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Zombie Disguise Kit

The Undead Deception to Die For...
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One of the worst things about modern-day living is that you never know when a huge horde of the dead are going to burst from their graves and start hunting the living .

It's a problem and it's getting worse as the number of ways in which zombies may be created increases. In recent years we've seen zombies created as a result of ancient curses/prophecies, voodoo, reanimating viruses, demonic intervention, deaths in evil houses and so the list proceeds.

However, there may be an answer. It may be observed that, irrespective of the manner of their creation, zombies are pretty uniform in appearance and behaviour. They are pale, often sport numerous flesh wounds, have big starey eyes, and groan a lot. They also spend most of their time chasing the living and trying to bite them, whilst studiously ignoring their fellow zombies.

What is needed therefore is a way of blending in with the undead, so as to avoid their attentions.

The Instant Zombie Disguise Kit comes packaged in a discreet zipped compartment built into a stylish leather belt. In case of zombie uprising, simply unzip and apply. A generous supply of fake blood and rapid-application prosthetic wounds will have you looking grave fresh in moments, the white contact lenses will give your eyes that dilated glamour that every zombie strives for and a few sprays of Graveity - The Scent of Stale Death(TM) will have you choking on your own stench in no time.

With a little practice, it should be possible to apply the kit in under five minutes.

DISCLAIMER: Manufacturer accepts no responsibility for users shot in the head by a small band of plucky survivors, who mistook them for genuine zombies.

To avoid such regrettable incidents, manufacturer suggests that users break into a spirited dance routine in a style of their choice upon sighting other survivors, since everyone knows that zombies have no moves. The exception is 80's pop style dancing - this should be avoided at all costs since zombies execute this style quite proficiently as documented in "Thriller".

DocBrown, May 04 2005

Zombie deodorant Zombie_20deodorant
Another take on combatting the Zombie threat [DocBrown, May 04 2005]

Zombie Forums www.allthingszombie.com
All things zombie. I'm actually a part of the forum there. [froglet, May 04 2005]

[link]






       Hmmm. I was going to [m-f-d] - redundant with Zombie Deodorant (a great idea), but I see that both ideas have the same author. Can you [m-f-d] - recycling? I don't know, but I think [DocBrown]'s been watching too many zombie films of late.
wagster, May 04 2005
  

       I haven't! It isn't! Zombie deodorant was [bungston]'s idea. I came up with this last night whilst watching a terrible zombie film, then checked today before posting this to see if anyone had anything similar. [bungston]'s idea comes at the problem from the opposite angle (ie. send the zombies after other zombies, rather than blend in with them) so I thought mine was still worth posting, but thought it polite to link to [bungston]'s idea too.
DocBrown, May 04 2005
  

       Apologies [DocBrown] - this is really what I thought [Bung]'s idea should have been, plus a bit of make-up. I am duty bound to bun you now. We can all sleep safe in our beds.
wagster, May 04 2005
  

       With the constant threat of vampires, werewolves, ghosts, witches and demons still looming over us? I'm not sleeping a wink until I've got solutions for all of them! Perhaps I am watching too many films...
DocBrown, May 04 2005
  

       Shaun of the Dead is NOT a horrible zombie film.
ato_de, May 04 2005
  

       Agreed [ato_de], but I was watching "Resident Evil: Apocalypse". Which is.
DocBrown, May 04 2005
  

       I want to watch Resident Evil: Apocalypse. It's just that I haven't got round to saving money to either rent it or buy it. Yes, I know it's crap, but I like crappy movies.
froglet, May 04 2005
  

       I get the feeling that [froglet] has a huge Ishtar poster in his living room.
shapu, May 04 2005
  

       I want to watch Resident Evil:Pickels.
wagster, May 04 2005
  

       I can't recommend RE:Apocalypse. It sits firmly in the "Too bad to enjoy at face value, not bad enough to be funny" category.
DocBrown, May 05 2005
  

       [Shaun of the Dead] does have a scene where they did exactly this. It is a pretty fine film, I thought.
bungston, May 05 2005
  

       Bill Murray (the character, not the actor, though he's played by the actor of the same name) uses this tactic successfully in Zombieland (2009).
notexactly, Aug 26 2017
  
      
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