Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
No servicable parts inside.

idea: add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random

meta: news, help, about, links, report a problem

account: browse anonymously, or get an account and write.

user:
pass:
register,


                                                                                                                                                                                     

Strap-on Testicles for Tough Women

I love Women. Even Tough Women. I want them Happy.
  (+3, -2)
(+3, -2)
  [vote for,
against]

Somewhere in my pot-holed past, I realized that women are really truly what make life great. Soft, delicate.. just about every possible good thing you can think of..

But lately I've also developed a very healthy respect and admiration for tough women. Women of Character, strength, and dignity. Why not give them a great set of cojones if they want ?

(I avoid the use of the term "prosthesis" because that implies replacement of something missing..)

They deserve to walk with the same swagger as Bush on the Deck of the Carrier.

Incidentally, this is not meant for any sexual stimulation.

I've always heard that little things like poise and communication skill and strong handshakes are what make the "difference"..

Big Cojones and the swagger to go along with it also, perhaps?

mahatma, May 07 2003

Not exactly strap-on... http://www.bullsballs.com/
[phoenix, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Google search for +strap +on +testicles http://www.google.c...+%2Bon+%2Btesticles
Evidently you have to buy the whole set. [phoenix]

Most Debated View http://www.halfbake...Most_20Debated_2010 [phoenix, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Most Debated View http://www.halfbake...Most_20Debated_2010
[my face your, Oct 05 2004]

Fulcrum View http://www.halfbake...anced:i=:t=balanced
This is what I meant. I thought I managed to sort it properly before, but I don't seem to be able to do that now. [DrCurry, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

[link]






       +. The "Product" ? The idea and the nice comments about appreciating tough women of character A+++.   

       Now I love you for more than just the 1st croissant.
thecat, May 07 2003
  

       [thecat] I just (probably) broke an unwritten rule and voted for every one of your ideas, b/c behind those ideas stands you. More to say....
mahatma, May 07 2003
  

       To be perfectly honest, this one got my croissant as soon as I read the title.
my face your, May 07 2003
  

       Jutta, you make a good point. Please recognize that it wasn't a decision anyone here made re: "seat of courage".. but it just is..   

       This is going to get interesting...
mahatma, May 07 2003
  

       I too have great respect for women who I consider to be tough. The ones I know are tough and yet very feminine. It seems that this idea is implying that being tough and feminine are mutually exclusive.
half, May 07 2003
  

       Oh, for G*d's sake, stick a sock in it. (That's what everyone else does.)
DrCurry, May 07 2003
  

       can soft, delicate men get theirs removed?
johnmeacham, May 07 2003
  

       If you love women so much why would you propose to make them more like men? I should think you would appreciate muliebrity rather than seeking to diminish it.
bristolz, May 07 2003
  

       I can't *believe* it's not baked. I could see these flying off the shelves of the novelty shops.   

       Are testicles in fact the source of manliness? I guess they're the source of testosterone, but I'm not sure that's the same thing.   

       Eh, whatever. +
snarfyguy, May 07 2003
  

       <visits dictionary.com/> . . .
I appreciate "muliebrity".
And tough women with really big
vocabularies. ;-)
half, May 07 2003
  

       [bristolz] not seeking to diminish anything.   

       That's like saying "why are you seeking to diminish the right of women to wear whatever they want ?"
mahatma, May 07 2003
  

       I have often seen those big trucks with mud-flaps sporting the chrome silhouette of a nude woman. But a Peterbilt would seem so much manlier if it had a chrome testicle centered on each flap. Don't you think?
pluterday, May 07 2003
  

       [mahatma], you're right; my words were ill-considered. I should have written: "... rather than seeking to muddle it."   

       [half], I thought that the right word as counterpoise to the swagger of virility.
bristolz, May 07 2003
  

       are they compulsory? thank goodness, I'm not tough.
po, May 07 2003
  

       I would like to note that this idea is baked by lady hyenas, who are born with fake balls.
bungston, May 07 2003
  

       Yes, and the dozens of boobs with nuts hanging around Santa Monica Blvd for an entire mile.
thumbwax, May 07 2003
  

       reensure: thank you for that link. It made reading this whole stupid idea worth it.
DrCurry, May 07 2003
  

       so, the problem is basically:   

       toughness is assosiated with balls.   

       balls are assosiated with males.   

       to fix this obviously sexist sentiment the chain must be broken. One solution is to take the easy path of discouraging the assosiation of toughness with balls which is a purely sociological solution. A messier but more direct solution is proposed to remove the assosiation of 'having balls' with 'being male'. Problem solved without complicated psychology and/or social engineering.   

