h a l f b a k e r y
The phrase 'crumpled heap' comes to mind.
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How could you not land any job you want? At one time in your life you've been in every business role known to man:
1) You've been CEO of your household for years
2) VP of marketing in your lovelife (convincing potential partners that you're the best man for the job)
3) You're a wiz with technology,
presumably an IT genius (you fixed your VCR and programmed your neighbor's, you even learned how redial works on a cell phone)
4) A self-starter in the dual role of Controller and Cheif Negotiator when dodging calls from bill collectors calling about your student loans
5) An experienced Art Director (you taught your nephew how to draw an airplane using 'three point perspective')
6) And you've performed duties as a Director of Human Resources when asking bar flies to explain what they do for a living.
Congrats, suddenly you're a Renaissance Man (or woman).
||And I've beat the crap out of shoplifters, which would make me 'Head of Security'.
||And if you're an American born between 1941 and 1966, you're also Time Magazine's "Man" of the Year in 1966. There's even a good chance that you repeated as Time's "Man" of the Year in 1969. You may even have "three-peated" in 1975.
||I edit my resume in a relational database. That way I can spool off the parts that are most relevant to a given situation. I have queries dedicated to producing resumes for part time data entry jobs, full time administrative assistant jobs, actuarial student jobs, various blue collar jobs, etc., etc., etc. No way I know of to keep it from backfiring, of course. For all I know maybe it already has, and across the board. But if that were the case I don't think I'd be batting about .200 on resumes. (Batting .000 on interviews for 1.5 years and that is getting really *scary* at this point.) Worst they could sue me for is false unadvertising (e.g. omission of bs).
||And if I'm in my seventies, there's probably a hit TV series on called "eightysomething".