Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Shearware

Dining shears for cutting, grasping, scooping, stabbing and mashing
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After consuming your first meal with shearware, you'll never go back to a knife and fork. Somewhat similar to a pair of anvil pruning shears, this multi-utensil has one flat blade (anvil) and a second, straight-edged sharp blade that closes against the anvil, making cutting a two-inch steak shear delight.

The horizontal, flat blade is also ideal for scooping and mashing. The blades end in tapered jaws like long nose pliers, allowing you to grasp morsels and stab chunks. The ergonomic, comfort grip handles ensure control, power and ease of use, and the blades can quickly be removed for cleaning and reinserted for right or left handed action.

Raise your glass or gesticulate with your free hand as you effortlessly manipulate your shearware through red beef, peas, potatoes and salad. Choose from models in stainless steel, steel-edged silver and titanium with Teflon coated blades.

FarmerJohn, Oct 31 2002

Shearware sketch http://www.geocitie...nnie/shearware.html
[FarmerJohn, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

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       Okay, so this isn't something you "wear" to dinner..? <giggles>
FarmerJohn, I'm lost for the words describing the feeling I get when I browse your ideas. What ever it is it's happy though. Absolutely. It just takes me awhile to put the visuals together. The only drawback with the dining anvils so far is that I think it would be hard to keep peas from rolling off the flat blade. Especially during jovial conversations. Not a big problem though. I'll just make them stick with a scoop of mashed potatoes... A dinner roll then for you.
hollajam, Oct 31 2002
  

       hollajam: Thanks. The peas could also rest against the vertical blade or you could grab them two or three at a time with the jaws.   

       UnaBubba: It should cost somewhere between a titanium golf club and a teflon coated skillet: 125 Australian dollars.
FarmerJohn, Oct 31 2002
  

       I agree with hj, Farmerjohn your ideas have a kind of cozy, alternative-universe-at-home glow about them which I always find appealing. Lovely warm croissant for you.   

       As for the peas problem, if I'm visualising correctly then closing the blades together and tilting slightly will form a small scoop. Maybe a delicate curve to the cutting blade would help prevent the peas rolling up your sleeve, but that would then compromise the ambidexterity of the shearware. Now watching someone trying to spoon gravy over their shearful of mash, that would be entertaining!
egbert, Oct 31 2002
  

       Oh egbert, your description is perfect! Croissant for you too.
hollajam, Oct 31 2002
  

       <aside>"I have a pea problem"
"Have you seen a urologist?"
"No, just spots"
egbert, Oct 31 2002
  

       waugsqueke: Maybe I can describe it this way: You make the scissors movement with your index and middle fingers. The index finger is like the vertical blade that cuts against the back of the horizontal blade (middle finger) that extends towards you one inch for scooping and mashing. You can grasp food like picking up an eraser between the two fingers' inside tips, and stab bits as if you had pointy fingernails. Illustrations are high on my to do list.
FarmerJohn, Oct 31 2002
  

       hmm...edward shearhands
phatflaresblack, Oct 31 2002
  

       just a little concerned these may take the tip of my tongue off.
po, Nov 03 2002
  

       Love the point of view you chose for the sketch.
krelnik, Nov 03 2002
  

       [farmer] seems to have the most marvellous dental arrangements.
top row: 1 molar, 1 canine, 5 incisers, 1 molar
bottom row:2 molars, 1 canine, 6 incisers, 2 molars
all the better to eat your croissant with.
po, Nov 03 2002
  

       Like bristolz, the Farmer is an artiste extraordinaire. There is one other 'baker whose name I shall not divulge who has quite the hidden talent as well.
thumbwax, Nov 03 2002
  

       up your one to two.
po, Nov 03 2002
  

       [N@N] that reason would be that they fall off.
egbert, Nov 22 2002
  

       <old-dad-joke>
I eat my peas with honey,
I've done so all my life,
It makes the peas taste funny
but they do stick on the knife.
</old-dad-joke>
PeterSilly, Nov 22 2002
  

       "Eat every carrot and pea on your plate!"
absterge, Nov 22 2002
  

       [PeterSilly]: Do you remember an old song by the Springfields called "The Johnson Boys"?
angel, Nov 22 2002
  

       [angel] - the name of the song sounds familiar, but I can't say I remember it.
PeterSilly, Nov 22 2002
  

       Last verse is almost exactly what you cite.
angel, Nov 22 2002
  
      
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