       I say, balls for none. they can be distributed as-needed for reproduction or comedic effect when one needs to be kicked in them.
johnmeacham, May 08 2003
  

       In my defense, I've heard many many women (over time) about the "brass set on her" or one woman telling another to "get a pair and go for it", etc. Are we all ignoring the association ?   

       trying to ignore .. I suppose.   

       and I'm not helping.   

       I will now have to redeem myself.
mahatma, May 08 2003
  

       but then someone else will come along and post the same idea <g> hey its not that bad is it?
po, May 08 2003
  

       No, leave it be. Let it be a lesson to the young’uns.
pluterday, May 08 2003
  

       [DrCurry] Quite mean-spirited of you. Had it not been for our shared interests I would take greater offense.
mahatma, May 08 2003
  

       I figured a least the annotations should be interesting. I tried to link to Merriam Webster online (http://www.m-w.com/netdict.htm), but it wouldn't go through. By clicking the speaker icon for muliebrity there you'll see it sounds much better than it looks. Wonder if it will pop up again in the next few days. Main Entry: mu·li·eb·ri·ty Pronunciation: "myü-lE-'e-br&-tE Function: noun Etymology: Late Latin muliebritat-, muliebritas, from Latin muliebris of a woman, from mulier woman Date: 1592 : FEMININITY   

       Mulie-bris.....hmmm.
ty6, May 08 2003
  

       Doesn't there already exist an Obiwan's Tack Shop for benwa balls?   

         

       Holy holsteins! Those scarves could be milkbags-to-go putting a dent in the Platypus Water Tank market.
Tiger Lily, May 08 2003
  

       <Family Guy>Whoa, Lois! Someone's wearing their ovaries on the outside!</Family Guy>
friendlyfire, May 08 2003
  

       It might have been nice to have been born with a penis, which any lover half alive is capable of finding, but I don't know anybody suffering from testicle envy.   

       Thanks but no thanks.
grecosartre, May 08 2003
  

       // I don't know anybody suffering from testicle envy//

That is most certainly a true statement. To my knowledge, men are not out there buying drugs to make them bigger. Even Google only coughs up 5 hits on “testicle envy”. <aside> And the first one is to an article from the Exquisite Corpse, which is a fine magazine indeed. A product of the Romanian born American madman, Andrei Codrescu.
pluterday, May 08 2003
  

       We do really love that you love tough women, [mahatma]. Even if we don't love your pseudoballs.   

       [plute], I can't believe that i missed your inspired Schrodinger's litter box. Can I have my choice of multiverses outside? So when I come out he will have left his wife?
grecosartre, May 08 2003
  

       [grecosartre] He will never leave his wife I'm afraid. But you'll always have status quo.
pluterday, May 08 2003
  

       [grecosartre] If you subscribe to the Lewis multiverse theory, then we have no need for a box at all.
mahatma, May 09 2003
  

       Obiwan's Tacky Shop?
grecosartre, May 09 2003
  

       //That would be Obiwan's Tackle Shop, surely?//   

       No, not surely. Stateside colloquialism aside, //Tack// will suffice for the *truly* stout, either gender. Foreigner perhaps? I like that it works both ways now. Thanks for the laugh.
Tiger Lily, May 09 2003
  

       I'm with bliss on this one. You're trying to make strong women honorary males by giving them another bag to carry around with them. Strength of personality has nothing to do with any kind of anatomical baggage - whether it be chest or groin-based - I've met loads of strong women who could eat me alive, and they don't need a wrinkly prosthetic nutsack to do it.
dustmonkey, May 09 2003
  

       Ah, fly rodding then.   

         

       *[dustmonkey] Solid 24k benwa balls aren't baggy nor do they wrinkle.   

