Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Marital Arts

Learn the ancient noble art of being married
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A spelling error in my jujitsu syllabus inspired me to think...imagine a marital arts syllabus in which one could learn the art of perfect marriage. White belt beginners would be taken through their paces in learning standard defences against insinuation,a nd stances whilst having plates thrown, and then proceed to yellow, orange, blue, purple and then brown belts in various disciplines. A black belt would be expected to be a master at marital arts and will have instinctively honed their skills at accepting criticism, remembering birthdays and anniversaries, buying spontaneous gifts of affection and repeating the mantra 'I love you' at least twenty times a day. Not for the faint hearted, training is arduous and it can take a lifetime to achieve mastery.
stickyman, Mar 07 2001

Oh my god can people not spell properly!! http://www.lookma.com/acma/default.htm
See how the marital and martial worlds are inextricably linked. [stickyman, Mar 07 2001]

Interesting 'scientific' study on marital bliss http://www.apa.org/releases/bliss.html
[stickyman, Mar 07 2001]

[link]






       stickyman, your version is funnier, but I suspect the real black belt skills would involve things more like self-sacrifice and finding joy in seeking good for someone else.
beauxeault, Mar 07 2001
  

       You suspect wrong beauxeault for it is this very misconception about marriage that means we need marital arts. By the way I am not married so I have no idea what I am talking about.
stickyman, Mar 07 2001
  

       The progression of belts should probably be paper, wood, tin, crystal, china, silver, gold and diamond.
francois, Mar 07 2001
  

       Regarding stickyman's link: A quick search for the term "marital arts" does show a powerful correlation between martial arts expertise and poor spelling. Best reason yet for joining Pedants Anonymous.
beauxeault, Mar 08 2001
  

       This idea only confirms my own belief, that women are the alien visitors that we've been looking for all these years.
DrBob, Mar 09 2001
  

       stickyman: Will you marry me? :)
oic, Mar 09 2001
  

       What would happen if a married couple started the course at the same level, but their learning paths later diverged? Can an orange belt continue to be married to a black belt? Or is orange immediately disqualified from the union with black because he or she cannot perform the skills demonstrated by the superior partner?   

       This is shaky ground, I know, but I'm curious.
1percent, Mar 29 2001
  

       wouldnt it be a bit hard to wear a diamond belt   

       it would restrict the graceful smooth movements needed in the marital arts :-) hehehehehe
chud, Mar 29 2001
  

       "Students. If you seek true marital enlightenment, repeat these mantras after me. 'I'm sorry, dear.' 'Yes, dear.' 'No, that dress doesn't make you look fat, dear.' 'Yes, of course you're as pretty as when we were white-belts, dear.' Meditate on this wisdom.
Aaaaaahhhh-ooooooommmmmm....
RayfordSteele, Feb 08 2002
  

       And here I was expecting something much kinkier involving ninjas and bedsheets.
RayfordSteele, Oct 15 2004
  
      
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