, Jan 13 2019

       Mercury's OK to swallow, too.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 13 2019

       If you fold an A2 cow in half you get an A3 cow, which if you fold that in half gives you an A4 cow (210mm x 297mm). That fits into a normal office printer, as they all take A4, and allows you to print each cow using a boilerplate template.
Ian Tindale, Jan 13 2019

       I was thinking that it’d be odd if the patent process naturally included “but now I’ll have to shoot you” clauses and phases, but on second thoughts, perhaps it does and it has simply been reworded for acceptability so that nobody knew the origins.
Ian Tindale, Jan 13 2019

       // allows you to print each cow //   

       Yes, but not all printers support double-sided printing; you might accidentally put the cow back in the printer the wrong way round, and end up with upside-down printing on one side.
8th of 7, Jan 13 2019

       That’s okay, cows are only viewed from one side.
Ian Tindale, Jan 13 2019

       Hope you get more success than my magnetic cheese attempt.
not_morrison_rm, Jan 13 2019

       I think that's inevitable.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 13 2019

       I replaced my mobile phone screen and car mirrors with new "Chinchilla Cheese TM" and haven't looked back since.
bigsleep, Jan 14 2019

       Do you feel safer, now ?
8th of 7, Jan 14 2019

       Well the yellow-orange hue in peripheral vision is a good reminder to drive with more caution.
bigsleep, Jan 16 2019

       //Designed for use in low-level installations// - not quite sure what this is, but I'd guess that a "low-level installation" is something near floor-level. I'm not certain why working at floor level with standard cheese presents a significant danger for a professional cheese-handler.
hippo, Jan 16 2019

       Clearly, you're not a mouse.
pertinax, Jan 16 2019

       Low-level installations typically require material that will not be dangerous if accidentally kicked or fallen against.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 16 2019

       //not be dangerous if accidentally kicked or fallen against// - surely a soft cheese would be more appropriate here, such as a brie, or a mild, fresh goats' cheese?
hippo, Jan 16 2019

       Entanglement issues. If you've ever had to rescue a small dog from a Camembert, you'll know.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 16 2019

       //rescue a small dog from a Camembert// - that sounds like a terrible feta
hippo, Jan 16 2019

       Experience shows that it is a practical impossibility to rescue a small Camembert from a dog (of any size).   

       // not be dangerous if accidentally kicked or fallen against. //   

       Like drunk* Glaswegians ?   

       *Non-drunk, non-confrontational unaggressive Glaswegians are presumably possible, but have never been recorded in the wild, and certainly not in captivity.
8th of 7, Jan 16 2019

       You'll never take us alive!
calum, Jan 16 2019

       We sincerely hope not. Dead, drunk Glaswegians (as opposed to dead-drunk Glaswegians) are marginally safer to deal with.
8th of 7, Jan 16 2019

       Sp. Un-aggressive
pertinax, Jan 16 2019

       Bah. Sp. fixed.
8th of 7, Jan 17 2019


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