       My interpretation of this idea is that it suggests such a potentially ludicrous gift actually be given in the spirit of admiration for someone's strength of character. Arguing conventionality is therefore to be lost in the woods here. Personally, I'd be curious to make the platonic acquaintance of any female so comfortable with herself as to wear this jewelry endowment openly over one augmenting herself with more conventional anatomical baggage. Spiked heels, stark shoulder pads, etc. Oh, and Biggy Sized hair.
Tiger Lily, May 10 2003
  

       There are already packing penis/testicle sets for female-to-male transsexuals. Tough women who identify as women don't need balls.   

       Boo. Fish.
entitything, May 11 2003
  

       Your comment [blissmiss] about grasping concepts here is interesting. In my mind "Strap-on" suggests an impermanent augmentation, hardly that of genetic modification.
Tiger Lily, May 12 2003
  

       do these things go under your skirt/trousers or do you flaunt them like superman wears his underpants?
po, May 12 2003
  

       [Tiger Lily] your comment re: "arguing conventionality" hits the spot. Humblest thanks.
mahatma, May 12 2003
  

       Who looks at testicles anyway? Some of the most awful looking men have the biggest of all! If you really want to look like a tough guy, get hairy nose plugs.
pluterday, May 12 2003
  

       [UB] LOL. You made me spit out my coffee. thanks.
mahatma, May 12 2003
  

       blissmiss, with regard to his Bubbaness, I feel we should be grateful for small mercies <g>
po, May 12 2003
  

       LOL! I wonder if beauty school teaches Armpit Wig Styling before or after Pubic Dreadlock Extensions.   

       //Wonder if it pays well?// Well, I imagine this depends on shear experience.
Tiger Lily, May 12 2003
  

       hair stylists tend to woik their way from the floor up.
po, May 13 2003
  

       How the fuck does this get +19?
waugsqueke, May 13 2003
  

       <looking around> Lots of women here. Lots of tough women...

And right up there, below the trademark croissant, it just said (I swear): "Strap *this* to the back of your cat."
pluterday, May 13 2003
  

       20
po, May 13 2003
  

       [thecat, plute, po, bliss, tiger, jutta, bris] -- my love for tough women (with a sense of humor) has intensified even more.   

       Group hug !   

       (I'll try not to hog this category)
mahatma, May 13 2003
  

       & I thought tiger was a fella. hey you missed out jutta and bris.
po, May 13 2003
  

       They neutered me - fuck it ! where do I stand at this party? Po, sorry, we cannot have kittens. Bliss, I fancy you from afar. Plute - hey baby, you have an air of mystery that... weeps...I will be avenged...I will rip their fucking sofa to bits...
The Kat, May 13 2003
  

       waugs: +20 now. I love seeing ideas like this that somehow stay balanced on the cusp, with matching hugely positive and negative votes. I used to have a custom view to identify them, but I seem to have mislaid it. (Not that I especially love this particular idea, of course.)
mahatma: not intended mean-spiritedly; I trust the fact that this has racked up 20 croissants will keep you from deleting it - obviously it generates a love/hate response.
DrCurry, May 13 2003
  

       I know what you mean Doc. probably the best. tell The Kat I am too old for kittens! but I am flattered by his attention.
po, May 13 2003
  

       I'm disturbed that there are so many bakers who favour this monumentally dumb and sexist piece of shit.   

       It's very disheartening. The overall level of intelligence once displayed here has definitely plummeted. I could possibly understand if there were trace elements of intelligent humour involved, but it's totally devoid of that.
waugsqueke, May 13 2003
  

       apply it to politics and think! think voting.
po, May 13 2003
  

       // this monumentally dumb and sexist piece of shit//

…and yet there is that strange attraction. To tough women. Tough women with rubber testicles. You don’t want to look. But you must. You are in the bakery gutter now, caught up in this steamy and unnatural exhibitionism. This wet underbelly of…oh, gwad no, it’s The Kat! With rubber balls strapped to its back, hungry for revenge. Running wildly, waugs slips in the yeasty slime, and The Kat is upon him in an instant…
pluterday, May 13 2003
  

       a female sport, yes plute. you have it!   

       my money is on the kat!
po, May 13 2003
  

       I think I'd be more afraid of the yeasty slime.
Worldgineer, May 13 2003
  

       //I'm disturbed that there are so many bakers who favour this monumentally dumb and sexist piece of shit.//   

       //It's very disheartening. The overall level of intelligence once displayed here...//   

       <aside> [waugsqueke], the only thing I find truly disheartening and that I can't help but notice is how much cynicism you serve to so many other halfbakers on ideas you don't even like.   

