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"Sounds of the Jungle" Sex-Noise Masking Device

need I say more ?
  (+19, -1)(+19, -1)
(+19, -1)
  [vote for,
against]

Listening to a couple in an adjoining room going at it full-tilt can be a bit wearing if you're trying to get some shuteye; likewise *being* that couple: you may feel obligated to modulate your shouts of "THE BADGER ! DO THE RANDY BADGER !" at 3am (or not).

The Sounds of the Jungle Sex Noise-Masking Device takes those noises, measures the frequency/duration, etc. and blends them artistically into a dynamic kaleidoscope of jungle noises, realtime. For example, the bed thumping against the wall is mixed and morphed seamlessly into a tribal drumbeat cadence.

Can be emplaced on either side of the wall or ceiling.

FlyingToaster, Nov 20 2009

The right to have loud sex? http://www.theweek....ht_to_have_loud_sex
A sampler of a UK "too loud sex" story. These people where producing a very high DB while procreating.. [Aristotle, Nov 23 2009]

Nymphomatriarch http://en.wikipedia...iki/Nymphomatriarch
Sex album by Venetain Snares & Hecate [pantamonkey, Nov 23 2009]

[link]






       Ka-Kaw! Ka-Kaw!
Jinbish, Nov 20 2009
  

       Save you doing them yourself too! +
xenzag, Nov 20 2009
  

       My wife went to Prague last weekend, and the couple in the room next door were going at it hammer and tongs for about an hour, with the female screaming extremely loudly in an ecstatic manner. Suddenly, there was a loud slap, and the woman fell silent.   

       It was apparently much funnier if you were there at the time.   

       Anyway, I like this. [+]
jtp, Nov 20 2009
  

       I'm not saying I condone wife-beating, by the way. I like to think that it was more of a bottom-spank.
jtp, Nov 20 2009
  

       + includes vine-swinging ---WHEEEEE
xandram, Nov 20 2009
  

       Never a problem at our home. It's all over after a minute or two.
RayfordSteele, Nov 20 2009
  

       I feel like this can be part of a series of noise-masking devices/cds. [+] for "Sounds of the Jungle".
calculust, Nov 20 2009
  

       And across the curtains, surely?
pocmloc, Nov 20 2009
  

       Aaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh Ay Ay-oh Whim-a-way...
Jinbish, Nov 20 2009
  

       loud enough and the device defaults to "trumpeting elephant stampede", unpredictable enough and you get "wild monkey orgy". § x1
FlyingToaster, Nov 21 2009
  

       "I feel like this can be part of a series of noise-masking devices/cds"   

       But corresponding to expected use for any one machine. In this case, packing a device along for frequent hotel stays. Say... if you were a travelling hit man for the Russian mafia you might switch modes on your "sounds of the jungle" sex noise masking device to "sounds of musical theater" horrific brutality masking device.   

       "Oh god. NO. Please. I promise. Please. OH god! No. What are you...? AAAAAAAAGGGGGh." ...might be "blended artistically into a dynamic kaleidoscope" of classically entertaining scores from The Sound of Music, or West Side Story.   

       Or, I don't know, maybe Sweeny Todd or Little Shop of Horrors would be more in line with the FlyingToaster's original concept. But Sound of Music or Mary Poppins would just be so much more fun.
outloud, Nov 21 2009
  

       I thank you to leave my badger out of this.   

       It would have to cope with both very loud and very subtle noises. I find even the most discrete series of nearby gasps can tear me from my slumber.   

       And I'd prefer white noise to Westside Story any day of the week ... []
Aristotle, Nov 23 2009
  

       Had a similar experience to jtp, but in Japan. The worst bit was that I had been kept awake by a friend's snoring for a couple of hours beforehand and they had, at last, and after a final spectacular grunt, shut the fuck up when the couple next door started banging and howling away. It was almost like they had planned it. Some nights, becoming an axe murderer seems like a really easy career choice!

I'd vote plus for almost any idea that addressed this phenomenon, so have a bun Mr Toaster.
DrBob, Nov 23 2009
  

       "...after a final spectacular grunt..."   

       To the dream fairy..   

       "I'll, uh, have what he's having."
outloud, Nov 23 2009
  

       [Rayford], I'm jealous.
blissmiss, Nov 23 2009
  

       Sort of a sidenote-   

       A joint project between Venetian Snares and Hecate-   

       "The two breakcore artists sampled various sexual activities performed with one another while they were touring Europe, and only these samples were used to construct the album."   

       I have always wondered if the idea of the sex or the album came first, using recording an album to have sex is a novel idea.   

       [+]
pantamonkey, Nov 23 2009
  

       better idea: the jungle noise sex masker. it is a device that, when you find yourself alone in a jungle late at night, it plays back that incredible boot-knocking performance that Unabubba heard his neighbors performing and was oh-so-unappreciative of.
neo_, Nov 24 2009
  
      
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