Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Santa Clauseau

Not outstandingly competent ...
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If you have been Naughty in the preceding year, you can expect a visit from Santa Clauseau on Christmas night.

Dressed in his distinctive red trenchcoat with white fur trim, wearing a very obviously false white beard and gold-rimmed glasses frames without glass, he attempts to stealthily descend the chimney flue. Unfortunately he always either gets stuck, or plummets into the fireplace with a resounding crash.

If he does gain access to the room, he then creeps around seeking to detect evidence of Naughtiness. Sadly, his attempts at surreptitious movement are thwarted as he trips over the fire irons, knocks the Christmas tree over (removing the only source of artificial light), kicks the pile of presents causing a noisy toy to activate, falls over furniture and causes general mayhem.

He is then confronted by the now-roused householders, at which point he makes a series of increasingly unconvincing extemporized excuses in a very bad imitation of a french accent, while retreating towards the fireplace intending to make good his escape. However, this plan is thwarted when, just as he is about to start his scramble back up the flue, a cupboard bursts open and a diminutive Chinese man dressed in a black silk elf costume hurls himself on the unfortunate Santa and attacks him using oriental martial arts.

By the time the police arrive, the only evidence of his presence is a discarded false beard, a set of twisted spectacle frames, a trail of devastation, and crashes, thumps and a plaintive cry of "No, Cato, not now ! " resonating in the chimney pot.

8th of 7, Dec 17 2018

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