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drunk call service

eliminate drunk calls with a simple service
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have you ever been in the bathroom at 1 am and suddenly you get a call from your friend saying that he/she is "drunk" and really likes you?

Well, a subsidiary of AT&t is proud to bring you

"drunk call-o-matic"

Well than, if you want to avoid all these random verbiage, All you have to do is add your susceptible friend to our drunk call list and we will deal with your friend promptly. how it works you ask?

Well than, all you have to do is:

1. Download our java program onto your cellphone (don't worry about Drm, we are friends with Sony!)

2. Give us their number and address.

3. Specify which times you think they might call (say from 10pm to 8 am) and we will filter out your calls prompty.

Now than, what do you we with all this information? well, in cooperation with the NSA, Since drunk drivers are likely a source of terrorism, is it our right to give it to them.

Than....what we do is instantly redirect their seemingly random calls when they say the following keywords (just in case its not an actual drunk call) to our affiliated associates at 1800-nympho, no charge to you of course!,

our intelligent speech algorithms use the following words to know if their call is a drunk one:

-"ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm" -"I really like you....." -"i hate you......" -"hey, lets go eat" -"i'm pretty high/buzzed" -"dude.....i am so drunk"

Also, since we have their records, we can go a step further!! Since we have your friends records, we can intelligently know what he is doing and will be involved in a promotional survey on what he is drinking and link it to his credit card number that is associated with this social security number. We can calculate the amount of alcohol and that will also let us know if they are drunk.

Finally, when they are talking to our kind associates at 1-800 nympho, we will gladly turns times or random grammar and feelings into something convenient.

As an incentive to use our service, you get 2 free aol disks and coupon for free anytimes minutes, at your cost.

We hope that you use our service. Do something for america and help us help you!!

compatta, May 30 2006

Not Dissimilar... http://drunk-dialed.com/
[danrue, Jun 01 2006]

[link]






       you've highlighted an annoying problem, but the solution seems a bit unweildy.   

       how about a server side thing where if the call is 'out of hours' the telco says   

       "Please press the following keys 4433552211"   

       your typical drunk person probably won't be able to do it within the time limit you set.   

       obviously, I'd rather not bother with any of this just on the offchance that someone I care about wants to get in touch, and is drunk/emotional and needs my help/assistance/advice.
neilp, May 30 2006
  

       good luck getting a speech recogition program to work for a drunkard.
jellydoughnut, May 31 2006
  
      
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