h a l f b a k e r y
"Not baked goods, Professor; baked bads!" -- The Tick
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I do not wear perfume, scent or aftershave. Nobody has yet
I believe these products are very popular. Their main purpose
than masking some gross personal problem) seems to be to create
subtle mood or subliminal impression, be it of freshness,
seabreeziness or aged spice. Some people, it would seem, even
to create the impression of dead whales or civets.
Why, I hear you ask, should these mood-or-impression-creating
artifices be confined to the nasal domain?
Exactly what those cunning artificers at MaxFaktor were
MaxFaktor, therefore, is diluted to be unveiling its range of Aural
Each exquisite item, injection moulded with care and love from
the finest 18K Goldette or
Sterling Similar, is an attractive piece of jewellery such as a
an anklet, or a nose-stud.
To the casual observer in a busy street, this is all it is.
When you find yourself sitting next to an Aural Perfume wearer
during a quiet moment, you will hear - just at the threshold of
audibility - the distant crash of waves on a tropical beach, the
of bees on patch of clover, the soothing whisper of wind through
trees, or sound of fresh-mown hay. If the person sitting next to
happens to be in a particularly masculine or daredevilish mood,
perhaps your ears will be tickled by the quiet murmer of distant
gunfire or the merry song of far-off chainsaws.
These near-subliminal ambiences are produced by the tiny
circuit and button-cell built into each Aural Perfume.
The possiblilities are as unlimitless as your moods.
Halfbakery: Aural Perfume (2000)
[jutta, Sep 08 2010]
||Two challenges: Getting rich, polyphonic and low frequencies out of the tiny speakers, and making an aural 'aura' (rather than the sound coming from a point source).
||You could probably overcome both of these challenges by using a large number of the speakers placed all over the body. And rather than using jewellery (and risk looking like "37 pieces of flair"), the speakers could be embedded in flexible patches that are stuck to the inside surface of clothing.
||phew! - I misread the title as "Anal Perfumes"
||Love it - and I belive I can just make out the sound of a thousand ambient croissants either rising in the oven, or being ever-so-gently, ever-so-moistly squished to test for freshness [+] - Although, I do wonder whether some people's urge to out-bling one another might result in hacked versions operating at significantly *above* ambient level - and before you know it, all manner of grumpy teenagers will be walking about surrounded by the ambient, but indentity-expressing sounds of roadworks, static, and the heartwrenching sound of baby seals being clubbed to death.
||You have a point, oh zennish one.
||On the other hand, pre-escalation, there might be a new
trend for pubs, nightclubs, dicotheques, hops and other
venues for young people to become quieter and quieter so
that people can hear each other's aural perfumes. With luck,
we might wind up with completely anechoic places, where
everyone spoke in whispers.
||It might even see the death of muzak.
||Oh bugger. How did I miss Jutta's link before? I am
overcome with dumth. I am happy to delete if it is The Will
of The People.
||[+] though I'm not as optimistic as 8/7 with "death of muzak".
||A buzzing sound from below, almost inaudible...