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Animal trials

Are they really that innocent ?
  [vote for,

Whenever there's a natural or man-made disaster, the scum filth gutter press always have, somewhere in their text, a line like, "and thousands of innocent seabirds are coated with oil" or "hundreds of innocent animals have perished in the forest fire".

But are they really innocent ? Is that seabird, now flapping pathetically along the beach, the same evil creature that deposited a huge streak of guano on your clean car last week ? Is the racoon in the picture the same one that stole the bacon from your picnic table last summer ? Is that rabbit the unfit mother that let her offspring wander into the path of your car, causing you to swerve and damage your tyre as you ran onto the verge ?

The obvious way to do this is to put animals on trial for thei collective crimes. We already have horse trials in the UK; sadly, the death penalty is not available. I see no reason why the system should not be extended to other animals.

A criminal who is killed while evading the police in a high-speed pursuit recieves little or no public sympathy. I don't see why, in the interests of justice (and to pacify all those pansy pinko Guardian-reading vegetarian animal lovers) the same principles should not be applied to the animal world.

8th of 7, Dec 06 2002

criminal prosecution of animals http://www.rbooksho...mals_1886363528.htm
[po, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

animals in law. http://www.animalcr...m/animals_in_cj.htm
[po, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Badminton horse trials http://www.badminton-horse.co.uk/
[po, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

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       // you want animals tortured (forest fires, oil spills) or killed for these things.//   

       No, I don't want them to happen - they just do; and then the press invariably churn out the same old tired cliche. I want to know if they're telling the whole truth - I suspect they're just making it up.   

       // You are truly a disturbed individual //   

       Like everyone else round here ?   

       // Let's start with your dog, 8. I'm sure he's up to no good //   

       So am I. Completely. That's why I want a telepresence system to keep an eye on him. It's certianly not me making all those premium-rate phone calls during the day ......
8th of 7, Dec 06 2002

       And what about the seagulls and other birds who perform suicide runs on jet engines? Would punitive action be taken against the rest of their flock?
Pharaoh Mobius, Dec 06 2002

       2 legs good 4 legs bad. So get a load of 8.
Admiral Hackbar, Dec 06 2002

       [Pharaoh Mobius] No, just some sort of air safety retraining programme.   

       [Admiral Hackbar] Eight legs scary ?   

       // how do you know it stays at home when you're out //   

       I don't, that's the problem. But I can't see him going out and paying in an internet cafe when he's got Broadband at home.   

       //Maybe it even has a key of its own //   

       I think he does.   

       // Dog gone //   

       Catastrophe ?
8th of 7, Dec 06 2002

       Yes, they're innocent. No mens rea. No knowledge that what they're doing is wrong.   

       Also, horse trials? Link?
bookworm, Dec 06 2002

       I was thinking more 8 legs, orgy.
Admiral Hackbar, Dec 06 2002

       [bookworm], what if the crime was strict liability, requiring no mens rea?   

       Hobbes or Locke or some similar proponent of social contract theory once pointed out that you can't contract with beasts. Which is why ducks make terrible hitmen.
my face your, Dec 06 2002


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