       Then you publicly insult this group for extra measure.   

       (Insulting someone, especially their intelligence, is a tricky business since you never know what you may not have in focus yourself...)   

       A simple Nay and fishbone will do before logging out, perhaps to go off and indulge yourself in a nice afternoon. </>
Tiger Lily, May 13 2003
  

       Hey, it's all subjective.   

       I voted for this because the title made me laugh. To me it's an absurdity - there's no logic in the assumption that tough women want or need testicles just as there is no logic in the assumption that any woman, tough or not, would want to make their undercarriages a bulgier and more uncomfortable place. For these reasons, (reasons against reason, I suppose) it made me laugh, so I voted for it.   

       [DrCurry], when you talk of your custom view, do you mean the "most debated" view? I've linked to it above. Strap On Testicles... is currently ranked 13th most debated idea on the site.
my face your, May 13 2003
  

       Tiger Lily, cynicism is in the eye of the beholder, isn't it?   

       A nay and negative vote would convey only my dislike for this idea. Obviously my intent was to convey a lot more than that, so those devices were insufficient.   

       This group has insulted itself by voting up this crap. I merely pointed it out.   

       I just lament the bakery days when stupid and sexist ideas were voted down or ignored. I understand and appreciate absurdity, mfy, as my history here shows. However something like this getting more positive votes than most other ideas here in the last couple of weeks... well, I see this as a startling development.   

       Anyway, my point is made and I am done.   

       [Curry, no worries. You can't annoy me any more than you already do.]
waugsqueke, May 13 2003
  

       waugs: wow, you almost persuaded me to change my vote, just to annoy you some more.
mfy: ta, but that's not the one I was thinking of and your math is a bit off.
DrCurry, May 13 2003
  

       [waugs], 'scool. I was just saying why I like it not why anyone else should.   

       [DrCurry], I've counted down to 13th place from the top of the "Most Debated" link about 17 times now and it keeps resting on Strap On Testicles. Is it coming up in a different place on your view?
my face your, May 13 2003
  

       //Tiger Lily, cynicism is in the eye of the beholder, isn't it? //   

       Usually, until it's packed in my orifaces. Now, could you please take your finger out of my eye?
Tiger Lily, May 13 2003
  

       TO THOSE WHO GAVE THIS A CROISSANT: I am not going to give the obvious explanation of why any woman (anybody, actually) would think this is a nice thing to think of, a nice thing to want. If you have a tiny bit of common sense in your heads, you will know why I think this is bullshit.   

       Cojones? What in the world made you think women need them to stand up and be worthy? (Read my profile, i am not feminist or anything, but you don't need to be feminist to feel insulted by this).   

       Plus, we were compared with Bush. To hell with that! (fishbone)   

       What is unbelieveable though is that, for the first time, I agre with waugs.
Pericles, May 13 2003
  

       Stupid really. Pretty stupid, sexist crap.
cancan, May 13 2003
  

       mfy: and it doesn't bother you that you show an idea at 13th place on a list of "10"...? ;)
cancan: stupid, yes, but we've seen much worse in the way of sexism and crap, and this is the Halfbakery.
DrCurry, May 13 2003
  

       I'll stick with my "proverbial balls"...thanks...
OpheliaFrump, May 13 2003
  

       It seems to me that we have several types of responses here: 1. Women who don't like this idea because it is sexist/stupid/INSULTING. Probably insulting because they feel like men are imposing something on them. (somewhat insecure I believe) 2. Women who don't necessarily like this idea but think it is funny, and therefore go along with it (in the spirit of HB). (Your strength and security is showing much more than a fake, dumb pair of strap-on testicles. Congratulations) 3. Men who don't like this idea because it is stupid, and don't care to promote it. 4. Men who like this idea because it is funny. (generally I believe there is no man who think women should have testicles, really. It does go against everything we love about women)   

       Detractors: Keep in mind it is an optional, non imposition.   

