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Accent Certification Society
This is a club that you pay a fee to join.
a certification card is issued that permits you to use a fake accent as you see fit in everyday social environments.
This would give people license to roll out a fake British or Indian or other accent when they see fit without
the shame.
MLE
http://en.wikipedia...ural_London_English
[Ian Tindale, Oct 21 2009]
Name: [theleopard] RE: Application for Scottish accent.
Welsh-Embraish_20Translaeta_2c_20ken_3f
Article one. Includes clear public ridicule, poor choice of idioms and overly reliant on phonetic spelling. [theleopard, Oct 23 2009]
Name: [theleopard] RE: Application for Yorkshire accent.
Clic!Kung_20Spear
Article two. Completely gratuitous and arbitrary use of accent to add unnecessary character to narrative. [theleopard, Oct 23 2009]
[link]
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//without the shame// of doing an accent badly, or of racism, or what? Why do I need a certification to make a fool of myself? I do that already for free. |
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When I see fit without the shame I just enjoy it. I mean who doesn't enjoy the naked human form in healthy condition. I'm sure that it inspires me to use a licentious accent but I wouldn't do that in a club that I had paid to get into. If I saw fit in an everyday social environment I wouldn't permit myself to be a certified card by staring, I would fake distraction. |
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Of all the pointless cards... you know what, I like this, though. An
official card always gives a fella an air of authority. Not only
would a guy with a really good accent sound worldly and well-
travelled, now he (or she, sorry!) can back it up when queried
about it. [+] |
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I agree with quest. Completely pointless except it would mark a person as a card carrying prat as opposed to the garden variety. |
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Only thing this lacks: a requirement that the fake accent actually
be a good one. If your false accent sucks and is totally
unconvincing, you don't get the card. You need to add in that
caveat. You also should have to get a stamp (raised, not ink) on
your card for
each accent you wish to use. You have a certified employee
stand with you at a company phone while you call a native
translator of the language you're borrowing the accent from and
converse with him for a few minutes. If the translator feels
you're good enough to pull it off, he provides an authorization
code to the employee nest to you, who enters it in a machine
that dispenses your laminated card. |
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I like this idea; but would like it to be extended to the certification of native accents. There is a growing problem in some countries, particularly certain members states of the of the European Union, in which young adults grow up speaking an accent which is from neither family, school, nor community. In the case of much of England, this strange accent borrows heavily from American and Estuary English, both relayed to them by the medium of television. Similar problems exist elsewhere, and I can go into detail if required. |
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Thus, this idea would also be a worthwhile addition to the standard school examination régime. Students chose between learning either RP or their own regional accent (depending on their political orientation), and having mastered a socially appropriate way of communicating, get an Accent Certification Card. |
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I wish you could take this a few steps even further, and establish an institution that offered accent courses from around the world, upon the completion of which said certifications could be issued. It's a good source of employment for immigrants. |
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Dick van Dyck had his revoked for using a loud and offensive accent in a public movie. |
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Arrrrr, Jim Lads and Jimette Lasses. Oi'd just like to be
a'pointin' out that one person's phoney accent might be
another matey's native tongue, so it is. |
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So, avast there, me hearties, but if you don't mind, oi'll be
a'seein' your cerstiffycates for Received Pronunciation. |
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The idea of issuing a license to do something knows no limits and must therefore be regarded as "idea light" ie a license to wear tartan; to pick your nose when sitting at traffic lights; to walk backwards with a banana on your head etc etc. Having said that, I still like it. |
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I think there should be multiple grades of accent license. You pay an extra fee for having bad though. |
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//Xenxag// Are you suggesting my Nasal Excavation License is fake? I even paid extra for the provision to Excavate in a public place. |
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"That's not a goldfish license, that's a dog license with the word 'dog' crossed out and the word 'goldfish' written above in crayon". |
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Would I get away with using an unlicensed 'Max Headroom' accent on account of my speech impediment? |
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//Xenzag// not if you need a licence to issue licences. |
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What about bring required to hold a license to use licenses? |
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Ironically, I've always imagined [vfrackis] to be Indian. I have no idea why as there's really no evidence to back this up, but the moniker suggests a name like Videsh Frackis or somesuch. |
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Anyway [vfrackis], I always read your words with a slight subcontinental twang in them so I hope that either you really are Indian, or you have an imaginary certificate to go with the imaginary accent you are using in my mind. |
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//to go with the imaginary accent you are using in my mind.// |
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This week my internal devil and conscience will be voiced by Joe Pasquale and Sean Connery respectively. |
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Would this certification give you any rights that the first amendment does not already? |
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I wouldn't have thought so, Bad Jim. However, a licensed fake accent would be much more authoritive. Many people are more easily impressed by a well presented certificate than by a well presented argument. |
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Better to keep your mouth closed and be thought a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt. |
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Vis wan toim, roight, I fooled a Sarf Lahndaner at I wos frum Sarf Lahndan, innit? |
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