Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Split Second Implosion Furniture Making Machines

Multiple wood grinding cannon devices shoot logs into place to instantly create furniture, but just the shooting together part, forget about the grindy things.
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Pre seasoned, totally quality good furniture parts that are are made from wood that comes from renewable forests and also non renewable forest, and it shot together at the push of a button so it looks like an explosion in reverse then is given to rich people but also to poor people but not to poor people or rich people either.

(old idea for comparison) Based on those tree strippers that cut down a tree and strip it of its branches and bark in seconds, these would form them into furniture parts as well.

Once the various pieces of the furniture are formed, they are shot together to form the final piece of furniture held together by tapered peg in hole construction, secured by the force of the ballistic cannon / cutter / shaper things.

Picture a video of a piece of furniture blowing up in reverse.

Plus it kills ten trees for every one it makes into a credenza, which is then given to the rich.

doctorremulac3, Oct 25 2020

Based on these, they form the furniture parts, then several of these shoot the parts together. https://www.youtube...watch?v=TMgQtFrQiGo
From trees to coffee tables in seconds. [doctorremulac3, Oct 25 2020]

Hydroforming https://www.youtube...watch?v=fOkCKOWpUr0
Pretty interesting. Basically blowing up a balloon in a mold, only it's steel and using water instead of air. [doctorremulac3, Nov 01 2020]

[link]






       That machine is like something from Avator, tearing down the forests of the world to make coffee tables.
xenzag, Oct 25 2020
  

       It's going to be totally unseasoned timber. Put it in a building and it will dry out, warp and crack - even without heating.   

       The pegs will be very prone to shrinkage because of their relatively small size and therefore higher surface area/volume ratio. They'll work lose and fall out.   

       If you're going to do this, you're going to have to log the trees, then put them aside for a long time to lose moisture.
8th of 7, Oct 25 2020
  

       But this isn't something to tear down forests to make coffee tables... oh wait... Never mind.   

       OK, addendum: for every tree this coffee table machine cuts down, it plants... 5, no 10.   

       OK, fixed it.   

       As far as the furniture not holding together, yea, hmm.   

       Maybe I shuld just concentrate on the reverse explosion construction method. That's the zinger to this anyway. Go to the store, pick something from the catalog, push the button and BAM! Credenza. Whatever that is.
doctorremulac3, Oct 25 2020
  

       // And the furniture goes to the poor. //   

       Good plan; there are always more poor people than wealthy ones. You can simply deduct the payments from any social security benefits they receive.   

       // Credenza. Whatever that is //   

       It's a dance, isn't it ? A bit like flamingo ? They bang those Costa nuts things together, and make clicking noises, and stamp their feet (First class or second class postage isn't specified) and shout "Oily !"
8th of 7, Oct 25 2020
  

       [marked-for-tagline] BAM! Credenza. Whatever that is.
Loris, Oct 25 2020
  

       //it plants ten trees for every one it cuts down. And the furniture goes to the poor.//   

       BOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Voice, Oct 25 2020
  

       Well, it's not like rich folk are going to want furniture made with unseasoned timber and having a very rough surface finish, that's quite literally thrown together ...
8th of 7, Oct 25 2020
  

       //it plants ten trees for every one it cuts down. And the furniture goes to the poor.//   

       //BOOOOOOOOOOOOO//   

       OK, I've changed it. It kills ten trees for every one it makes into a credenza, which is then given to the rich.
doctorremulac3, Oct 25 2020
  

       // It kills ten trees for every one it makes into a credenza, which is then given to the rich.//   

       Now that's more like it. Those poor people need to stop whining and dig into their trust funds.
Voice, Oct 26 2020
  

       I know right?
doctorremulac3, Oct 26 2020
  

       So, this would make poor-quality, unseasoned-wood furniture in the middle of a tree plantation. I imagine that one of the many reasons why this is not already done is that it's easier to transport tree trunks than a big pile of furniture.
hippo, Oct 26 2020
  

       Not necessarily; after all, the process removes all the bits of tree that aren't furniture, so you're only transporting the essential parts.   

       The real problem as you have noted is that it's // poor-quality, unseasoned-wood furniture // which means that the product is worth very little more than the source material, and you still have the fixed and variable costs of manufacturing to pay. Truly halfbaked; although taxing the poor in return for giving them rubbish chairs they don't actually want will be a valuable lesson in economics for them.
8th of 7, Oct 26 2020
  

       In the C19th, one way in which an author could quickly establish a character as poor, without writing "they were poor", was to seat them at a "deal table". "Deal", in this sense, meant softwood, easily shaped and probably not seasoned.   

       This idea allows us to update the trope by seating a poor character at an explosively-formed particle board table.
pertinax, Oct 26 2020
  

       Somehow I feel partially to blame for this idea being so dumb.   

       The interesting part is the stuff shooting together, so it should actually be:   

       "Pre seasoned, totally quality good furniture parts that are are made from wood that comes from renewable forests and also non renewable forest, and it shot together at the push of a button so it looks like an explosion in reverse then is given to rich people but also to poor people but not to poor people or rich people."   

       There, fixed it.
doctorremulac3, Oct 26 2020
  

       It looks to me like that timber stripper, with some rotating lathe cutting tooling, could produce small round side tables on it's own.
wjt, Oct 31 2020
  

       I'd think so.   

       Wasn't there a cartoon where some big log cutting machine would take a whole tree and whittle it down to a toothpick?
doctorremulac3, Nov 01 2020
  

       ^Got to have pay back, to make more toothpicks.
wjt, Nov 01 2020
  

       [Dr. R. Emulac III] There was the bowling alley in The Simpsons where every bowling pin was whittled down from a tree trunk, used once, and then thrown away
hippo, Nov 01 2020
  

       Like hydroforming, but in reverse? Suction forming?
whlanteigne, Nov 01 2020
  

       Except using only velocity, just shooting the parts together. Tricky but doable but practical only for putting on a show.   

       Just learned about hydroforming from your note by the way, very cool, thanks. (link)
doctorremulac3, Nov 01 2020
  
      
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