       Let's just imagine if someone posted an item of "hanging boobs" for sensitive men. How would men react ? How would women react ? How would the exact people in the groups (1-4) above react to the new proposition ?   

       here's my thought: Category (corresponding to above numbers, with response) 1. detractors Mixed between "Yeah ! Men need to get a taste of their own medicine" and "Oh, grow up" 2. accepting women would be consistent - go with the funny 3. Men who think it is stupid, just like above 4. Men who think it's funny.   

       hmmmm.....
mahatma, May 14 2003
  

       not straps for sensitive men, more like little lacy ribbons
po, May 14 2003
  

       (chuckling) my apologies [drcurry] [po] absolutely right.   

       The voting "over there" is proving my point completely !
mahatma, May 14 2003
  

       I put that up on the wrong idea <g> or did I?   

       does it matter?
po, May 14 2003
  

       [po] HAHAHA I think I just figured out what the <g> is !? very nice, po.
mahatma, May 14 2003
  

       <g> strings for fairies.
egbert, May 14 2003
  

       I'm surprised there hasn't been a request to make these explosive. ....   

       "Yay !"   

       ....
mahatma, May 14 2003
  

       Ouch. And liquor filled wouldn't work either - just too small and inaccessable.
Worldgineer, May 14 2003
  

       //I'm surprised there hasn't been a request to make these explosive. .... //and custard filled.   

       HB comes round full circle.
po, May 14 2003
  

       And hits you around the back of the head with a custard-filled <thwop>.
egbert, May 14 2003
  

       "Yeah, suck my balls. No really, they're custard filled."
Worldgineer, May 14 2003
  

       fascinating view (DC) - which user has the most balanced ideas?   

       does it make for a well-balanced halfbaker?
po, May 14 2003
  

       I don't hate it because it's stupid, I hate it because I DON'T NEED TESTICLES TO HAVE BALLS!!   

       You guys really need to know, that, as somebody who has spent a lot of time in that vicinity, they are a necessary evil, not another roadside attraction.   

       As far as // "hanging boobs" for sensitive men// goes, that's insulting to boobs, although you probably didn't mean it to be. Why isn't it perky C-cups for sensitive men?
grecosartre, May 14 2003
  

       /perky C-cups // Coffee filled?
egbert, May 15 2003
  

       //...I DON'T NEED TESTICLES TO HAVE BALLS!!//   

       Exactly! <snicker> You now qualify to have a pair of your very own strap-ons *delivered* to you right at work by the company's official spokes-singer, soprano Dariusz Paradowski himself. (He wears a pair everywhere!)
Tiger Lily, May 15 2003
  

       "Balls" in how many languages means "desicive" or "active" ??????????????????   

       Sincerely,   

       :-P
sirau, May 15 2003
  

       It always amuses me when people say something like "She's got balls!" in the slang sense without reflecting on quite what it is they're saying.
DrCurry, May 15 2003
  

       Ironically, in many cases (in my experience) by the most feminine of women. Not that I'm an expert on femininity by any stretch of the imagination (obviously) !   

       [Dr Curry] Impressive link !! (re:Fulcrum)
mahatma, May 15 2003
  

       Many transgendered tough women out there are quite the inventors when it comes to this topic. Seeking to identify as a man, without having to get the sex change many step into the prosthetic territory with a leap. Yet the trans women I knew in school made the devices into a sort of game : one even made it possible to urinate out of it (transbathroom issues often arise for women passing as men). Much improvements need to be made in the genre of male prosthetics. Packages need some work in the packaging department. Whatever helps people on their gender identity reality I'm all for.
bubblegrrl79, May 19 2003
  

       Come again?   

       uh... Thank you for shopping the Brass Menagerie. Please _come _again...
Tiger Lily, May 20 2003
  
      
[annotate]
  


 

back: main index

business  computer  culture  fashion  food  halfbakery  home  other  product  public  science  sport  vehicle