Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Hair Reassembler

Solve a problem before it starts
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You lose 50 hairs each day. Instead of vacuuming them up from bathroom floors, pillows, and sheets, and throwing them away, why not save them for future use?

The Phundug Hair Reassembler is shaped like a life-sized bust (head and torso) of a man or woman. When you find a stray hair, simply feed it into the receptor located on the front. The Reassembler takes the hair and shunts it through a system of microtubules, until it ultimately emerges through one of 100,000 "follicles" at the top of the head.

The machine analyzes color, texture, and length in order to determine the best destination for the hair.

After 5 or 10 years, you will have assembled a complete new head of hair. Then, simply peel off the porous membrane from the top of the skull, and you will have a perfect wig or toupee!

If you later go bald, or have already gone bald, just bring this toupee to your local hair clinic and the toupeeist will cut it to perfectly fit your bald spots. Since the toupee matches your hair exactly, no one will ever know your secret.

And don't stop there! Your hair color changes all the time. Pick up a spare membrane at your local drugstore, and get started on a new head for the future!

phundug, Sep 23 2003

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       You only lose fifty hairs a day? Ach, Oh luxury.   

       The barber could produce one of these (a crew cut toupee) after a haircut.   

       What should I do with the dandruff?
FarmerJohn, Sep 23 2003
  

       //Pick up a spare membrane at your local drugstore//   

       Is that where they are selling them?
k_sra, Sep 24 2003
  

       I saw this a couple of days ago, on a humourous "getting old" birthday card. It featured a fake Martha Stewart in various old-person home maker situations, such as, "Don't throw away all that hair you're losing. Save it and use it to make couch throws."
waugsqueke, Sep 24 2003
  
      
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