h a l f b a k e r y
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The channel tunnel was built in order to allow the rapid and easy movement of people between France and
England. However, once we found out what the French are actually like, we decided to put Eurostar in
charge of the trains to prevent such movement.
Given that it cost quite a bit of money,
we really ought to try and find a new use for the channel tunnel.
It's pretty obvious that the word that springs naturally to mind at this point is "didgeridoo" - that instrument
which represents all that is best about Australian music, art, science, industry, technology, cuisine, culture
and history. It is, in essence, a hollow stick.
The other vital component of a didgeridoo, other than the hollow stick, is a pair of lips. Placed at one end of
the didgeridoo and attached to the face of an Australian, the lips make the raspberry which, in turn,
resonates in the didgeridoo.
In the case of the Channel Tunnel, the lips will have to be several tens of metres across. They will need to
be made of silicone rubber, and fitted across the tunnel entrance in Folkestone. A very hefty compressor will
be needed to blow through the lips, into the Tunnel.
The natural frequency of a didgeridoo is determined largely by the volume of air enclosed by the tube -
larger didgeridoata (for such is the plural) have deeper resonances than smaller ones. The Channel Tunnel
will therefore be a little on the bassy side, with a resonant frequency measured in millihertz. This will be
well below the hearing range of humans, but should be well-received by elephants and, possibly, some of the
larger marine mammals. This in itself makes the entire enterprise worthwhile, as I am sure you'll agree.
||If the connecting tube was supported by balloons then it
could be called 'didgerigibledidoo'.
||There may be overtones in the human-audible range.
A large speaker would do nicely to test this by performing
frequency sweep with high amplitude to determine the
frequency response at various points along the tunnel.
Superconducting magnets, windings, and drive electronics
could minimize the required power bills.
||Actually, we have the technology to perform this
experiment. Take 2 cars, one with an excessive
subwoofer system and the other with a microphone
installed. Go to the tunnel at 3AM when traffic is light to
do the experiment.
||+1 for a giant raspberry blower aimed at France.
||Tabloid Headline: "MAD MAX BUCHANAN THREATENS TO BLOW
UP CHANNEL TUNNEL!"
||Technically, it would be "blow down" ...
||There was a tunnel which connected New York to London
a few years ago. People in London could look into it and
see what they were up to in the colony, and vice versa to
see Her Majesty's subjects polishing her jewels.